Let's all just sit here, and pretend like OP is not talking out of his ass, for about, one sentence, well, one sentence a sentence fragment.
Shock knife, durable, doesn't require a lot of skill(electricity does not require a "slice", touching it is equal to getting stabbed, it will incapacitate the attacker, and clothing will only increase the effect), water resistant, and I guess non-lethal could be a bonus depending on how you look at it. Problem solved.
English
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wish it was real
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well damn it is
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I hope that thing comes with a sheath :P