There are some simple solutions for you:
1) don't play ToO. Seriously. You don't HAVE to visit the lighthouse. And you don't NEED the lighthouse rewards. You get them if you CAN earn them. Otherwise, just don't play (note: I haven't played ToO yet!)
2) play ToO as well as you can and take the rewards you get. Try your hardest along the way, and focus on having fun and developing good strategies. Take those matches against top teams as a challenge, and try different approaches to them to better yourself and your fireteam for future challenges in pvp
3) most importantly: stop thinking that because the lighthouse exists that you deserve to go there. It isn't meant for everyone, least of all right away. Portions of destiny's design seem inspired from Dark Souls, and much of the basis there is: die die and die again, but learn from it. Having played that game for many many hours, there were still places too challenging to go, content too difficult for me. And that's OK. It gave me something to work towards.
And for my cash money, that is what ToO is: something to work towards. First, you need top tier gear. Then you are better off having pvp specific gear. Then, once you're geared up, you've gotta practice and learn. And that's all part of the challenge.
If you don't enjoy that, then kindly GTFO
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