I just got my first love letter in a while - and as usual it was delivered to me via a 'friend'. To quote the letter: [quote]My name is Jennifer, I hope you know. [well, I do now - whoever you are] I just wanted to tell you I'm madly in love with you. I miss you so much [miss? I don't even know her], I can't live without you. So I gave this note to my friends to give to you... [then, in large, bold letters] I [heart] U!! Love, Jennifer P.S. - If you wanna get to know me better, call me at ***-****, but if you don't like me don't call. [/quote] Ah. Teenage love. Such a precious thing. Now here's where the flood comes in - I would like to hold a little brainstorming session to figure out how to most humorously respond to this girl. Anything goes, so long as it's legal. My first idea: Write a "fill-in-the-blank" official return letter from my "Public Representative" in type. Make it seem long and legal, such as that "he recognizes your interest. If you intend to proceed further please resubmit a resume complete with photo ID, measurements, your interests, goals, and any previous references you may have." Have everything in type except her name, and her place "in line" - which is hand-written in. Any other ideas welcome.