When I was walking my grandma's dogs along the beach, I saw a girl from school I hated and the two dogs went apeshit on her, so I accidentally dropped the lead and after a good 5 minutes of them chasing her down the beach, I pick up the lead and say "Sorry, they're bred to catch rats." I then proceed to skip home and sip hot chocolate.
[b][i][u]NEW SUBMISSIONS[/u][/i][/b]
You can now tell us the funniest (naughty) thing you've ever done.
It's a long story, ask for full story if you want but we basically bought 10 condoms from a dispenser in a restaraunt bathroom and blew them up [spoiler]Kaboom [/spoiler] like ballons and stuffed them in a stall
We have 911 posts
Another rek is
"I dont have the time, nor the crayons to explain that to you
1k lmao
English
#Offtopic
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I used to get into fights all the time with this certain kid when I was a kid in elementary school. He was like 1 grade behind and extremely racist. Recently he died of a drug overdose while I just bought a house! Life win!!!!
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Somewhere around 2,200 degrees Fahrenheit
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Ok so me and my friends were playing on some Battlefield 3 server and the map was Caspian Border and the admin was Wrecking with the Jet. So my friends and I decided to ALL become engineers and Igla him outta the sky. We were successful and killed him. He messages me and says "No Iglas on my server, stop or ban." We get a kick out of that. So we all wait for him to get back into the jet and go at it again. We shoot him down quickly and he bans us: "Quit using Iglas noobs" So I message him back: "Did we ruin your kill streak you got from your mom's credit card? Suck it up princess and grow a pair" I was rather proud of that myself.
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Imb4thatstupid12yearoldbabysittercopypasta
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5 RepliesDuring my Junior year of High School, I was a TA for one of my favorite teachers. It was a 3-D Modeling class. Very easy if you follow the templates. Very difficult if you do not. I mastered it in 3 weeks or so. And in high school I was always pitched shit for my long hair and being 6'5". One day I walked into class and noticed everyone of the students was either watching a movie, or playing a game. So, I asked the first kid if I could see his finished work. Since he was watching a movie I figured he must be finished. When he loaded up his assignment, he barely touched it. So I told him to finish it before he watches a movie again, and that it was an easy assignment. He says, "Well if it's so easy, let's see you do it." Game on. I have done this model many times before. But I wasn't going to let him know that. I proceeded to knock it out in 20 minutes, which should take a newcomer about 3 days. Had the teacher look it over. It's perfect. Proceed to tell him to kiss my ass and get to work. #rekt
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So basically, I'm a rapper. And a friend of mine asked me to write a diss on him, I immediately said yes. I was down as -blam!- to write it. I was downer than a whore performing oral. So anyways, we were at the lunch table the next day (where all the legendary roasts of all time happen) and we begin. I ended up embarrassing him in front of the whole lunchroom because it ended up getting silent and our table caused hella commotion. I said a couple of punchlines that were good, but the best one was "Why's your nose longer than you and your ex's relationship?" I had the lunch room erupt. It was insane. Definitely a memory I'll keep forever. There have been plenty more better than that, but I just can't recall them. Anyway, him and I are still pretty tight 😂, so no worries.
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Ask your moms anus. ;)
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One year in health class my teacher was telling my class that we were old enough to masturbate. He told us that if we were to fap we should do it somewhere private, like a bathroom, bedroom, or a closet, and that we should lock the door if we could. Just then a guy who I hate raised his hand to go use the bathroom. The teacher said 'yes'. When he was opening the door to leave I said, 'Don't forget to lock the door!' The class burst out laughing.
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Pls 1k
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Philosophical insight of the day: Is it possible to be older than your parent?
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Edited by Thy Dane: 8/19/2015 12:05:27 AMnot mine but a friend of mine roasted this annoying baseball player at lunch today it went something like you're ugly, stupid, and weak in fact, if we played baseball id be drake and youd be meek!!! needless to say he left while we were all dying on the ground
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well this should say it
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8 RepliesSomebody called me a scrub for buying a weapon from xur in destiny. I replied "This scrub is about to scrub your KD."
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16 RepliesI got killionaire in halo
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3 RepliesAt restaurant with pretty much my entire squad and one asshole who we knew and was there for an event. he was getting all salty and trash talking snd just being annoying. We get our food and i ask the waiter for another shaker of pepper. Meanwhile he gets all salty and accidentally spills hot-sauce on himself. Me: man ur so salty are you on your period Him: no you bitch someone with a brain would see i spilled hot sauce *waiter brings pepper* Me: all this pepper and your still so salty Everyone: mixture of damns and ooohs Best night ever
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12 RepliesI burnted your mom's pussy. [spoiler]OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH[/spoiler]
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Me and my friend were walking towards a door. Just before I went through he stood back and said 'ladies first' when we got out the door I said 'if I'm a woman yo momma's a lezbion'
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12 RepliesI was playing 2v2 skirmish awhile back and this Titan, who was using Hawkmoon, kept tea bagging me every time he killed me. So my team was losing pretty bad (I won't lie) so I decide its scrubbin time, so I pull out my Felwinters, Vex, & Blink. We still lost even with my scrub strategy. The Titan who kept yea bagging killed me for the game winning kill with 2 shots from his Hawkmoon & all of a sudden he sits down staring at my ghost. The bottom left corner read : THE_219_KILLA_ found Hawkmoon! My first Hawkmoon was given to me from Lord Shaxx for my hard work & persistence.
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2 RepliesIn hockey, I told a goalie "I've seen nicer pads at the pharmacy"
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3 RepliesI was in this competition with this other guy to "woo" this girl. Keep note that my competitor is breath-takingly handsome compared to my features. It was the final round and we were neck-&-neck. I had to use my ultimate weapon. "Roses are red, pizza is too. I ordered a large, just for you." As the whole crowd shores in excitement, I carried my girl while my competitor was crying a river. *The story is obviously fake but it is pretty epic.
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>in a group of girls with my friend >friend brags about how he has to salvage someone's relationship >he's with his girlfriend and they are mad at each other >opportunity arises >lol.jpg >I ask how is he suppose to salvage his friends when he can't salvage his own >git rekt m8 >never talk again >totally worth losing a friend
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Hardest I've burnt someone must have been the time I was testing out my new flamethrower..
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1 ReplyWent flawless and told my friend. He replied I don't care and my friend and I kept saying roast until he blocked us, and I'm still blocked
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1. if i take any more of this from you i might just jump from your cockiness down to your iq 2. please get your head out of your butt, its not a hat 3. umm dude are you severely constipated because you are full of crap
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My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships. You're only that skinny because you're always jumping to conclusions.
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Pls give 1k replies