TL;DR Well I skimmed through it. You're 18, young, still got a whole life ahead of you blah blah, there's plenty of fish in the ocean, not just your ex. If your relationship requires that much drama, speaking bluntly, it's not gonna work. It's gonna consume your energy, time, and happiness if you keep it like that. Move on. You're thinking too much, asking yourself too many questions, you think she's playing with you, it feels like a game to you- it shouldn't be like that alright? As for any breakup, you'll eventually get over it. Yes love is a drug but this is the wrong kind of drug. Years later you'll look back and you'll shake your head thinking how young and naïve you were. It's not the end of the world. Go out and enjoy life.