It'd be better if you cleaned it up little and added some spacing.
You've got a bunch of stray/missing punctuation, extra spaces, broken sentences, etc. Having everything as 1 big wall of text makes it pretty difficult to read too.
Interesting story idea though, I'd like to read more...
English
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Thanks for tip I appreciate it!
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You're welcome :) I noticed you've edited it and that's a good start so far. That last part could still use some work though. Don't be afraid break it up. Technically, when dealing with speech, each person talking should be in its own paragraph.
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Thanks again for the tips, I appreciate it!