An alien creature of deceptively alluring form has had its machinations backfire on it as an enthused and amorous representitive of the History channel pounced upon and consumed the creatures genital regions. Earth scientists and doctors have joined forces to perform a surgery on the creature, known ironically as a Sangheili Warrior, since it has long been classified as belonging to a non-threatening category of life. The team intend to rig up a catheter for the Sangheili so that it can pass bodily wastes in some degree comfort, and plan to eventually attempt to contstruct new genital organs, including a new alien sphincter, to replace those that were eaten, although it is highly doubtful that sexual function will ever be regained. The employee from the History channel has so far avoided comment, as has the History HD channel itself. No legal charges have as yet been announced either, since there are currently no laws pertaining to the incident. More on this precedent setting story as it develops.
We here at the Onion News present reports so laden with truth and lack of bias that when subjected to a simultaneous lie detector test and x-ray, the meaning of life condenses inside the amorphous blob of transcendant intellect made corporeal that is our collective host body and displays itself in the innocent handwriting of a child.
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