This is my 27th entry in the archives of Bungle the Jungle. The notifications bar, an innocent globe icon depicting a cartoonish Central and South America portion of the Earth. Boy have things gone south. I've associated that icon with my dying hopes and dreams of becoming a productive human being, member of society. I have camped out in the Bungie forums, staring at a smooth loading animation coaxing me into deep depression. [b]IT MOCKS ME! [/b]My only quest is to discover what lies beyond the pale number 1 highlighted by a red circle. My only request is to know its meaning, understand the purpose of its torment, [b]WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME HERE? [/b] I was an innocent man. Only a child. Stalking the halls of Cathedral of Dusk, Preacher Mk. 5 at the ready, yearning for the moment an unsuspecting afker would present themselves to me, allowing my k/d to ascend above 0.00. Boredom set in as the idle-kick system became more vigilant. I thirsted for something to fill my daily life, other than the monotonous begging to Xur to gift me one of his Sparrow upgrades. Purple Sparrows were another thing I craved, to have the honor of its presence, the comfort of memory foam seats while I drifted off yet another cliff. [b]STOP[/b]. I'm getting sidetracked. Then came the day I discovered the forums. I was delighted, so much so, in fact, that I had to buy a new keyboard. I'm going to let your imagination fill in the details. My first post read, " [u]how do get uh peepee colord wepon???[/u]" I received incredibly positive responses, cosisting of lovely one-word answers. Again, I'll let your imagination at it. I was delighted. I decided to create a second post, and this one would be better. At least 10x the effort would be poured into this thread. I could see it; my legacy as a forum star evolving from one small beginning, to a grand outburst of creativity. Throughout the journey I enhanced my skills as a writer. Boosted my vocabulary and enthusiasm. I even discovered the shift key! I completed the 4-page product with the title, " [i]Wut wepon id ur favrit?[/i]" With all the joy I could muster I jammed my finger into that post button so hard I needed a new mouse afterwards. And a new index finger. I didn't need a preview to know it was perfection. I waited a minute. Another. Success takes patience. After an hour of beaming at my computer I got my first reply. I eagerly clicked on the notifications icon and awaited to view the response to start off my career. It loaded. And it loaded. And it kept loading. Up until now I've refreshed the page 4,583 times. Wait- make that 4,584. My finger hurts more than when I discovered I could feel the inside of my- uh nevermind. My eyes have been numb since Day 6. I might be color blind by now... and gay. A thin layer of sweat coats my screen and hands. My parents came in my room once concerning power usage. I locked the doors and windows afterwards, haven't heard from them since. This time has given me a chance to rethink my life. Ponder my goals. This notification still ranks 1st on the list. The time to think has also lead me to the realization: this post probably isn't funny. Oops. But really, my notifications haven't loaded once without the message "Unable to load..." since Monday. Where was I? Oh yeah. My parents died and I have to fight bad guys as a mysterious vigilante wearing a cape and mask in an unusually crime-infected city. Wait, wrong story. I've been perched on this chair for so long that the butt-shaped pit in my chair has to have been labeled a sinkhole by at least several sinkhololigists by now. This is my warning to you; don't be like me. Get chrome first before beginning the endless expedition of willing your notifications bar to load. And if you decide to walk my path, do not let common distractions dismay you. Dead skin cells are edible. The hallucinations will go away... for the most part. Dropbox does [u]not[/u] want you to update. That's your parents trying to contact you. The Taken King Launch Collection advertisement banner will burn a hole where your rods and cones used to be. Do not be tempted by the consumeristic temptations. Let me leave you off on a good note. Life is like a bag of rocks. If you tell someone you have a bag of rocks, they wont care. But if you swing that bag of rocks around while nude in the middle of the street, no one will ever touch you again. I'm bad at this. [b]Edit[/b]: Now I have 17 notifications I [u]CANT CHECK[/u]