I slipped into the window, the wind flowing through endlessly and equivalent like an old man who just broke wind after a long night of beans, nachos, and Prune juice swelling in your intestines like a Freakin huge Hydrogen bomb. I get into bed, feel her long barrel, her warm chassis. I give the chassis a squeeze like warm summer squeeze cheese left out in the parking lot day after day. I reload, it's feels so damn good! We both squeak and squawk like giddy little parrots. All of a sudden the doors bursts open in the bedroom. A shadowy load of a man with a handlebar mustache, a leather biker jacket, and an eye patch the length of a quarter pounder with the inscription "Mr. Mercury". The grotesque Mercury father stereotype shouts "Get off my daughter you hardlightin pig!", Mercury wips out his Suros, I wip out my Hardlight, and an immediate swourd fight ensues! Mercury sticks me in the belly button, and I fall to the ground in agonizing pain. The large planet of a man jumps in for the kill but I blast my white hard load into his face! He screams in pain! I signal to the Monte Carlo "Now now now!" And he comes running up the stairs, through the door and with a bottle of whipped cream and his freakishly long swourd. The blade stabs Mercury right through the chest, and he falls through the window, shattering into a million pieces, never to be seen again. And that my illegitimately conceived children, is how my mighty hardness defeated Mercury, and how he has not shown up to this day in Destiny.