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Edited by xXIronSausageXx:
1/24/2013 7:00:35 PM
9
So apparently my grandmother is dying today..
So my mother calls me this morning and says that she will like not make it thru the day. In all the 25 years of my existence I've never got to know the woman. My family is pretty fractured do to in-fighting, people played favorites and such. Likely my grandmother couldn't even point me out in a crowd.. even before the Alzheimer's and dementia kicked in. But why in the -blam!- am I feeling so shitty right now?
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Thanks to everyone that commented. Your advice is helping me put everything into perspective. Again thanks.
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1 ReplyEdited by Malfar: 1/24/2013 7:38:04 PM[quote]..But why in the -blam!- am I feeling so shitty right now?[/quote] It is always tough to lose a loved one, but some advice from a cold, black hearted person, the reason you feel so shitty is because your coming to realize your own mortality. The best advice I have is to celebrate your grandmother's life, ask people what they liked best about her, that way you'll get to know her as people saw her, and it should help.
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1 Reply[quote]But why in the -blam!- am I feeling so shitty right now?[/quote] Because it is family. When we grieve (each in our own way) we are not so much sad for the person who died, but are feeling empathy and sadness for the people who are affected by the loss (us, our family, and so on). Even if you actually hated her, you would still probably feel emapthy and sympathy for those who didn't hate her and are feeling sorrow over their loss. Death in the family is as complex as the family itself, sometimes more so. As you said, your family is complicated, and so when there is a loss, the feelings and interactions are also very complicated.
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You have a connection with her none the less. You have two things you're feeling shitty for. That you didn't get to know her. And that shes dying.
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Just because you don't really know or you aren't very close to the person who's dying, doesn't mean you can't be sad or upset. People have their own ways of dealing with situations like these.
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It's a normal reaction. Don't feel bad. Nobody LIKES to lose a family member, even one suffering from Alzheimer's and who doesn't remember you. It's a normal part of the grieving process; let it come and it will go away eventually.
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Maybe you feel crappy for never forming a relationship with someone who you should probably be closer with. And it is hard anytime anyone dies.
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I feel your pain. I never met any of my grandmothers and they're gone now.
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Sorry to hear your grandmother is dying. And it's normal to feel sad when you find out a family member doesn't have that much time left...
