I would settle for a live Twitch feed showing them firing their code team, followed up with something cool, like a mailbox with a exotic engram for every hour this game has been unplayable lol. Or a tremendous stack of strange and Three of Coins.
Or!
A guarantee that if RoI is not stable on launch day then anyone with a preorder gets reimbursed.
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Much rather have Legendary marks + strange coins, 5 every hour that went by from the patch. Lol