JavaScript is required to use Bungie.net

OffTopic

Surf a Flood of random discussion.

Edited by tuckers baby: 12/14/2013 9:08:04 AM
24

"Stale Standup" (a cOLD jokes thread)

Title says it all, bring forth your crap comedy, your plain punch lines, all is welcome. To kick it off with an example: [i]Why did the football coach go to the bank[/i] [spoiler][i]to get his Quarter... [b]back[/b][/i][/spoiler]
Add more answer options

Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • What kind of policeman enjoys his work most? [spoiler]A traffic policeman, because he whistles while he works.[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? [spoiler]It raises their spirits.[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • Why don't lobsters share [spoiler]Theyre shellfish.[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • What's the highest building in New York City? [spoiler]The library. It has the most stories.[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • What is a horse sense? [spoiler]Just stable thinking.[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • What can go over the water and through the water without getting wet? [spoiler]Sunlight.[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • What did the dog say when he sat on the sandpaper? [spoiler] Ruff, ruff.[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • Edited by Dafuq: 12/14/2013 11:23:27 PM
    What goes through a door but never goes in or out? [spoiler]A keyhole.[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • What people are like the end of a book? [spoiler]The Finnish.[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • What do liars do when they die? [spoiler]Lie still.[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • What do you call a man who gets walked all over? [spoiler]Matt[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • What do you call a teacher afraid to fart in public? [spoiler]A private tutor[/spoiler]
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

    1 Reply
    • What concert can you go to for only 45 cents? [spoiler]50 cent featuring nickle-back [/spoiler]
      Add more answer options

      Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

      2 Replies
      • What city is a small stone? [spoiler]Little Rock.[/spoiler]
        Add more answer options

        Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

      • What is the difference between a mouse and a beautiful girl? [spoiler]The mouse harms the cheese, and the girl harms the he's. lol This one makes absolutely no sense.[/spoiler]
        Add more answer options

        Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

        2 Replies
        • Edited by Dafuq: 12/14/2013 11:31:39 PM
          What time of day can you spell the same backward and forward? [spoiler]Noon.[/spoiler]
          Add more answer options

          Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          3 Replies
          • You wanna hear a joke about pizza?[spoiler] never mind its too cheesy...... Badum tzzzzz!! [/spoiler]
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • What is the right kind of timber for castles in the air? [spoiler]Sunbeams.[/spoiler]
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • What people do the most traveling? [spoiler]The Romans.[/spoiler]
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • What do you get if you cross a shark with a parrot? [spoiler]An animal that talks your head off.[/spoiler]
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • Edited by Greene: 12/14/2013 11:00:04 PM
            Here are some: [spoiler]A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: 'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'. I said: 'What for, Officer?' He says: 'My chips are too hot'.[/spoiler] [spoiler]I got stopped again last night by another policeman. He says: 'I'd like to follow you to the nearest Police Station'. I said 'What For?'. He said: 'I've forgotten the way'.[/spoiler] [spoiler]I had a meal last night, I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody, It was a Chinese restaurant.[/spoiler] [spoiler]I went to the doctor the other day I said 'have you got anything for wind' so he gave me a kite.[/spoiler] Thank you, goodnight, much love. And I totally didn't steal any of these.
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • This is the best joke I've ever made up ever. Colon and semicolon were sitting on a log. Semicolon falls off, who's left? (You have to answer one or the other fgts)
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

            7 Replies
            • If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up... [spoiler]they'd be [i]alloys[/i][/spoiler]
              Add more answer options

              Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

            • Where did the vampire deposit his money? [spoiler]At the blood bank.[/spoiler]
              Add more answer options

              Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

            preload icon
            preload icon
            preload icon
            You are not allowed to view this content.