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originally posted in: ASotF: Chapter 7 (FANSTORY)
2/24/2019 2:31:36 PM
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Nicely done. You switched between past tense and present tense several times. Pick one and stick to it. This story is in third person, but you switched to first person several times and used the words “me” and “my.” Some of these switches happened halfway through sentences, and that’s really bad. [quote]he gasped as my one of my ship’s engines fry from a Hunter’s knife stuck in the fuel line.[/quote] Dregs are higher-ranked than Shanks. Dregs are shamed, but a Shank is nothing more than a “bulldog” for the Fallen.
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  • Edited by Wreckage: 2/24/2019 6:45:47 PM
    Oh okay. I didn’t catch that one third to first, I’m trying to edit all of those lmao! Thank you anyway, and also I wanted that urgency for Ririksis to have a more dire reason to go on his own, but I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you again, though, really! Also edited those parts. Thank you!

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