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originally posted in:The Collective Anomaly
originally posted in: Torn Destiny - Chapter One
3/19/2015 10:27:19 PM
1
Pretty good. I assume there's going to be more? Or is it just a quick one-time story? If you're looking for feedback on grammar, I noticed a couple things. [quote]Ghost just rolls her and floats near him, acting as his spotter.[/quote] Looks like you might have forgotten a word here. [quote]Spots of snow dotted his armor, and only his rifle as his visible weapon. [/quote] Perhaps here you meant "was" instead of "as"? Otherwise everything after the "and" does not constitute an independent clause. If you do plan to write more, I'd like to read it.
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  • Yes, there will definitely be more. I just wanted to get this idea out there, I have so many works I have on my back right now that updates will be slow. And thank you for the heads up on my typos, I'm writing in my phone so it's a bit awkward.

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