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originally posted in:Writers Corner
originally posted in: After the Sirens
2/12/2013 3:57:14 PM
1
Perhaps I'm reading it odd, but the last line feels out of place in terms of flow. A pause helps it though. The poem's just so smooth and then it hits that and ruins the impact for me. Once again, probably just how I'm reading it. And I'm so happy you liked Thomas' poem. Everybody I talk to doesn't know about him besides "Do not go gentle into that good night." Hell, if that.
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  • Edited by Elegiac: 2/12/2013 4:19:11 PM
    When I read it in my head and out loud I pause before, and then stress and linger on 'perhaps exhumed?', then fall straight through 'after the sirens' in a quieter, offhand, possibly bitter, softly sardonic manner like the words are some kind of diaphanous full stop, or an exhalation. God that sounds wanky, but that's how it is this with these things. Maybe I should drop an ellipsis in before the last line. And maybe you played the music, and dropped into that slow gait? That's not the piece's real tempo, I just added the music to the post as an afterthought. I like Thomas, I like his poems about writing poems :) I don't like many other poets but I like Dylan Thomas.

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