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5/24/2017 9:35:53 PM
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Two Edgy Squeakers Showed Up on My Porch

For some reason, there are two scrawny kids sitting on my front porch with a high-power rifle. They said that they came here because I was--quote-on-quote--"hacking" in a 1v1 match that I supposedly played with the smaller one, who goes by the name of xX_PU$$YD35TR0Y3R6969_Xx. I don't remember playing a match with the pu$$y-man, let alone meeting him before; he keeps on mistaking me for the player he played with, who went by 360_N0Sc0p3zz. As you can tell by my player-name, I am [i]not[/i] 360_N0Sc0p3zz, but the smaller twig brought his bigger twig friend as well as his father's hunting rifle to "r3k me". I just called the authorities, but I'm not sure if they'll get here in time. What should I do?

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  • Run inside, lock the door, grab your axe, and then unlock the door. Hide in the basement while playing noises through music players that give the impression that you're everywhere. When the gun-toting squeaker is clearing rooms you grab the little squeaker and throw him in the basement. Let him scream for a second and then gag him again. This will cause the gun squeaker to run downstairs, where you will be waiting with an axe around the corner. Do only what is necessary to defend yourself and disarm him, then call the police. I am l33tsw@gw1994 and I'm an expert on squeakers.

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