JavaScript is required to use Bungie.net

OffTopic

Surf a Flood of random discussion.
12/26/2018 5:53:27 AM
43

Offtopic Rewind 2018

Stonebrixx glared at his watch for a solid ten minutes before looking back up at the towering mansion, the dawning sun casting a golden glow on one side of it, the golden letters “Offtopic” bolded on the mansion’s porch. He heard a barking from the porch, but he ignored it. He was promised a director for his movie, and damnit, he would get it. He took a chance at his watch once more, and in an angry fit, he dashed towards the front door. He knocked on it, his tux now a mess of black cloth, and his hands pale white. The door creaked open just a bit, and a fair man with neatly combed hair and a tuned mustache peeked out. “Welcome to the Off Topic forum. Talk about your dog, your news, your friends, your friend’s dog...” “Save it Cozmo. Where’s the meeting?” Stonebrixx interrupted. Cozmo opened the door to reveal an elaborate interior with purple dyed curtains and paintings of a skull on a pink background. “Come on in. It’s the door to your left.” Stonebrixx stomped his way past him and paid no heed to the decor that coated the hall. Not even the statue of Eccho’s shotgun. The fiend! Upon reaching a steel-plated door, he looked upon a sign above the barrier. “Drink from the firehose” He pushed past the door, and while the rusty obstacle resisted at first, the door gave in to a hall of sorts... a big hall. Red draped curtains floated above his head, tables were coated in red tablecloth, glasses of exquisite wine could be seen topping the bleeding tables, and on the red bathed chairs, a plethora of people... and some people who... weren’t people... Stonebrixx recognized a familiar face in the crowd: Triumphant. A man, with dashing features, coated in a golden outfit. Stonebrixx pushed past a few people, all talking about Stan Lee’s death, and he approached Tri near a round table. Stone’s hand waved automatically as he approached the man... “Oy, Tri. You’re supposed to be starring in this movie I’m making... I was uh... told to come here.... what’s the occasion?” “This literally who named Cell apparently wants a reunion to help gather offtopic together. I was invited, so I had to leave OffTopic’s Official Group for a while to come here.” “Did you know that Spider-man-“ “Enough with the infinity war spoilers Stonebrixx...” Stonebrixx stopped, and turned around to face the crowd. Maybe he’d meet some familiar faces here. He said his farewells to Tri and headed for a table with users of all types circling around it. In the middle, a robed figure, his face covered with wrapped cloth and his legs kneeling against the tabletop. His voice came booming out of the layers of cloth... “Come to see the truth! Come to Krishna’s Prophet! Come to see that the Earth is truly flat!” And with that he held up a plate and went on a sermon describing similarities between the Earth and the dining utility. A user, who stonebrixx recognized as none other than Xombie, stroked his massive beard and boomed with a voice of his own... “Ladies, gents, and unicorns of Offtopic: this is not a prophet. This is merely.... Peaches!” A gasp escaped into the air as another user, known to Stonebrixx as Archival Mind, wrapped his robotic fingers around the cloth covering the Prophet’s face and with that, devoid of any guise, Peaches’s face was shown to the world. The voice of Eccho was a whirlwind... “Peaches! It was you all this time?” Peaches stared down at the man, and his brows formed a confused arc... “Wait... didn’t we use the same toilet once?” “It’s me Peaches. Come on down. Let’s have a drink together. Sometimes you gotta accept the loss of Krishna’s Prophet.... and uh... Homo Habilis..... and democracy.” Peaches’s eyes shown with.... affection? He hopped off the tabletop and, arms locked, the two.... uh..... companions, walked away to the bar. The crowd dispersed grumbling, and the voice of Xombie suddenly recuperated the energy they once had... “Come and see, the true prophet! Accept the molasses cookie! Accept Bernthal’s Blessing and his bearded uh.... balls! Tennis balls! Accept hi-“ His voice was interrupted by a man... er... turtle? Clad in a dark robe and a cape as dark as night. A user yelled out... “What are you? MACE Windu?” The turtle’s gloved hand outstretched from his robe, bringing with it a voice clouded by his mask... “Save it Researcher. I’m here to challenge this so-called Bernthal. The true cookie is the macadamia nut. Not the Molasses!” Stonebrixx knew things were starting to get heated, so he swiftly left to another table as he heard a bone crack from the table behind. His feet led himself to the Story-telling HoTH. He was always entertaining, so he took his chances and a seat as well... “And I had dmg reply to one of my posts! Oh, and had I told you of the Spooky Stories? The time I tricked Colonel Mustard? What about the BabylonBee?” His praised voice rose higher than a trumpet, and the crowd around him was getting noticeably excited. “Oh, and what about the elections? The Furyknight-“ And with those words uttered Xombie came flying into the crowd, crashing through masses of bodies at the mere speaking of the name... “Cell-3 shouldn’t be a president! Furry-who’s-it should!” Girraffalope raised her fist in the air... “Yea! And DarkSpire is boring as -blam!-!” “I agree!” “Woo!” The agreement went viral, and was enough to bring another crowd’s attention. They were hunched in a corner, sporting pens and writing in leather clad journals. Stonebrixx could recognize Venku, Jestingworm, Deatheater, Ben10Howard, Michael, RunnerGunner, Mister Mustard, Robo Owl, and MagicSpaceKitty. They were all conversing about HoTh as their eyes examined their books... “Isn’t he the guy who waged war against the other subforums?” “Sure is. Remember the time one of his posts got like... 2000 upvotes?” “He really needs to stop changing his name...” The flow of conversation suddenly disappeared as Soviet Soldier, Slim Slimy, and OrangeTwelve rushed up to them, and began to yell in a shrill harmony... “LIKEBOMBED!” Deatheater began to speak in a raised tone as the trio ran past and began bothering other groups... “What in the Mad Dog was that?” “Another brigade of likebombs. Ugh.” MagicSpaceKitty spoke in a disgusted tone. Robo Owl’s mouth began to move as his eyes of energy glanced around the room... “So, how many more seasons of Asterisk do you have planned death?” “Only 32 more.” “Sounds neat!” Meanwhile in the opposite corner of the humongous hall sat two... agents... of some sort. Agent Wyoming and Wiomyng were locked in an arm wrestle, both grunting remarks... “You.... stole... hrng... my gimmick...” “You said we could- GAH! Share it!” Stonebrixx looked away, not interested in the verbal battle, and he searched around the room for something else. Something other than the OAFL posts. Something other than the Offtopic Card Game posts. Something other than the “You look cute today” posts. No. It was something.... weird... Dr. False.... he was mixing up a concoction of sorts. He held a file in his gloved right hand, marked on it the bold words, ‘SCP-001-OT’. Stonebrixx had not recognized this... SCP, so he made his way to the mad scientist... “What’s that yer cookin’ there?” He asked, tipping his fedora. “Oh, just a potion for the summoning of the demon lord Nil. Have you heard of her? Legend says that she is nothing yet something.” “You look at too many midterm posts bud? You seem off.” “Posts... POSTS! That’s it! That’s the missing ingredient!” Stonebrixx backed away as Dr.False dug into his box of belongings. He took a velvet-covered seat and sat down, his head pulsating with the pressure of making a ‘Pick a Spoiler’ post. However, the echoed voices in the hall were suddenly put to a stop as the stage at the end of the room lit up and a robot guised in a tux and polished black shoes strutted itself on the wood of the stage. It was none other than the president himself, and Hammerfist was next to him, waving. Of course, someone who starred in Asterisk would receive such fame. Cell-3 knocked on the microphone, and he cleared his robotic throat and began to speak... [spoiler]Continued below[/spoiler]
English
#Offtopic #cell3

Posting in language:

 

Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

  • “Good morning Offtopic, and happy new year. We are here to celebrate xronad’s new chair and nother issue of Tesla Took My- wait no. Wrong script...” Cell-3 shuffled his papers as the crowd in front of him erupted into a slight whisper, only to die down again as Cell spoke... “Sorry for that... uh, hehe.... we’re gathered today to celebrate a New Year, and therefore, a new resurrection of... okay, well this place is kinda dead. Ever since our Chic-Fil-A worker left, things have gone downhill with the food. But hey. We’re thriving. Making our way up top. And what better way to remember the past than with a reunion! Yes! Cue the music!” Cell pointed at Hammer with two fingers, and immediately, after a press of a button, the sound of Rick Astley flooded the hall. Groans were heard, but Cell’s voice soared above them... “Yea! Set the mood, amirite? So, I wanna thank you- actually, gotta thank the lurkers first. Thanks lurkers! You make this place alive, thriving, and the real substance of the sandwich! Also, to the posters. We were hit hard with the purge. We lost many. Many good people. People like Recon. And also many controversial people. Like Mad Max. But nevertheless, we lost our family, and so, we sit, with that tragedy in our hearts. It reminds us that not everything is forever in Offtopic. Good things do not last. And the users are remembered to this day. I may not have been here when the flood took up the halls, but damn, does this place have heart. Heart. Unmatched heart. We pulled through one of the most tragic times. The death of god as well.... it shook me up man. I remember looking at the post while shopping, and, damn.... it hit me hard. Rest of the day I sat thinking.... thinking about how loved ones have fallen. Thinking about who we’ve lost.... thinking about how they helped this place thrive to this very day. And I thank them. I thank them a lot. Offtopic has really.... dug its way into me. I.... can’t imagine a life without it now. I thank them for the life they blew into this place. Offtopic would not be without its users, and they did a damn good job of keeping this place on good terms. Finally, I thank them for just.... how do I put this.... just lighting people’s day’s up sometimes. We all meet that one person on offtopic that sorta... lights up our day y’know? Like Artemis. Like Xombie. Like many others in this place. God and the users that were purged were lights in the community... So, we sit here today in remembrance. In remembrance of 2-7. In remembrance of the stories that stirred Offtopic, like Entropy and Mountain Sky. In remembrance of the posters who have kept this place alive. In remembrance of who. We. Are. You know what to say....” “Alts of Achronos!” The crowd cheered. “No- well I mean, yea, but- Goddamn it. I was hoping for y’all to say-“ “Offtopic!” The crowd cut him off, and they flooded the stage, each with cameras, some with guns, and others with Porch Day decor. “Hold up! Whoa! Hey! Give that back!” Cell-3 boomed through the microphone, “I’m not done yet. God among many other people has passed this year. Please everyone, take a seat...” The crowd slowly drove back to their chairs... “We have lost many souls this year. I know not of how many souls were actually lost but.... it’s saddening to see it. I know of one personally, and that’s my poor kitten. I will name a few that have popped up in Offtopic, like Stefan Karl, Stan Lee, George H.W. Bush, Billy Graham, Stephen Hillenburg.... the list goes on... But we won’t forget those who’ve died. In my heart, my kitten still lives, prancing in grassy fields of green, licking up puddles of white blue water, and snoring soundly at the bank of the river azure. Everyone who has passed this year is still with us... we just gotta know where... the heart. So keep remembering. We learn from this year. We remember this year. We cherish this year. Here’s to a new year guys and... thank you... Jambuhbye!” The crowd erupted simultaneously, and the likes of DerpyTaco and Pocketlock began to open up a bit more. Verminator was on the stage, singing a Queen song, and Cobravert bobbed his head to the tune of Van Halen. Stonebrixx decided to head for the refreshments. No cheerios could satisfy his thirst this time. • Cell-3 rubbed his head, and he swiftly left the stage. His head was hurting, and it must’ve been a loose gear. He made his way backstage, into a room, as he began to loosen the top half of his head. However, a figure leaned against the wall at the corner of the room. Cell-3 swiftly turned on the lights to see LadyGhost... “Holy shit... you’re... you’re still here?” Cell-3 let out... “Yep. Could you point me to Offtopic? I’ve seemed to lost my way...” she said with a cool tone. Cell-3 pointed at the door that led out to the stage, and immediately LadyGhost rushed out in excitement. He sighed, and slowly fiddled with the gears in his head, his headache getting worse. ManofLight must’ve laced him with the wrong solar panels... his energy supply was low. Cell-3 fixed the top half of his head back on, and sighed, as he slumped against the wall. Porch day, cookie wars, Soviet likebombing... this was one hell of a year... • “And that’s the end of the story!” Cellar Door rang out. The ring of grunts that had formed around him began to clap... “Tell more!” A grunt replied over the clapping. “Not today... maybe tomorrow...” Cellar Door exclaimed, half yawning. The grunt responded angrily... “Want Jackal Snipers?” Cellar Door immediately sat back down, and with droopy eyes, he spat out another story. A tale of a time long gone... a tale of remembrance... a tale of back seat drivers with stop cones.... and of course, a tale of a man named CoolHandLike with his pet Phoenix and spider named Saitonia...

    Posting in language:

     

    Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

    15 Replies
    • I’m gonna bring this back for the new neighbors from #Gaming.

      Posting in language:

       

      Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

    • Did I just miss it or did Toaster really not make it into this?

      Posting in language:

       

      Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

      6 Replies
      • Why would you keep record of this. Purge era, worst era.

        Posting in language:

         

        Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

        4 Replies
        • better than the 2008 rewind

          Posting in language:

           

          Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

        • Edited by ZoniCat: 12/26/2018 8:55:05 PM
          [quote]That'll do fredrick, that'll do.[/quote] ^Wyoming [spoiler]And it is my. God damn. GIMMICK!!![/spoiler]

          Posting in language:

           

          Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

        • A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. [spoiler]👏👏👏[/spoiler]

          Posting in language:

           

          Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

        • Where’s Seven Eleven?!!?! [spoiler]More importantly who’s Seven Eleven?!?!?[/spoiler]

          Posting in language:

           

          Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

          2 Replies
          • It’s rewind time [spoiler]Actually PewDiePie made a YouTube rewind and it’s actually good [/spoiler]

            Posting in language:

             

            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

          • H*ck

            Posting in language:

             

            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

            2 Replies
            • Literally who? Where's Lincoln and Mad Max?

              Posting in language:

               

              Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

              9 Replies
              • Was I mentioned at the very end? Or am I just hopeful?

                Posting in language:

                 

                Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                3 Replies
                • Holy Hell. This made me tear up. And I was mentioned!!! I am not a literally who!!

                  Posting in language:

                   

                  Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                • Mandalorian bump. [spoiler]Forthe Mandalor![/spoiler] [T]7

                  Posting in language:

                   

                  Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                • Neat

                  Posting in language:

                   

                  Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                  1 Reply
                  • Can I get a tldr someone pls

                    Posting in language:

                     

                    Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                    8 Replies
                    • Ok.

                      Posting in language:

                       

                      Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                    • "It's rewind time." Wait a minute...

                      Posting in language:

                       

                      Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                    • I am so proud of this community.

                      Posting in language:

                       

                      Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                      1 Reply
                      • I got one reference! That’s one more than regular!

                        Posting in language:

                         

                        Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                      • I’m surprised I actually appeared in this. Great read, a lot of memories brought back. Thanks for this

                        Posting in language:

                         

                        Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                      • My God, he made it work. Mad bastard actually did it! Amazing read through and through. [spoiler]Where were my mans BurningVipers puns :(( Also holy crap I'm legit mad I didn't think of "Mace Windu" myself, totally gonna be using that one whenever I talk to darth xd[/spoiler]

                        Posting in language:

                         

                        Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                        9 Replies
                        • Wow hurt [spoiler]its not like you like me, the only people on here that “like me” are Loot crate and giraffe “weeps uncontrollably”[/spoiler]

                          Posting in language:

                           

                          Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                          2 Replies
                          • A masterpiece.

                            Posting in language:

                             

                            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                          • High

                            Posting in language:

                             

                            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                          • My heart...[spoiler]no one loves me[/spoiler]

                            Posting in language:

                             

                            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                            5 Replies
                            You are not allowed to view this content.
                            ;
                            preload icon
                            preload icon
                            preload icon