9/2/2014 11:55:46 AM PermalinkThis is well written but there are a few things that are off. "Artifact" is one, you spell it artefact. And some places its as simple as saying was instead of way or simple things. Good job though. It kept me reading
4/25/2013 1:50:35 AM PermalinkLots of people look at this and think " hmm to long...skip" but not me. I see there was some pretty interesting visuals on how you would like to see your vast journeys in DESTINY. Pretty good piece. Definitely kept me hooked. Love to see people unlocking their inner imaginations and sharing it to the community.
4/25/2013 1:21:59 AM PermalinkThis is a very nice piece of fan fiction. You are a very good writer and I would love to read more!
[You are not supposed to fully understand everything yet, you only will know what the character knows or remembers. It is as though they are telling you the story as it is happening or you are watching through their eyes.] /start/ /entry-1/ /finder’s-keepers/ /present/ “I can’t breathe.” is the only thought that crosses their mind. The rain and smoke fill their lungs as they try to inhale fresh air. The broken Guardian forces a piece of metal off of their torso and evacuates all foreign matter from their lungs. Coughing and shaking, they stumble to their feet, taking in their surroundings as the put on their helmet with a cracked visor. Their vision is blurry but they make their was through the debris and into the impact site where the rest of their ship burns. The visor flicker occasionally showing glimpses of their HUD until it completely deactivates, leaving them with no Intel or guide. They clutch the side of their ship, trying to support themselves. They remember nothing of how they got here or how any of it happened. Trying to focus on the current situation they look for the one thing that they know is a priority; the artefact. They trot back to the cockpit through the rain and mud until, removing the canopy to see it on the floor. It is in a fitted container with a solitary light on it. They attach it to their lower back and begin to look for anything else they can use. “Res…that’s…order. Come in…anyone…read me…” The Guardian looks around to find the source of this patchy beacon. It’s from a transmission device located a few feet from them. They pick it up and press the respond button. “…” Nothing happens, their voice makes no sound. Instinctively their hand grabs their throat. Within a moment everything begins to move. The responder flies out of the Guardian’s hand and shots are heard from their right. They take cover behind a wing of their ship as shots fly over them. The Guardian reaches for their weapon but quickly realises they have none. They thundering roar of a Cabal can be heard within the gunfire. The lone Guardian rests their back against the broken wing, not accepting death but readying themselves for their coming fate. “Not fate, Destiny.” A voice speaks within their mind. The Guardian’s head snaps up and looks around. Their eyes trail up towards the sky. Above the tree canopy of the nearby forest they see the one true guardian of Earth. The Traveler. They feel something emanate from the artefact as these words are spoken and it feels like the Traveler is magnetically pulling it towards itself. The Guardian jumps to their feet and sprints into the forest. Once in the trees visibility worsens. Only being able to look back for moments at a time, the Guardian is able to see the Cabal pursing at top speed. Luckily they are slower due to their size. The Guardian grins at this, but it is cut off when a shadow moves in the darkness. “Just a klick away.” They think to themself. As they run faster through the flora the shadow moves with them, and then ahead of them. An impact harder than a hammer strike hits the Guardian in their abdomen. Winded and gasping for breath they are lifted off their feet. Fragments of light detail the alien’s face. It says something unintelligible in its own language but them mockingly says something in English, the only word it knows. “Guardian.” Fallen. It sounds inhuman and wrong as it leaves this creatures tongue. It sounds more like a threat or insult than a title. The artefact emulates energy again and even the Fallen feels it. It takes it on looks at it, again saying something the Guardian cannot understand but this time is sounds infuriated. It throws the Guardian to the ground and crushed them with its foot. The Guardian struggles and tried to push off the alien but it is no use. The Fallen then yells into the forest and four more appear. One of them takes off the Guardians helmet and knocks them out in one strike. /28 hours ago/ “We go in quiet, get it, and we’re out.” Whispers Commander Atheros. “Do not shoot anything unless I say so.” “Understood, sir.” Replies the only Warlock on this mission. She is Sargent Amara Cell “Private, are you awake in there?” she hits his helmet and he nods. “Good, we don’t want to lose any Guardians on this run.” /26 hours ago/ “Hey, Private guy. I’m new too, nice to meet you. I’m Trent Fallows.” He extends his hand but the quiet Guardian motions for him to stay vigilant. “Right, sorry.” There is about six seconds of silence before he speaks again. “Do you know anything about this place?” “We only know what they told us. Shut your yap and focus.” Orders Atheros, and with that he did. /24 hours ago/ The team reaches their objective location. “It’s in here somewhere, spread out and find this artefact.” The commander orders the team. “No need, sir,” Cell replies and points towards a faintly glowing item nearby. “That’s it there.” The Commander begins to approach it but the quiet Guardian raises his hand and brings up with weapon. “Hear something private?” the Commander asks through the silenced coms. He nods and all weapons go up. “M-movement, sir.” Stammers Fallows. We all look at him and don’t breathe. “What?” He looks at us. “Oh damn, my coms are quiet…” It dawns on him what is about to happen. “I’m so…sorry.” A blade cloaked in electricity pierces through his torso and he lets out a wail. “Six of them!” Screams Cell. Bullets fly and the Fallen that stabbed Fallows goes down. “Get the damn package, Private.” He dashes to it and picks it up. “Move it!” The three of them run of their ships. “Ah!” Cell gets shot in the leg and the Guardian puts her arm around them. /21 hours ago/ “Got any ammo?” the Commander asks solemnly. The Guardian shakes his head slowly. “Why the hell are you still holding her up, Private?” the Commander snaps, pointing to her head. A single shot went clean through her helmet. “Keep moving…and neither of us stop for the other.” /20 hours ago/ They have both just taken off and are being hounded by twelve enemy fighters. “Make the jump!” the Commander orders through the coms. In a few minutes they are nearing Earth, but so are the other ships. Through his window the Guardian sees the Commander’s ship get his. “Nothing major, son. Keep moving.” “Incoming missiles.” Reports the ship’s onboard flight VI. Three harsh shudders go through the ship as they enter they atmosphere. “Private, are you—” /present/ Water is dripping off of the cave’s celling. In some areas it is pooling on the ground. The only light source is a Fallen’s alien lantern that is powered by something other than fire or electricity. The Guardian is alone. They can hear the hum of advanced alien technology throughout the cave. They have been attached to a dead-end by some strange alien form of shackles. “Breath, Guardian.” They look up in the dim light and nothing is there. “This cannot be your end, there is much in store for you yet.” The voice sounded hollow but alive. They tried to speak again but nothing came out but a staggered breath. “You are Destiny,” The Guardian listened within their mind. And I am Joyeuse.” /end/