originally posted in:The Collective Anomaly
Growing up I heard rumors of its existence, the old men would stretch stories and spin it’s tales to the eager ears of children in the village. A lost world! One filled with vast riches and resources, abandoned by our ancestors in the great collapse. Some of these children grew into adults who could plainly see the absurdity of such stories; others left our little village with such great hopes and aspirations never to be seen again.
I was one of the first ones, the non-believers… That is I used to be.
I’m not sure, what age I was when my Ghost first awoken me, or how many days I wandered through the desert mindlessly until I finally came upon the village. At first they did not know what to make of me, as it had been many decades since they had seen an outsider. Some wanted to stone me, calling me a retrograde due to my skin did not share the same vibrant pinks, and blue hues as theirs did. Some after seeing my Ghost were deeply afraid of me, calling me the light of destruction, but one… an elderly widow took pity on me, lucky for me she was also the chief elder and her word was law. She took me into her home, she feed me and she even named me “Sitka” after a great ancient tree, I simply knew her as “Aunt” and my words could never express the love and thankfulness I had felt for her.
As the years passed, I was happy there. I mindlessly tilled the ground under the hot double sun, oblivious to my surroundings and the seasons. That is until that fateful day when my Aunt had quietly gone to sleep, never to wake again.
The whole town had shown up to her funeral, even the children. As the town all wept telling each other stories of how Aunt had blessed each others lives, I however sat alone in the darkness of my dwelling, simply staring at an empty wall.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “May I come in young man?” asked the soft reassuring voice behind the long wooden planks. It was Annair the new Chief Elder.”Please come in” I responded, as I finally diverted my gaze from the wall into the general direction of the door. Annair who was huddled by age and hard labor, shuffled himself into the room and planted himself to the closest chair possible. Annair's expression turned grim “I’m sorry for your loss, we all loved her deeply but there is something we must discuss” he said. Concerned and puzzled by his statement I responded “What do you need me to help you with?” Annair then lowered his head in shame and quietly said “You will have to leave the village, it’s time” I stood back astounded. “Why, what have I done wrong?” I asked him with a raised voice. Annair slowly lifted his head to look me in the eyes. “Nothing, you have done nothing wrong” he responded. “Then why?” I pleaded with him. Annair’s expression had now turned sternly almost stone like “There is something deep inside you that cannot dwell amongst the living. The Darkness hunts your kind and devours all in its fury. It’s no longer safe for you to be with us” Deep down I understood what he meant. As the villagers aged I somehow remained the same, I had never even suffered a single day of illness. It was if every molecule in my being had defied nature itself, it was the epitome of the unnatural, it was my Ghost.
Annair then presented a small metal case that was hidden amongst his cloak. “She wanted you to have this, but she asked that you do not open it until you leave the village” said Annair as he gently handed the box to me, he then added “Here is also something from me, go there and you may find what’s left of the ships that brought us here” he then handed me a piece of paper to which looked like a map.
Annair watched me as I gathered a few of my things, and filled my water jug. Upon finishing, I shook his hand and thanked him for his kindness; I was leaving never to look back. From the desert I came, and now the desert I go back.
English
-
I know there is no limit on length, but I would recommend keeping your entry to only one part. Otherwise, you might lose readers because it's "TL;DR" which is an excuse by lazy people who don't want to take the time to read. But, seeing as how this is a short story contest, I would try to keep it around 1,000-words. A few grammatical and spelling errors, but overall it was good. If you plan on continuing this story, post it on our main thread and I'll give you more feedback.
-
lol Too long winded huh? I believe your right. To be honest, back in my school days I was always good at Math or Social Studies, but almost failed English every year. So I do struggle with grammar a bit, but I think I'm getting better. I think think the problem with this story is I didn't exactly know where I was going with it where as my other story I had a better general idea, and it's much shorter.
-
Edited by cbrstar: 6/19/2015 9:20:07 AMPart 2 I walked many days and nights into the desert before finding a cliff that was tall enough to provide rest with shade from the scorching Sun. As I rested I decided to finally come to terms with opening the box that Aunt had left me. My heart jumped with anxiety as the latches snapped open… “Umm Ghost, what is this?”I asked. “It appears to be a firearm” Ghost responded in a sarcastic tone. “I know that, but what is this other thing?” I asked Ghost frustrated. Ghost scanned the object as he proceeded to hover over the box. “It’s a flight computer’s hard drive loaded with star charts… Downloading data, interesting I now know which planet they came from, and where they landed. The map Annair gave you is slightly wrong by 23 degrees or 200 miles” responded Ghost. Leaving the box but not the contents, I decided to continue on my way. While I trudged through the sand and the heat of the desert, I couldn’t help but wonder why Aunt had left me such things, and where did she get them from. A couple more days had passed, the heat and exhaustion had become unbearable, I was deciding whether or not it was time to drop this big heavy useless pistol in order to save weight and energy. That’s when I saw it out of the corner of my eye. Half exposed sticking out of the wind and sand, it was a corpse, but not just any corpse it was my friend Jehruku. Memories came flooding back about the time 3 years ago, when he had asked me to go with him on the grand adventure, he seemed so confident at the time. I had felt guilty for saying no, as Jehruku was the only one who hadn’t treated me as an outsider in the village, he looked so betrayed, but he just didn’t understand I had to stay and take care of Aunt. Now the arid heat of the sun had mummified his body leaving him forever staring at the open sky. I couldn’t help but ponder, was this the fate of all adventurers who left? Did the village send out all these people knowing they would die from heat exhaustion, all alone in the desert with nothing more than fake maps and broken hopes? Just so they could save on precious resources with a few less mouths to feed? Then it dawned on me, something is wrong here! Jehruku’s face appears to be frozen as if he’s in absolute terror screaming for his life, and then suddenly I felt it… that weird sense of dread as if someone is watching you. I turned around to gauge my surroundings but could only see nothing, no less anyone for miles, all around there is only sand. I asked myself “Has the heat finally gotten to me, am I just imagining things?” I then said a quick prayer for my friend, and then began walking again, following Ghost into the nothingness, all the while grasping my pistol a bit more closely. A couple weeks passed by and a strange occurrence happened… I’ve come across another body…I can’t tell if this is a sign I’m on the right path, or if it’s a sign of bad luck. I do know however, that without the sand storm last night he would be still covered in sand and Id have walked right past him. His clothes look strange, and they are covered in some kind of ancient writing. I have never seen anything like them before, and I can tell he has been dead a very long time. In his hand, he‘s still grasping a piece of metal as if he was writing something on it with his knife. “Ghost translate this for me please” I asked pointing at the metal. Ghost then repeats. “Scanning… ancient Earth dialect German found, it says…I will not fall Xuandra’s the liar’s tricks, even now he hunts waiting and watching for me in my weakest moment. I will not give into his lies, the price is too great! I will not lose my (Illegible) if I do not want anything, then he cannot trick me. I must remember he is a LIAR, LIAR, LIAR!” I gaze at Ghost who is still examining the body “Do you think the Sun got him and he went a bit crazy, like what do you make of all this?” I ask Ghost. “I don’t know, but this is a golden age flight suit and helmet, you could benefit greatly from wearing this” responds Ghost. “Oh no, there’s no way I’m going to wear some 500 year old dead guys suit, besides it probably won’t fit” I responded completely repulsed by the idea. Ghost turns to me squinting his eye “Don’t worry, I’ll make it fit”
-
PART 3 Another day had passed. I hate to admit it but Ghost was right, the suit seems to have an incredible ability to keep my body cooler, and the re-breather in the helmet has taken the hot sting from the air. I can cover much more ground faster like this, now only if my water would hold out. Ghost perks up “Ahead 53 meters, seven class D starships located” I put my hand across my visor to get a better look “I don’t see anything just flat boring sand Ghost, where are they?” Ghost turns to me “It’s been 500 years, I believe the desert has buried them” I take a deep sigh to regain my resolve “Ok well, scan and point me to the best one” I guess it’s time to start digging. I immediately regretted that I carelessly had thrown away the metal box. Especially now that my precious helmet will have to do as a makeshift shovel, as I scoop away at the sand. The sun feels much hotter than before, and I can feel my lips cracking, the last of the water is long gone. Then it finally happened… Everything thing turned black and fuzzy, and I could no longer feel my body, I don’t know how long I was like this before Ghost awoke me again, and despite what Ghost says, I know deep down that I had died, due to I had felt this strange feeling before but, a very long time ago, a lifetime perhaps. I sat up staring into my shallow partially re-filled hole, trying to summon up the strength to continue. When suddenly I felt a great presence…no a great power behind me. As I turned, I saw a magnificent serpent covered in brown feathers rise out of the sand, which stood at least twice the height of me. Ghost in a puzzled voice said, “An Ahamkara, but they are extinct” I however, was scrambling and searching my clothing for where I had left my Gun, but no sooner I had found it, the creature spoke. “I am Xuandra the great one, and if you should know anything of me, it is this…I have the power to grant you the deepest desires of your heart” it bellowed in a deep yet calming tone of voice. “Is this true” I asked as I turned to Ghost “Well err technically yes, that is what the historical records say” Ghost responded. I then turned back towards the creature and said “I just happened to have met someone, who was very adamant about you being a liar, so why would you help me, and what do you get out of all this?” The beast now sitting silent, curls his tail. “I know of the one to which you speak Guardian, I have been watching you” The great snake then stretches out his great neck and continues “Guardian…He knew the price…they all did, the entire crew had come pleading for me to save them from the Darkness, as their entire world collapsed, and even though they had been murderous, almost destroying my kind, I still granted their hearts desire, and brought them to this world…You see Guardian, I’m not the evil one here” “I’m confused, what is this price you speak of?” Ghost asked the Serpent. The serpent frowns at Ghost as it replies “I won’t lie…There is a universal law that states, Matter cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be transferred from one state to another… My kind, very long ago learned how to freely do this, but it takes a special type of matter, some call it your life force, others in the past have called it ones soul. You see Guardian, you cannot create something out of nothing, there’s a price to be paid” I grew concerned and asked the Serpent. “The survivors like that man. What was their price, for you to bring them all the way out here just to die?” The Serpent smiled “You see Guardian, for they were too poor for what they wanted, so I took what little they had on the promise, they would send their children, and their children’s, children, all for me to sip on to sustain me. In return their race gets to survive extinction…You however are not poor, with your little infinite light we can have the perfect symbiotic relationship. If you sustain me, I can give you anything you desire, even the entire world to which you seek” I looked deep into its Eye’s “I think your price is too high, as I don’t need your help for such small things, after all, time is on my side. I think you should leave” I said sternly. The beast leaped up in a fury. “If I go now, I will punish the villagers further! Do you think it hasn’t rained in hundreds of years by coincidence? Only I have the power to end their suffering, and I know they are what your heart truly desires” Gripping my pistol tighter I ask the Beast. “Let me ask you one thing Serpent, what was Jehruku’s desire before you killed him?” A smirk ran across the Serpents face as he responded. “He wanted what they always want… A little drop of water to extend their life a couple precious minutes longer” I felt an incredible rage swell up inside me, I could feel its heat and all I could see was red. I looked down at my pistol and it was almost as if it was on fire, it shun brighter then the noon suns. I don’t remember pulling the trigger, but 3 shots rang out and the great beast dropped to the ground with a great thud like a stone. Ghost now hovering over what was left of the feathered Serpent said to me “I always wondered how I came to be on this planet, but now I believe that I have the answer…long ago, this creature had fulfilled your wish, and it unwittingly brought me here, If only it knew that it would lead to its eventual demise…poor thing” I turned to Ghost as my stomach suddenly rumbled, “I have to ask, is this thing edible? There is nothing else out here” Ghost eye opened wider, “The records say that they taste like some bird called a Chicken, so I would assume yes” He was delicious, and he gave me enough sustenance to keep digging until we finally reached a hatch of the once great ship. Ghost used his power to breathe life back into its long dead engines, and the great metal behemoth rose slowly from the sand, and then onwards into the sky. “Now where to? Would you like me to plot a course for your home world?” Asked Ghost, as the ship glided in the planets orbit” But I couldn’t help but look out the window at the place I called home. It was Ironic I thought; only a couple thousand miles to the west of the village was great oceans of water, and great green jungles of land. If they only had known, if only someone had told them. “We’re going back” I told Ghost. Now my little ones, you know how we came to live in this fertile green beautiful world, this is not a tall tale or myth, and though I do not look it, I’m much older the oldest of old men. And when you’re finally ready, and I’m ready, we will finally go in search of the home of our ancestors, but first we must not forsake but preserve the home which we have today, for as the price our ancestors had paid for it, was very great. End
-
Edited by ArkangelS187: 6/19/2015 7:28:51 AMBump:D keep writing! I want to know what's in the metal case
-
Edited by cbrstar: 6/20/2015 9:57:47 AMI put part 3 the ending in the main thread...I hope it's not too long
-
Edited by cbrstar: 6/19/2015 9:11:28 AMThanks for the encouragement, I put part 2 in the comments and I'll try to Finnish up with the ending tomorrow. btw I wrote part 2 really late at night, hopefully it's readable lol
-
Sorry I haven't gotten to any of the Hunting part yet, and please excuse my poor grammar. I just wanted to see what you guys think, If I should keep writing or not.
-
Nice intro. Interesting twist on the Guardian origin story. Thought the middle section could do with a few more paragraph breaks. As far as continuing it goes, I'd definitely be interested to see where you are going with this. I'd suggest starting a new thread. I think it might get buried if you put it all here.
-
I put the ending in the main thread, I hope it's not too long.. I still have to fix up the middle lol
-
Edited by cbrstar: 6/19/2015 7:28:41 PMThank you!, I will try to edit it better, and I will re-post part 2 in the main thread. I know my grammar isn't the greatest, im working on it lol ... Or did you mean I should put it into a completely new thread away from the contest?