Below is a short chunk of a Fanfic Im working on. I just want to get some feedback. If you're a fan of the lore.
EDIT: I stayed up all night and worked on some new content for you guys. Let me take a moment though to thanks all of you guys who read my little piece of Destiny lore. I never expected such a positive reaction to my writing. You guys really warmed my heart. Unfortunately the update has too many characters to post here- so I've added a link to a website that has the updated tale in a format that's easier to read. But be sure to review the whole thing again because ive implemented a lot a changes and improvements. Please let me know if anything feels too bloated now. I hope you enjoy what I've added.
Click [url=http://www.wattpad.com/65492718-high-orbit-path-to-a-legand-high-orbit-path-of-a?utm_source=web&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&ref_id=33887937]HERE[/url] to continue the Journey.
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Seems interesting to me... I'd be willing to give it a read when you've got a bit more.
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i cant give it an opion but i could try giving it an oppinion
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What happens next?!
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Opinion*
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Edited by InguinalSlayer2: 8/13/2014 8:44:10 AMSeems fun. Just another typo - cam -> came, first line of the Warlock story at the Sea of Storms. Keep it up OP.
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I like this. Great job.
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Edited by Guardian9447: 8/13/2014 9:46:44 AMRead the first line... then scrolled down to far... '!!!!!!' A.D.D. kicks in... post this.
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If you realy are working for Bungie for God's sack have the Voice of the Traveler read all this out please.
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The story was very well written and surprisingly gripping. Keep 'em cumming.
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Edited by T1junior: 8/13/2014 12:12:01 PMDefinitely gripping and well written. I also liked how you managed to portray the personalities of each character in so few paragraphs. Definitely fits them well, I feel like I already know them. When the warlock says "couldn't have happened at a better time" did you mean "worse"? or was he being sarcastic? also, it should read "visible range: low", but If you were to write - visibility: Poor, then that is the correct form. Otherwise very good definitely keep them coming.
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I can't read this until some paragraphs are added ffs.
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This certainly was a good read, the story is well organised and gripping, hope your already thinking about another one.
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Keep them coming im curious about what happens next
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David Brin would be proud...I am...Thanks...
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A few grammar errors. Some flow issues. Incorrect use of italics. Beyond that, well done. Quite enjoyable. Good use of lore. I'll be following you for further postings. I'll be writing something myself once I complete the campaign. I'm already mapping out my characters and plot.
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[u][b]IT'S AMAZING!!!! THE BEST!!!! MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!! [i]PLEASE[/i]!>?!?@>[/b][/u]
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An enjoyable read, was able to picture it all happening.
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Wouldn't be surprised if you were working for Bungie my friend. Keep it up!
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Nice job man I was able to picture it like a cutscene
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Good job on that. I could imagine it all, and it seemed like something that could really happen in Destiny (cutscenes style thing).
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Where is all the -blam!-ing
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That was fantastic! Well done!
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Needs more sparkling vampires.
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[b]LOVED THIS![/b] can't wait to read the rest, especially to see what the hunter will be like ( assuming an exo hunter? just to wrap up the fire team and have everything represented.) lol ok too excited by this..darn my inner book worm!
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How spectacular. This is, by far, the best Destiny Fan Fiction that I have ever read. I am anticipating a follow-up to this story, as well as to the characters that have been shown. Very well done.
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This is very good, I find many faults in the phrasing of other fanfictions, but this piece is spectacularly written! I might change 'Earth's Moon' to 'Luna' or something similar, just to simplify it a tad, but it may prove more troublesome than it's worth