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OffTopic

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10/11/2018 7:15:58 PM
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So I've never had a girlfriend before...

Let me elaborate. All throughout my middle school and high school years I've had a handful of girls that found me attractive, funny and charming or whatever. Although, I don't consider my self Prince Charming if you know what I mean. The reason I'm posting this is to see if anyone can relate. So pretty much, I have commitment issues. The sort of commitment issues that leave you really liking a girl, but scared she'll want to have kids, say she loves you, want you to meet her parents and grow old together. But the biggest fear(for me personally) of all is how to maintain a healthy/happy relationship over the years. How to make her laugh, what to say on a daily basis, how to ultimately not be a failure to her and to her family and friends. The only kind of relationship I've been in is a no strings attached one. And a few one-night stands here and there. Which most guys are into for obvious reasons such as mine for example. I know asking this here on OffTopic is quite... empty-headed. But does anybody here on OffTopic that's married or is in a healthy relationship willing to offer me some advice. Because I want to have kids of my own sometime in the future and I need help from OffTopic's love doctors.

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  • My first girlfriend was when I was 14 and I am 21 now. Still together and (literally) tomorrow October 13th we see getting married. The best advice I can give to you for your current dilemma is to just not worry about it. If you are ready for commitment, you'll know it. Don't over think those small things and just go with the flow it sounds cheesy, but just let your heart guide you. It'll all work out.

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  • All you gotta do is FHRITP

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  • I’ll be honest, I didn’t read any of that. I came in here to say that they are completely overrated and that you should get money instead. Trust me.

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    1 Reply
    • Not in a relationship, I'll wait for one to come to me. I'm too broke to be married anyway

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      • Amen brother

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      • Just take relationships casually. You'll know whether or not you wanna get serious with somebody. Better to get out of something you're not ready for than to commit to something you don't want.

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      • Committing blood not flow solves all problems.

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      • I get what your saying. As for me, I found that a life alone is becoming increasingly appealing.

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        • It is a crushing fear of not being able to provide for a woman's needs and wants. I also have this fear and it has kept me from having a girlfriend also. But I have learned that while girls want people who can provide for their every desire, they also want someone who will be there for them. So you have to take it one step at a time. being available for them to rest in you. As they grow to trust you more and more, it gets easier and easier for you to stick with them. Even if it is something as small as being willing to call them when they are feeling down. Girls really appreciate that. I will say, if you want a girl to trust you with her issues, you have to trust her with your issues. As you walk step-by-step, day by day with a girl, eventually you will find that you don't want to live a life without them.[b] I will caution you against jumping in head first[/b]. This is a gradual and intimate process. Don't be rash. Take the time to let the girl unfold her soul to you, let her share her burdens with you on her speed. don't scare her away by trying to force anything. Be willing to set boundaries. It shows the girl that you really care for her. Look, I know more about one girl than most people, and I have yet to touch her. She trusts me enough to know that I am sticking around for her, not the bag of bones she lives in. Last night she told me some very personal stuff about her, even though she was afraid that I might treat her differently. But she told me anyways. That is when you know you have a keeper. I don't fully know what she means to me, but I do know that I don't want to lose her. In short, if you are there for her, she will be there for you. just be willing ot put in the time.

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          • I've only ever had one successful(ish) relationship, and we lasted for 3 years, a pretty long high school relationship. It was shaky, but we built it up. My advice is, Be you. Don't show her someone you want to be, someone you're trying to be, or anyone else. If she can't like you for who you are, then there is no point. Things get rough, hang in there. You'll fight (hopefully only occasionally), and makeup (hopefully every time). Just make sure not to get the notion to breakup as soon as things get tough (Ahem- My EX). Finally, make her happy. You won't always be happy, but let me tell you something, you will be way happier with the other person later into the relationship than the start. Respect builds over time, don't let that stop. Anyways, Be you, You'll fight, get over it, Be happy, be respectful.

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          • I have been married for almost 11 years now and we have 2 kids. Go get a drink and sit down/buckle up for this. Give up. Yup, you read that right. Do your thing and just be you always. If a girl wants more, she will let you know and more will happen. We do not control this, they do. When she finds you, understand that everything is going to be wonderful and then you will get married and it will change. Then you get the real her. Fighting is normal, it provides growth between you. So learn to communicate and not hold a grudge. Involve a marriage counselor when you need an outside mediator. DO NOT INVOLVE YOUR FAMILIES!!!! EVER!!! Take the Imago Dialogue course. It is hilarious how moronic it sounds but it works. Never buy flowers or jewelry as an apology. Buy her something sweet like chocolate or cake and a card. Kids will both ruin your lives and be the best thing to ever happen to you. There is so much more, but hit me up if you want to hear it.

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            • I’m just ugly so no girl would want to be in a relationship with me

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            • It's yet another "inexperienced OP asks for girl advice on b.bet" episode.

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            • Can't be all brokenhearted if you don't put it out there to begin with! Cynical, yes. But the sentiment, I feel, is founded. What's worse is that chicks REALLY seem to want what they just can't have.... What the -blam!- is up with that?

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            • I stay out of the sticky web of relationships. No good, that web. But you seem of age for one. Here’s my advice: if you can’t act yourself in front of her, what’s the benefit amirite?

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              • Is meeting the parents really that big of a deal?

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                • Delete yourself

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                • The only thing I’m focused on is slaying Spider-Man

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                • 1
                  If a girl ask you out,what I like to do, considering my feelings of liking someone are never that strong, is to just say yes if you think the person is cool and/or attractive. And then just be you. Because either its not gonna work and you'll find out soon enough, or it will work and you won't be worried about faking anything. If you are trying to ask someone out I recommend building a friendship with them before doing so. It helps you figure out whether or not you want to put your courage out there and if it goes south usually it won't be that bad, from my experience. Make sure you are looking for a relationship and not looking for an escape. The relationship should never impact you so much you have a major change in how you do things. A lot of clingy people (me included, at first) do this

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                • 3
                  Epicperon
                  Epicperon

                  No - old

                  I actively try to avoid being in a relationship. It’s very easy :P

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                  • Honestly I try to stay away from relationships, as I'm too shy to say the right words.

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                  • I'm just ugly.

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                    • I mean, I am just kinda awkward around people I don’t know well, girls especially, wish I could help buddy

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                    • 1
                      H0peless
                      H0peless

                      Self diagnosed Meme Lord - old

                      I've had one legit girlfriend. I hated it.

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                    • 1
                      H0peless
                      H0peless

                      Self diagnosed Meme Lord - old

                      Forever alone

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                    • Sorry dude the only thing I relate to is no girlfriend. Good luck tho

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