My aunt was born with hydrocephalus and is completely retarded. She is essentially a ~40 year old that is an infant. Over time, the word has lost it's meaning. I have occasionally different feelings about it's use, but it is in context. If someone is actually calling someone a retard who isn't, meaning they're using it as an insult, I do take offense to it. When it is used as a description word for something I don't take as much offense. (ex: sometimes the game becomes retarded and breaks if you try that.) For me it can depend on context but it's use in general isn't good. It's worse when it's being used hurtfully than passively but it is never fun to hear.
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I appreciate your thoughts on the matter. And to be so firm-stanced on your position is very impressive. I hope all is well with your family.