Welcome to another Unofficial Weekly Update. While you wait for the real update to drop, here is something to pass the time.
Today's Poll: Were Deej's comments regarding weapon parts in poor taste?
So, it's been a bit since I've talked to anyone from a strike, so I decided to do just that! I tracked down the dreaded Shield Brothers, Valus Tlu'urn and Valus Mau'aul!
[b]Guys, thanks so much for agreeing to be interviewed![/b]
(Tlu'urn) : I'm happy to be here, Max, thank you for having us.
(Mau'ual): I'm just sooo happy too Max!
[b]So to start us off, tell us about why you felt the need to blow up the dreadnought and take half of the Solar System with it. Seems extreme...[/b]
(Tlu'urn): It wasn't supposed to go down like that. I had originally devised the bombs to blow up the Dreadnought and only the Dreadnought – if we blow up half of the Solar System then we, the mighty Cabal, cannot conquer and take necessary resources. Oryx had to pay, but we didn't want to lose all the possible resources. I had called for a precise mixture of three parts plutonium, one bag of Cabal fertilizer, and three drops of Element X, but a certain nincompoop ignored my instructions and added seventeen parts of plutonium, seventeen bags of fertilizer and a gallon of Element X.
(Mau'ual) I LIKE the number seventeen! Sometimes I sit and wonder what seventeen really means! It's before twenty, but after nineteen! And I just LOVE Element X! So squishy, yet sticky! I like to blob it up into balls and try to juggle them. Of course they are sticky so it doesn't work too well, and then it takes a few minutes to scrape it off my hands...
(Tlu'urn): Mau'ual...that is highly a volatile substance! You can't just juggle it! It's...just handling it can kill you if you aren't careful! Three drops will destroy a planet for crying out loud!
(Mau'ual) I KNOW HA HA HA! I wash my shoes and gloves with it! That's how they're so shiny spit shine clean!
(Tlu'urn): You WHAT?! Ugh...Max, please continue.
[b]So how did you guys become Valus'. Or...well whatever the plural name of Valus would be?[/b]
(Tlu'urn): It was quite simple really. I excelled in the field of battle by outwitting my opponents. I also have one of the highest IQ's of any Cabal, save for Valus Ta'aurc and as such I was recognized as Valus material. It's all part of my master plan you see.
[b]And what is that?[/b]
(Tlu'urn): Well, it's the same thing that it's always been -
(Mua'ual): OH I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS ONE!! PICK ME, PICK ME, PICK ME!
(Tlu'urn): Very well...
(Mua'ual): The master plan is the one that's in charge!
(Tlu'urn): ~pinches the bridge of his nose~
(Mua'ual): You know, it's like the plan that is the master of all the other plans, who have to do what he says! And he can create holidays and -
(Tlu'urn) You see what I have to work with?
[b]So...what is the real master plan then?[/b]
(Mua'ual): OH PICK ME, PICK ME, PICK ME!!!
(Tlu'urn): The master plan is, and always has been, to ascend the ranks of the Cabal to become the Supreme Warmaster! THEN I CAN CONQUER THE UNIVERSE!
(Mua'ual): As long as I keep getting human ketchup packets I'm with him! I just love them so much!!
[b]You like ketchup packets?[/b]
(Mua'ual): YES I DO! They are tasty. Plus they make silly little squishy noises when you clap them in your hands! OOOOOH! Even better is that you can twist them up and shoot them at things! Squishy, squishy, squishy, SQUIRT! HA HA HA!
(Tlu'urn): You know I hate it when you do that...
(Mua'ual): Do what? I'm confused now...
[b]How did HE become a Valus?[/b]
(Tlu'urn): To this day I don't know. He accidentally caused a ship reactor to go critical because he was banging a wrench on it to match the drum beat of a song -
(Mua'ual): I just LOVED the noise! BANG! HA, HA, HA! BANG! HA, HA, HA! BANG! HA, HA, HA-
(Tlu'urn): And the ensuing explosion killed a Valus who was planning on betraying the Supreme Warmaster. I don't know how he escaped...Mua'ual has a frustrating knack for survival...
(Mua'ual): It's because I wear the proper thigh pads and practice good stretching exercises!
[b]Anyway, how does blowing up the Dreadnought help you ascend ranks? If you blow up the ship with you on it then...you see where I'm going with this?[/b]
(Tlu'urn): Of course we would leave the ship before it exploded. We had an escape warp pod to take us home. Destroying the Dreadnought, which has been a serious thorn in the Cabal's side for years, would make the Supreme Warmaster notice me, and promote me to second in command. Then from there...it is only a matter of time. However, given that a certain colleague of mine can't follow simple directions, I was forced to...alter the plan slightly.
(Mua'ual): I'm altering the deal, pray I don't alter it further. HA HA HA!
[b]Alright then...so what's the plan now?[/b]
(Tlu'urn): Well, moving for -
(Mua'ual): I want to learn to ride a human bicycle! OH! And I also want to fill my helmet up with water and go banging my head on walls so I can hear the muffled THUD! It's one of my most favorite noises out there, and I won't get an ouchy on my head because I have helmet on that's insulated with WATER! Science is so fun!
(Tlu'urn): ~eye twitches~
(Mua'ual): Then I want to go and see Valus Ta'aurc again! He's teaching me how to swallow my own tongue!
[b]Okay then...right. Uh, so what would you change to make Destiny better?[/b]
(Mua'ual): I want a gun that when you pull the trigger, out pops a banner that says BANG! HA HA HA! OOOOOH and I want tube socks that say “my other ride is a giraffe!”
(Tlu'urn): You...imbecile...ugh! That wasn't what he was asking at all! Max, I think that Destiny could be made better by upping the drop rates of -
(Mua'ual): HA, HA, HA! YOU SAID DROP, HA, HA, HA!
(Tlu'urn):~sigh~ If we weren't spawned from the same mother I'd kill you myself...
And there you have it folks! The words of the fearsome duo, the Shield Brothers!
Xur visited the Tower last week, and brought nothing of real value. Players are growing frustrated with Xur lately, and while not a new development, it seems to have reached a low point. One player was quoted as saying, “Impossible Machines huh? These gonna be the new Sunbreakers?” Players are hoping that Xur's inventory will improve as lately, he has been useful for little other than purchasing 3 of Coins, which has a questionable value as far as exotic drops go. One poster said, “Hey Bungie, now would be a good time to start releasing year one exotics through Xur!”
Deej announced in last week's update that Bungie plans to alleviate the crippling weapon parts shortage by having the Gunsmith sell them for Glimmer. Deej was quoted as saying, “My Boss says things are getting dire for him! He's down to only 1656 of them so we need to act fast,” which was accompanied shortly after by yet another glimmering gem of Deej word smithing: “In all sincerity, as the curators of your living social world, we reserve the right to tinker with the economy. We also reserve the right to change our minds again once we've had a chance to read the forum. Thanks for giving enough of a damn to tell us what's up.” Many readers felt the remarks were insensitive, and, in a word, douchey, with one reader saying, “Nice Deej...real nice.” Still, it's nice to know that we will be seeing a solution for our weapon parts that requires more grinding, and spending of another resource to acquire parts. It's really a much better option than, say, restoring the original 25% hack they took in the first place. Deej hinted about an update coming in December that will have more welcome changes to the economy, including a use for Etheric Light and Wormspore. The community trembles with anxiety at what could be coming...
Fallout 4 was released this week, and in a stunning upset, did not appear to kill Destiny. Many players were reporting instances of people still playing Destiny, and it appears that the game is still with healthy player base. Many people thought that Fallout 4 would kill Destiny outright with it's superior quests, better customization, true open world experience, memorable set pieces, larger arsenal of guns, building mechanics, ability to be played effectively single player and most of all, a total lack of RNG. It should be noted that Call of Duty: Black Ops III was supposed to kill Destiny as well, but it seems that this monster is here to stay folks. Until Destiny 2 comes out. That one will probably kill Destiny. Just saying.
Frustrations over horrid raid drops continue to boil, as players are reporting great difficulty increasing their light level by even a single point. Players had hoped that the drops in the hard mode raid (which had higher light level) would help them get their levels up, but it seems that RNG skewed to favor what you were missing really meant “screw you, sucker! Try again next week!” Many players are finding gear that either is lower in light level than what they already have, or, even more sinister, pulling duplicates of gear, both lower in light level than what they were using. One player was quoted as saying in another post, “Three hours of work for a small chance to increase by a single light level...seems fair.”
That's all we have time for this week folks! Thanks as always for reading, and remember to keep those guns piping hot and those Strange Coins handy! I'll see you in the wild!
Oh, and you can follow me on Twitter now, @MurdiusMaximus. I'd love it if you'd follow me. I'll try to say something funny at least once a day.
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1 ReplyThat was a good read keep em coming