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originally posted in:TFS The Floods Sanctuary
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Edited by CommanderShepard:
7/26/2013 6:06:17 AM
20
What's the goddamn point anymore
So I'm listening to this shitty dreamwave dreampop whatever the dick you want to call this Faunts group.
And I'm looking at old pictures and messages.
And it makes me want to blow my brains out, or just get so drunk I fall asleep, or run away to somewhere cold, I don't know.
I feel so alone. I look at these old messages, pictures and the people in them. And it's all gone. I miss my friends. I'd do anything to have them back. But time and distance have led them to move on. And yet I haven't. I'm all alone again, like before high school. The only people talking to me are girls who just want to sleep with me.
A few weeks ago I started seriously trying to quit alcohol. But it wasn't really about me. I don't give a damn about myself anymore, drink is an escape. I just wanted to get an old friend of mine who had gone off to college to speak to me. After I told her I didn't believe in god, we fell out of touch. No, I don't think it was coincidence. I hoped if I told her about my problem, that I was trying to clean up, she'd care again. Maybe be proud. She was supportive, for a bit. But fell out of touch again. This weekend I actually drank again, just so I'd have an excuse to talk to her, not because I needed it.
And as I look at these pictures and messages I realize how little I mean to these old friends, and how much they mean to me. I feel so small, now. Like I'm nothing. And I don't see the point anymore. What have I got to look forward to? My favorite band comes to my state in September. And that's it. I have nothing. I'm worth nothing to anyone. Even online I'm just some annoying shitposter. I don't see a point in anything anymore. I need a point. I want something to make life worth it. I don't know why I'm making this thread. What I expect to get out of a gaming forum. But this is really the best I can think of.
Help me?
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2 RepliesThat's life man. Relationships come and go, instead of mourning what was lost you should remember the good times and move on. In the end, nothing we do on this planet matters at all. Regardless of what you do, time will still flow forward, life will still go on. The constituent parts that make up your physical being will eventually decay and be recycled into different forms of life, in a hundred years or so your existence will all but be forgotten. In a million years humanity will most likely not exist anymore. In several billion years the sun will swell to many times the size it is now and consume the Earth, those same molecules that once formed you will be spread out among the cosmos, forming new stars and planets, possible with life of their own. In many trillions of years the amount of useful energy in the Universe will approach zero. And after that nothing but cold, dead space. Nothing you do matters; you have no purpose. This could be depressing, but I see it as liberating. Nothing you do will change shit in the grand scheme of things, so you can do whatever the hell you want. The constraints you find yourself under are nothing, they're simply ideas. You don't have to abide by them;, you don't have to listen to anyone. Do whatever you want to do. Suicide is silly, there is so much for you to experience; for you to learn; for you to do. If you don't like where you are right now, go out and change that. Do something you've never done before. Live!
