New Exotic Quests revealed.
Xur quest gives you an Exotic Golden Boot - one kick in the nuts will disable your opponent for 30 seconds. Ikora quest gives you an Exotic Golden Finger - one poke in the eye will disorientate your opponent and blurr their vision for 30 seconds. These exotics are to balance Pvp for people that do not have Luna.
English
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So the latest update has introduced a new 18 inch kinetic weapon called the Platinum Pecker. It has a special perk called splat and can only be used by members of elitists PVP clans or Sweatys that have a 2.0 or better kd ratio, this perk can only be used when said members are in private matches. What happens is simple. The elitist sweaty points and shoots the weapon which then delivers a money shot to the face of the opponent. The key is to get as close to the opponent as possible so that some of the money shot bounces back into the shooters face. If this happens then the second shot produces twice as much liquid at twice the velocity thus providing an exhilarating experience for both players. This goes on an on and on until both players are thoroughly and completely pleasured.
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How about a full-body armor perk that would only bounce Luna’s and NF’s shots back to the shooters?
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Or even better, automatically sends feedback to Bungie’s dev team (yeah, bypass the middleman here) when you are killed by Luna or NF.
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You forgot the golden falice it’s one that Lord Shaxx gives you. It’s a six inch power weapon that shoots a white hot steaming liquid into the faces of all the sweaty perverts out there. It’s designed to provide them with such delight that they become disorientated and are easier to kill.
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Next season Lord Shaxx quest is the Exotic Golden Teabag - if you kill a Crucible sweat and manage to golden teabag them that sweat will not be able to revive for 30 seconds.