Onion you always make threads like these ones and they always crack me up! NYCC!!!!!!!! :)
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We here at the Onion News envy your ability to scrape some modicum of pleasure from our reporting on the irredeemably soul-destroying events that sputter in and out of existence on an offensively daily basis as a direct result of our parasitic species. We grudgingly hope that you continue to do so. Our motto: [i]Tu Stultus Es![/i]