originally posted in:The Collective Anomaly
[quote]When she left Auror picked up a pen...[/quote]
You are combining a dependant clause with an independent clause, so, it would be written as: [i]When she left, Auror picked up a pen...[/i] Just one lone comma after left. You don't need to enclose Auror in that sentence because he is essential information.
When Ember was asked if she took her medication, she replies:
[quote]"Right." she said[/quote]
Replace the period with a comma anytime a speaker's dialogue is followed by, 'he said' 'she said' etc...
Anyway, this is intriguing. I look forward to reading more.
English
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Thanks for the criticism man. Always going to need it. 😊