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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
Edited by Rev: 1/23/2015 12:53:22 PM
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Rev
Rev

Destiny Release and patch schedule 2015

Destiny Roadmap 2015 Yearly Directive: Slow down player progression, maximise profit. First quarter: - Ensure fewer Purple engram drops. Far fewer. - Give less XP from decrypts at Cryptarch. - Rarely give Purple rewards when leveling up Cryptarch rank. Ensure they are always blue, and always boots. - introduce new 'bug' where players can only throw grenades behind them, and have to dance on ammo to pick it up. - Make players have to reset their weapon of choice whenever new content is released. Ensure they need to spend more Glimmer, start leveling the weapon from scratch, and charge them 2 additional Exotic shards for the privilege. Mugs. - Make enough daily and weekly content unplayable for people too cheap to buy our latest dlc, that they have literally no choice but to buy it if they want to keep playing the game they already bought. - 'fix' any aspect of the Raids that lets people win it without screaming. Scan YouTube for videos. - DeeJ goes on holiday. Second quarter: - Create a bigger Vault for all those demanding brats… Customers, I mean. However, to keep in line with Yearly Directive: make them give up their old Vault, and everything in it, to upgrade. And charge 200 Crucible AND Vanguard Marks, and 25k Glimmer. - Release House of Wolves. - Ensure first 3 weeks following new dlc launch has only HoW dailies, weeklies and nightfall. - Raise level of bad guys to 36, and make players upgrade /reset all weapon progress again. Hehe. - Set player cap to 35, and ensure only 1% have the patience to grind for the necessary shards. Third quarter: - fix the bugs we 'accidentally' introduced in quarter one. - Continue to not fix the famous Heavy Weapon Ammo bug because, let's face it, it's just funny not to. - Create a third subclass for all archetypes, but it's the same across all: a pack mule. It has only one power, back-kick, and it's meant to carry stuff, and because we're nerfing the Postmaster and halving the carry limit, every Fireteam will need to have one. - Consider employing a second Customer Services employee. Actually, scrap that. Fourth quarter: - DeeJ back from holiday. - fix the bugs we 'accidentally' introduced in quarter two. - Release Destiny 2, which is exactly the same as 1 but with a bigger Vault, no Heavy Weapon Ammo bug, and slightly improved textures. People have to buy it to contribute playing, but they can't use any of their existing characters or weapons. They can, however, keep Gjallahorn and their favourite boots. That should be *just* enough to ensure there are enough people shouting 'meg!' to anyone that complains. Everything else they must start from scratch. We've also managed to get the loading times down significantly so that players can be playing the game within an unbelievable 20 minutes of switching their console on. Mostly satire with a touch of truth. Or is it the other way round... Edit: - Install our own 'lag switch' that disconnects players at annoying points, such as, for instance, when Xyor finally appears when someone had been soloing the mission patiently for over an hour. Appease the players by giving the error codes cute animal names so they forget how annoyed they were. - If we allow Xur, by accident, to sell a decent weapon such as Ghorn or IB, we must ensure he sells ONLY the very worst exotic weapon for the next 8 weeks.

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