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originally posted in:The Collective Anomaly
originally posted in: Lore Center: ghosts
Edited by ChorrizoTapatio: 3/9/2015 9:16:31 PM
2
This was freakin' awesome! I love what you're doing with the Ghost. It's a great start, but there are some errors in there: [quote] By the majority [/quote] -Drop the capital "B" [quote] he may lead go to [/quote] -This sentence need to be revised a bit as to make more sense [quote] The harsh blinding light illuminated the room, [/quote] -try " The harsh, blinding light illuminated the room" [quote] him. It was [/quote] - try, "him; it was" [quote] wonders, chaos and destruction [/quote] -try, " wonders: chaos and destruction" [quote] way the ghost display [/quote] -displayed [quote] himself buy [/quote] -by [quote] brains memory [/quote] -brain's [quote] guardians,but [/quote] -just needs a space [quote] Suppose his Voice [/quote] -I don't think these need capitalization Other than that it was a really good read!
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