Ada-1 got a visitor, after the Guardians found her she feels like she has no time for herself.
This one was a new one, but quickly a regular. A Titan with a Calibrated Rifle Frame and a Radiant Matrix.
The Titan took off his helmet, his pinpoint eyes glowing blue in the dark and his metal head reflecting what little light was alit in the hall.
"Back so soon, Guardian?"
"Yes, the last one was not it"
"Our wares do not please you?"
"Cut the marketing..."
The visiting Exo hands out his haul to Ada who starts work on producing a forgeable frame.
"...if they weren't I wouldn't be here, your weapons are the best, but I'm looking for the cream of the crop"
"You say that while donning an armor of copper and rust"
"It fits me, like a glove. Much like the weaponry you make"
"I could get armor made to fit your liking, Guardian"
"I said cut the marketing"
The Titan starts walking away with his brand new frame ready to be forged.
"I wasn't marketing..."
Before the visitor steps out of the hall he shouts to Ada.
"You remember the last Machine Gun you gave to me? For that I am grateful"
Before continuing he turns his head to the left so he could see Ada with his other eye.
"Because it was the cream of the crop"
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So nerf machine guns?
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pick a tense pls
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Muted. And down voted. No one wants to read you shit fanfic.
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I'm the cream of the crop, I rise to the top.
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1 ReplyPretty funny but downvoting because fanfic
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1 Replyhttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8C4lK41SX-Q
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Wait this is just a meme about the annoying forge farm process disguised as fan fiction it’s amazing
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1 ReplyEdited by KS27: 7/24/2019 1:46:05 PMNicely done! May I add this to my [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/245771343/0/0]Archive[/url]? [spoiler]The Archive is a collection of posts on Destiny Companion. They contain an alphabetical list of writers in the Destiny community and links to their stories. Basically, with your permission, I put your name in with a link to your story. You get all the credit, and everyone has easy access to your story at all times. To find out more about the Archive, follow the link above (click the yellow word “Archive”). If you do not respond, I will assume you are inactive and wait about a week before adding your story to the Archive. If at any time you ask me to remove your story from the Archive, I will do so.[/spoiler] This is all good, but I do think the first few lines could use a little improvement. [quote]Ada-1 got a visitor, after the Guardians found her she feels like she has no time for herself.[/quote] I liked this intro. Very good way to start the story. This sentence kind of shoves two separate thoughts together, though. Separating them into two sentences should fix it up nicely: “Ada-1 got a visitor. After the Guardians found her she feels like she has no time for herself.” Maybe adding a little action from Ada between those sentences would add a little flair to it? “Ada-1 got a visitor. She sighed, turning from her work. After the Guardians found her she feels like she has no time for herself.” [quote]This one was a new one, but quickly a regular.[/quote] The meaning of this sentence isn’t very clear. Were you trying to say that the Titan was one of her newer customers, but had quickly become a regular? The wording of the sentence makes it seem like he’s new, like it’s his first time there, which contradicts the rest. “This was one of her newer customers, but he had quickly become a regular.” [quote]The Titan took off his helmet, his pinpoint eyes glowing blue in the dark and his metal head reflecting what little light was alit in the hall.[/quote] I think replacing “was alit” with something else might improve this sentence a little. Maybe something like this: “his metal head reflecting what little light there was in the hall.”