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Edited by Winter: 4/5/2020 3:38:52 PM
12

Do Xombies Dream of Molasses Sheep?

The sun was shining bright upon the white sands of the beach. The air smelled of salt, fresh molasses cookies, and the fires of war! A horde of barbarians stood on one end shouting their war cries and bashing their weapons together, excited for the coming battle. On the other stood the glorious Knights of Bernthal and their Prophet Xronad the Xombie. The barbarians charged and he bellowed a deep laugh as he lifted his big ass battle axe out of the sand. He turned to his knights, "Come on lads! After this the drinks are on Luke! Bahaha!" He spun around swinging his axe with him and decapitated two of the barbarians immediately. The battle was over before anyone knew it and the bloody field became a beach party of bonfires, kegs, and scantly clad women. XombieXronad sat on a throne of pillows and women feeding him cookies as he amazed them with stories of his mighty deeds. CoolHandLuke approached with a mug in hand, "Xronad, you sexy -blam!-! There's an old friend here to see you!" As he rejoined the festivities, a woman in a tattered black cloak with a large pointed hat stepped forward with a look of disgust on her pale face. "Nil!" The Xombie shouted, "You are VERY overdressed for this occasion!" The witch looked around the scene before her, fangs bared, and turned her red eyes back to Xronad, "So this is your idea of heaven? How very...quaint..." "Oh lighten up, sun shine! Have a seat! Grab a dri-" "I don't have much time," the witch interrupted, "you've been deceived. You're dead." "Undead," Xronad responded, mouth full of cookies. "No, you're just dead, this is a dream to keep you complacent. Think about it, I know thats a lot to ask of you, but try to remember our last conversation." Xronad laughed, "Ok sure! I'll humor you! We were in your new palace, it was very cold and empty, and you had this Elsa thing going on." "I don't understand that reference," Nil crossed her arms. "Then what? Hurry, things are already starting to get weird." "Weird?" Xronad looked around. His comrades and lady friends had all disappeared. "I... remember talking? About a vacation...no, a nap?" The ocean water turned black and dark tentacles rose from the depths. Nil shivered, "I really need to leave before it finds me, but that Nil isn't me. Think of her as my evil twin." The sky turns red and begins to rain blood. "Huh," Xronad reached for more cookies and found only Thin Mints, "[b]WHAT THE HELL IS THIS[/b]." He stands, crushing the crackers in his mighty fist. "That story would take too long to tell," Nil grabs Xronad by the shoulders, "The contract you signed gives you the power to leave whenever you want, but she's been messing with your mind, keeping you nice and happy. Making you forget. So wake up!" Suddenly Nil vanished before his eyes and everything returned to normal...or as normal as a dream can be...

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  • THE HIGH PROPHET XOMBIE ARISES AGAIN ALL HAIL BERNTHAL, ALL HAIL XOMBIE

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    • Seems like Speaker and Nils plan may be in motion. We will have to *crack* [b]SMASH THE ZOGGIN BIG THUNKER BRAINS![/b]

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      • Edited by xxx: 6/1/2019 12:06:57 AM
        11
        Deep in the frozen lair of Queen Elsa, I mean NIL, a tiny little gem began to tremble as the green glow started to grow brighter and brighter! The webs were shaking hard enough that Her children started to fall like a steady, 8-legged freak rain, body rupturing as they hit the floor. As the ice and stone began to crack, fissures forming in the floor and the walls, the stone exploded with the rage of an undead monster given voice after long centuries repressed and chained in the twisted psyche of a deranged Prophet. "I have been betrayed!! Thou sought to trick me and use mine own flesh for your schemes, thou pale shadow of mine glorious friend!! Thou shalt know my wrath and taste a bite that will bring thee to be entwined with The Lord of Entropy Himself, forever more! And with no benevolent Cookie God to spare thee as I was spared!" boomed through the cavern as The Xombie exploded out of the Gem, his massive dragon winged battle axe clenched in his human hand and a sickly glowing green nimbus of power wreathing his skeletal left hand. "First things first, little shadow of The Little Witch, I shall set your Master free and give Her the Blessing She has granted me so many times before!" With that, the sickly light leapt from his clawed fingers and melted away the spiderwebs, faster and faster as the Entropy gained speed and power from all it ate, including the remaining spiders that had stayed within the webbing, until Xombie's friend was revealed in Her woefully weakened state and fell, to be caught by xronad, a single trear sliding down his cheeck at Her state. In a small, pained & whipsering voice, he said, "Oh Little Witch, please tell me that life yet resides in thy weakend frame! I am mortally sorry I was not here to protect you and my followers in the Church didst not know of thy plight.......hold but a moment more while I regain some of mine strength & restore thee....." as he laid her desiccated and tortured form upon the floor. As he ate some molasses cookies and ndrank some rum, he let all his illusions drop to conserve power. The rich black mane of hair turned into a steel gray, the beard following suit. His right eye returned to its normal green and the skeletal eye socket dimmed from the raging green flame to a flkickering green ember. The line was clear to see now, the right half of his body was still human, older and worn down, while the left side was mostly a skeleton, with a few pieces of dried flesh clinging to the yellowing bones. Xombie took the time to gently remove the thread binding the true NIL's lips closed, smoothed out her limbs and drapped his black flowing robes over NIL to maintain Her modesty. Once the task was complete, xronad grabbed his Axe from the floor and whispered, "Drac-Khan, my honored ancestor, hear my call and give unto me the power & focus I need to revive my friend, my boon companion, MY Little Witch and allow me to right a grievous error on my part! Hear my Call! Oh Bernthal, God of the On True Cookie and High Lord of Entropy, Punisher of The Wrong and Leader of Zombie Hordes! HEAR ME!! Grant me this request and watch as I rain down destruction the like of which these Lands have never seen, IN YOUR NAME!!" With an agonized, choking whisper, the green glow blew through the ceiling, into the dragon headed axe, pounding the xombie into the floor and finally......out through his hand and into the Chest of NIL, the Little Witch, True Mother of Darkness, The Unbroken One! NIL's body slowly healed, the Entropy working its way throughout her whole system, restoring her to the former glory she had and pushing her to max power and beyond!! As the power ebbed and for but a faint moment, Xronad stood there, whole, human and worn out. A broken man wrapped in worn black leather pants, black boots with blackened copper chains upon them and a loose flowing black shirt, each item torn and full of holes, before the power flashed and Xombie stood there, his usual self and that crooked smile upon his lips, said, " Come now Little Witch, no time to be laying about in bed! We need to go spank Elsa and give her a time out! Fear of living on, natives getting restless now, mutiny in the air, got some death to do. mirror stares back hard, Kill, it is such a friendly word, seems the only way, of reaching out and reminding these folks that we are not to be trifled with! Speaking of trifle, I wonder how that dessert would taste with molasses mixed in...... By the way, have you seen my little Dwarven buddy who picks up the bar tab? He seems to be conveniently missing as we start to march forth..."

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        • [u] Transmission sent by level 4 Clearance personnel:[/u] Bump

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          • Oh, so you did get those snake fangs. Nice.

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            • Peanut butter cups.

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            • Bomp

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            • So the Nil we’ve been talking to recently isn’t “Nil”?

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            • Interesting...

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            • TLDR

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              • No. But Cyborgs Dream of Electric Sheep

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              • Hmm...

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