There was a time when I used to like children. But then I stopped being a kid. Now children drive me up the wall. A few minutes ago I was sitting in the school library and working on a rather long report about electrical circuitry for a class of mine. Then a mother and her child comes in. The child's name was Jordan. How did I know this? Because he kept running around and screaming and she kept whispering "Jordan...get back here. Jordan. JORdan! "JORDAN GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" until her commands became Verbatim. She picked him up and he flung his arms and legs around screaming and biting. If I were his mother, I would have beat the shit out of him. As soon as she put him back on the ground, the little punk kept running around and knocking books over. So I put on my noise cancelling headset in hopes that if I put on some music, I could block out his braying.
No such luck, his high pitched screeches got past the sonic barrier of my headset and continued to interrupt my train of thought. So I decided to pack up my things and move elsewhere. There was a lounge area with some vending machines and a TV. A few people were playing billiard, but the noise level was tolerable. So I found a seat at a table and continued on my report. Only 10 minutes had passed when the mother and her retard entered the lounge. When he saw the vending machines, he immediately DEMANDED to have M&Ms. The mother refused and all shit broke loose. He threw himself onto the ground in a lever 3 tantrum, kicking his legs and flailing his arms. The little bastard bit into his mother's heel, causing her to scream a profanity. For a moment, I thought she might smack him. But no such luck, she simply said "Why did you do thaaat?!? Gosh! Jordan!". He responded by screaming "I WANT EN AND ENS! I WANT EN AND ENS!!!!!!" .Finally, the mother relented and got her spoiled brat some M&Ms.
He calmed down for a few minutes. But soon he started running around again and making a lot of noise. He played drums with the chairs, ran up behind random people and hit them, got into the trash, hit his mother, smeared his snot-ridden face against ALL of the windows, giving the impression that a large snail had somehow slimed it's way across the glass. Finally, he ran over to me and hit me in the crotch and laughed. In an instant, my adrenaline raged through my veins. I swung hard and true. When my fist connected with his face, he flew across the room while spinning in a barrel roll. He landed on the billiard table and accidentally swallowed the cube of chalk for the billiard cues. It got lodged in his throat and caused him to gag. Before anybody could administer the Heimlich maneuver, he upchucked so hard, that not only did the chalk dislodged, but he also puked all over the table, thoroughly ruining it.
Vomit as an interesting effect on a lot of people. Those who witness it and smell it, are also compelled to vomit. This is what happened to the guys who were using the pool table. They vomited all over the child and on the floor. As people ran into the lounge to find out what the commotion was about, they saw the bile everywhere and vomited as soon as the stench hit their noses. One guy must have had to take a crap, because when he doubled over to vomit, he ended up shitting his pants as well. This of course, cause a more violent chain vomit reaction. After things settled down, the mother grabbed her bile-covered child and walked out the door. Just before the door shut, I heard her shout "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO ME JORDAN?!?" That's why I hate children.
TL;DR - Go back up to the top and read it you illiterate asses.
English
#Offtopic
-
tl;dr
-
It's about parenting. Kids only act as shitty as their parents allow. also >one kid is annoying >hates all of them
-
Edited by Emo Furries FTW: 9/2/2014 9:56:53 PM... yes... this pleases me... Write a book sometime...
-
Edited by WORKSHOPWIZARD : 9/2/2014 9:55:36 PM3 words [spoiler]very [u]bad[/u] parenting. [/spoiler]
-
Kids hate you
-
[quote]Verbatim[/quote]
-
10/10
-
8.8/8
-
Than you'll [i]hate[/i] my little cousin.
-
Not reading.
-
Not reading, but I will say I have annoying luck with children. Usually whenever I go out to a place and someone's little kid is running around, when I try to correct my path to avoid the child, the child will suddenly run toward my direction thus causing an awkward moment where I need to re-maneuver myself away from the child so I can continue walking toward my destination. Guess the kids can pick up my "stay the -blam!- away from me" vibes.
-
how come they did not get kicked out as soon as the kid started screaming? In public libraries people tend to get kicked out for noise pollution like that.
-
China called and the want their wall back
-
OP is 12
-
10/10
-
Prepare yourselves Newfomans, you may be witnessing the return of a B.old legend.
-
HE'S BACK!!!!
-
i know what you mean, you just want to yell at them but you can't because they are special and they light fires or something
-
[quote]A few minutes ago I was sitting in the school[/quote] [quote] noise cancelling headset[/quote] [quote]sonic barrier of my headset[/quote] [quote]a lever 3 tantrum[/quote] [quote]swallowed the cube of chalk ; It got lodged in his throat and caused him to gag.[/quote] [quote]They vomited all over the child and on the floor. As people ran into the lounge to find out what the commotion was about, they saw the bile everywhere and vomited as soon as the stench hit their noses. One guy must have had to take a crap, because when he doubled over to vomit, he ended up shitting his pants as well. This of course, cause a more violent chain vomit reaction.[/quote] But where.... is the bel-air?
-
Edited by TehPwnShow: 9/3/2014 2:49:15 AMWhy didn't you seize the opportunity, man? The kid was already on the ground. You should have kept at it till he trully learned his lesson.
-
Good for you. Children like that need to seriously be disciplined and his mother need to learn how to be a good mother.
-
Thank. Yew. Sir
-
You Shoryuken'd that kid into a billiard table? lol...
-
I used to be like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee.
-
-blam!- you man I ain't reading that
-
Edited by Sarah: 9/3/2014 11:07:13 AMI don't want to have a child for the sole reason that our offspring are born without our knowledge. The fact that we're born knowing nothing is terrible. Imagine how rapid our development as a species would be if we were born with the knowledge of our parents. I'm not ready to spend years waiting for a child to learn everything. Eventually offspring will be quick learners.