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Edited by DeMix: 4/8/2018 9:47:06 PM
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DeMix

The Thing by the Creek(Part 2) - by DeMix

The Thing by the Creek(Part 2) "Are you okay, honey?" My wife said in a painful tone. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine, I just... It's just hot, I guess." I said Lying through my teeth. "Hey, so what happened to you today before you forget?" Desperately trying to change the subject. " I won a one thousand dollar lottery ticket. Well, I didn't win it actually. Someone gave it to me. They said they didn't need any more money than they already had, and that they only bought it as a joke because they were bored." "That's pretty damn random," I said shockingly. My wife handed me half of it. "Here, we should spit it." "I can't take that, it's yours. You deserve it more than me anyway." I said sadly. "I don't even know what to do with it." Then a past thought occurred to me. My friend tried to sell me a Glock 17 before. For only two hundred and fifty dollars. "Actually... yeah, I'll take it, thanks," I said with a grim smirk on face. My wife smiled. "Alrighty then." The next morning I stayed home from work, and just told my wife I was sick. I headed out to see my friend about that gun. Thankfully, he still had it. He asked me why I changed my mind about it. I just told him it was for self-defense, bought it, with some ammo, and left. Before I arrived home I went to McDonald's for free WiFi, considering we don't have any bars out there in the woods. I didn't know how to use a gun, unfortunately. So I was watching the basics on handguns before going back to my house. It's was pretty easy to understand, which wasn't surprising. I arrive back home with one goal in mind: Killing that thing by the creek. My wife wasn't going to be home anytime soon. So I took it upon myself to go to the creek and gun down that eerie-looking, bear-like f**king thing. I was not going to allow that thing to ruin such a perfect place. I start walking over to the place where it had its head submerged in the water last time. Checking all my surroundings to see if I could see a trail of sorts. Then I noticed something in the creek where its head was before. It was a dark spot. A massive hole underneath the water. I shined my phone light down into the hole to check it. It was an underwater cave. A sudden fear clung to my throat heavily. My head was pulsing with unwanted thoughts; unwanted reasoning. " I can't do this shit." My head feeling heavy and suddenly dizzy. I sat down for a second to gather myself up into, hopefully, a ball of courage. I arise from my false sense of courage and dove into the hole. I emerged from the water, now inside a dusky, hair-raising looking cave. Getting out of the water I noticed the cave floor was sludge-like. I could barely see anything. For a second I thought this was really such a beautiful thing. I love nature. And with the right lighting, this cave would probably be quite beautiful. About five minutes into walking I noticed that there were beautiful glowing orbs in the distance. I had no idea what they were. They were pinkish, with a hint of purple. My false courage was turning into peace and wonder. Forgetting all about the reason I was down here in the first place. It wasn't until I got closer that I realized something sinister was near the orbs. It looked like that bear thing, except there was no fur, and it was smaller, yet still tall, and towering over the orbs on the wall. I started to realize that those things weren't any f**king harmless pretty little orbs, they were eggs, and that thing with fur must have laid them there. I took a big step back and slipped and fell. Making a loud clicking sound from the gun in my back. There was silence. The thing standing by the eggs was no longer there. I stood up as quietly as possible. My breathing was getting too loud. I turn around. And bump into something that felt like clay. Then froze. Looked up. And saw it, peering into my soul. That cadaverous looking thing was blocking the way I need to go to leave. It let out the loudest scream I've ever heard in my life, echoing through the cave. Startled, I pulled my Glock out and pulled the trigger. The mist from the blood hitting my face and my ears ringing. It was still alive, squirming around on the ground screeching. I took one more clean shot to its face. Killing that thing for good. Then, from the distance, I heard more screeching. This time it was multiple of those things. I looked back at the eggs and saw something I couldn't believe. It was the biggest one I've seen so far. The light from the eggs revealed that this thing had red fur. Standing at least twelve-foot tall. Literally twice my height. With four arms and two legs. It walked away expanding its arms as if giving a signal. Then an army of those things ran by it towards me. Their arms smacking the cave walls and screeching loudly. I didn't care if they were blind to movement anymore. I bolted into the water, desperately trying to escape. I could see the light from the hole in the creek. I'm almost there; I'm almost free. My hand emerged from the creek hole. Satisfaction filled my expression. My other hand emerged from the creek hole along with my head. I noticed I felt something rather odd as my second-hand touched the outside of the creek. I looked up and saw that black, bear-like thing standing over me. Suddenly I felt a massive force beneath my feet, my head bumping into rock, becoming unconscious. - [b]Sorry, this took a month. I don't want to rush these. And I was trying to figure out an ending. Part 3 will be pretty long. And the final part. This is rather short, intended to set up the ending. Constructive criticism welcome. [/b] [b]Part 1[/b] - https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/242629234?sort=0&page=0

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  • Reminds me of Stranger Things. I like it!

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    • Nice

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    • Edited by abearjo: 3/1/2018 7:17:32 PM
      Fantastic! This was really good for a shorter part of the story but nonetheless a great part of the story. I really liked the addition of an anchoring device in the story (a gun in this case) that the character relies on to help them through the part of a story. Now it may just be me reading fast. But I felt like the last stretch of him escaping was a little rushed and quick. Not building up suspension can really let down and audience at a big reveal. Other than that I say that this was a fine addition to the story! Take your time finding out the best possible ending for this story that fits your image of it. If you ever need some constructive criticism or your stumped on a certain part of the story feel free to PM me and I’ll see if I can help you out. :)

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      • tl;dr [spoiler]wort[/spoiler]

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      • You definitely improved in comparison to your last story. Keep it up!

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