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Edited by Bones: 11/9/2021 10:56:23 PM
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Bones

My Destiny journey through depression.

(My little Ghost shell tattoo) Hey everyone, today I wanted to share my Destiny journey through depression: After thinking about doing this for over 2/3 months, finally I decided to share my personal struggle and how Destiny has helped me to go through the darkest period of my life during several years. I wanted to share this because I know how hard it is sometimes to speak about how we feel and I know that some Guardians might relate to my history. Hopefully this helps you to take the next step to improve yourself and recover your wellness. 🖤 ...I started playing Destiny in January, 2015. At that point in time I was 22 years old and was already struggling with depression. Back then, I didn't knew what it was exactly, I didn't identify it right away, but I had this sense of sadness that I wasn't able to explain, also had the feeling that I wasn't accomplishing anything in life... I felt like just by being present I annoyed everyone... Among other things that I'll explain later in this post. Back then, I didn't knew anything about the game or Bungie. I heard about this big game called Halo, but since I always was a Playstation player, I never played it or invested time watching videos because I knew it was an Xbox exclusive. Around that time (early January 2015) a good friend of mine started talking about this massive game, where you had freedom to roam around, objectives, strikes, group activities, pvp, etc, etc... It sounded like the definitive gaming experience to me, and honestly, it only took about 5 seconds of the gameplay trailer to convince me to download the demo. I was living in South America back then, I was unemployed and living in a country that was facing one of the worst humanitarian crisis in the last years, with terrible Internet connection... I had no money to buy the full game, so I commited to play the Demo every single day for about 3 months, grinding and learning how to use every weapon archetype that dropped for me. Mostly Blues and Greens. Later in that year, I was able to buy the full game. Destiny 1 vanilla, plus 'The Dark Below' and 'House of Wolves'. Destiny allowed me to develop and strenghten what I consider to be "my way to cope with life" which is setting small objectives that will lead me to complete a bigger objective in the end. Every single time that I logged in (and still today), I targeted specific objectives like, completing the daily mission and strikes, grind a specific weapon or complete a nightfall in the hardest difficulty. Completing those objectives in game by myself made me feel like everything is "doable" if you set a goal and work hard enough, even if you're alone... But it also taught me a lesson that I didn't catch until now... And that is: If something is too hard to handle 'Solo' you should rely in you Friends and Fireteam to help you go through the worst places. ...Weeks before the release of "Rise of Iron", I had to leave my home country due to the unsustainable living conditions that I had, and was forced to settle alone in a completely different culture, with a new language that I didn't understand completely... I had no documentation or money. What I initially thought would be a solution, ended up being almost worse than the problem... Because now, I didn't have my friends near me, my guitar to play, or my games to run away from reality... I had to go through loneliness, depression, anxiety and abuse all by myself. I felt unwelcomed in the place that was supposed to be my new home... During this point in time I also felt suicidal, I wanted to end my life more than once, because it felt like it was never going to improve... That it only was getting worse and worse... And I was afraid that people would judge me or that they wouldn't look at me the same after I expressed how I was feeling... So I decided to keep it for me... As I did with every negative thing that happened to me my whole life... This decision not only affected me way more, making me feel worse, but it also damaged almost all of my relationships (friends included) because I wasn't able to talk at all... Not because I didn't want to... Sometimes, the words just, didn't come out... When I left my home country, I was not able to bring most of my stuff, including my console and laptop, so, at this point in time when I was drowning in depression, I had stopped playing Destiny completely... But, I wasn't really 'away from Destiny'... I was still following my favorite content creators, I was still learning about god rolls and perk combinations. I was waiting patiently for the D2 reveal. My personal situation didn't improve until a nice person gave me an opportunity to work, create and develop myself. So after 2 years of being in a country where I didn't feel at home, was rejected by the people that originally 'invited' me to come and working for family that never gave me a cent as my pay for my daily work... I was finally given a random oportunity by a 'stranger'. This allowed me to finally have some money for basics such as food and clothes... So by now, you would guess that as soon as I was able save some money, I bought a PS4 Slim with Forsaken. ...As soon as I came back to the Destiny universe, it felt like I never left... I was able to reconnect with my Destiny friends and to meet new amazing people from around the world while enjoying the game that I love. Many strikes, raids, crucible matches, helped me to escape my own thoughts. I was able to overcome my daily suicidal thoughts with little baby steps, focusing my attention to other activities as well, but my definitive 'go to' has always been Destiny. A couple of months ago, with the help of the person I fell in love with (even if she doesn't like me like that) I decided that it was finally time to take care of myself and to do my best to change the way that I was feeling. I recognized that I needed help and decided to start psychiatric treatment, where I was immediately diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Even though I was totally afraid of what would happen, afraid of being "locked in a padded cell" and afraid of myself... I realized that my fear was normal, but that this decision would help me to go through the hardest "Grandmaster Nightfall" of my Life. At this point in time, I'm proud to say that there is a little improvement in they way that I feel. I still have my ups and downs, but I don't feel alone anymore because I'm lucky to say that I have supportive friends, and I actually feel that they understand me. I also have a great community in Destiny that has always helped me achive my little personal objectives every single time, and that makes me feel better every single time. This is why I wanted to share a little bit of my story with you. Thank you, all... And remember, depression is a sickness... Not a weakness... Heads up, guardians.🖤 Love, [b]Boneyards.[/b]

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  • This was such a beautiful read, thank you so much for sharing. I've had a similiar experience with this and D2 has helped me through some truly horrific times, it's always nice to see other Guardians seeing a light in a new adventure (pun intended?). I'm glad you are doing better, keep fighting <3

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    • Good on you, glad to hear you fought through what life threw at you and you've come out swinging. ❤

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    • Was on hospice and against all odds, made it through. Destiny 2 helped as being in a hospital bed for a long time was not fun.

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    • why are there people complaining about the game in this post like seriously -blam!- off let OP tell their lovely story of fighting depression

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    • Edited by Empyreanzz: 11/10/2021 9:21:35 PM
      I'm clinically depressed because I just witnessed my clan mate get his second Vex drop and I have yet to see one. [spoiler]32 Clears and counting captain[/spoiler]

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      • (*guy from half baked*) "But have you ever played Destiny, ... On Weed?"

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      • Thankyou

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      • It's so easy for people to simply tell you to cheer up or look on the bright side. To bad they are so insanely clueless as to what its really like to deal with depression and other mental disorders. Sadly we know the reality and like you Destiny has been a lifeline many times over since D1 day1 for me. What I truly miss is my old raid team mates from D1. I sooooooo looked forward to running raids with them each and every week. We have clans now and its nice but having that group truly helped me through some of the roughest patches of my life (so far). Thanks for sharing your story Guardian - Eyes up, when life gets crappy go punch an ogre in the face. Not really sure how much it helps but it sure distracts me from other problems for a few seconds!!!

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        • Edited by Twist Ledgendz: 11/11/2021 2:34:32 AM
          Now you want to make me tell my story... Dammit, now I'm gonna have to do it and check 10 times for any minute spelling mistake. I have made the post, but copied and saved it as I'm nervous how it will be recived to due to Boneyards making this one...

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        • I love this post man. Been dealing with both depression and anxiety for over 30 years. It’s a real drag sometimes. Enjoy the good times. Pain can be the impetus of all things creative. Keep up the good fight. When in doubt, take the Mida Multi Tool out of the vault and dome some teleporting Guardians lol. 💪🏆

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        • Please don’t think me wrong, but Destiny is a strong factor in falling into depression. One might elude him or herself in thinking that it is helping, but it’s precisely the opposite.

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          • Destiny is currently making my depression a hell of a lot worse because I can't afford the 30th anniversary pack or Witch Queen when it comes out. I love the game and it used to be one of my favourite ways to escape my intrusive and depressing thoughts, but I feel there's no point sticking with it anymore since there's no way for me to partake in everything coming up 😭

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            • Keep Moving Forward. Keep Your Head Up High. Never Think Your Alone. We Will Keep You Standing High. If You need a Warlock by your side, Im here Brother.

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            • 🍺 Glad you are doing better. Thank you for sharing. This helps me. John 3:16

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              Artisan
              Artisan

              D2 8600 hours - old

              One of the things that the Facebook (Meta) whistleblower has increased awareness of is how online tech based services affect mental health. And that's for both good and bad. Bigger gaming companies too need to step up to the plate on this, research or contribute to research, take findings seriously, and end exploitative practices. Good luck on your personal journey OP.

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            • Respect OP, you went through a lot... You used the game as motivation. You made the best out of it. No matter if it's right or wrong.

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            • I know what's like, I'm still struggling with depression have done for 38 years, and when i get hate messages for being bad in PvP i just want to quit the game altogether, it's friends that I've known for years that help me forget about it.

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              • I worry that people use destiny to escape their problems rather than deal with them and that’s not good.

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              • Read this a long time ago and see it pop up from time to time. Everyone is fighting a battle most of us will never know about so be kind, always…

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              • Whatever it takes to live, my friend. Stay strong! Signed, A fellow soldier in the trenches on the same mental war front.

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              • Whatever works and all but when ever I see these post(more often then you think) it reminds me that crunching on a video game to deal with real world problems is a tricky way to handle thing. Putting your personal issues in the hands of someone or something else defers responsibility and blame in the case things take a bad turn. Especially in the case of escapism centered things like video games. I’ll go easy because you seem overly delicate but never forget your own life is in your hands. Placing things like your own health in the hands of something external especially bungie who is prone to letting players down makes you seem like you want to be miserable.

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                • Edited by Killmonger: 11/10/2021 2:32:56 AM
                  That’ll be $200 my receptionist will take your payment up front.

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                • Everyone has problems

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                • Eyes up, Guardian!! I'm glad you were able to use Destiny as a way to connect. It's really great how something as relatively simple as a game can encourage a person to keep going.

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                • Your story is moving and heartwarming. It must have taken a lot of courage to share it with such a wide community. Hopefully some people with depression will read your post and find energy to fight. Thank you for sharing the story. Eyes up, Guardian.

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                • This is what Destiny is about. Not the gunplay or the designs it’s the community. In this community you can find the best friends you could have. I am very grateful that you were able to over come everything! I wish you well! Eyes up Guardian!

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