I have to agree with envy. My post didn't convey how pervasive the grammar issues were because I do not have time to run down every sentence. Seriously, nearly every sentence needs to be fixed in some way, for punctuation, awkwardness, or poor word choice. Someone who is currently banned said that he thought I was nitpicking. That is true. So now I will address broader issues, while trying to avoid saying things like "You need to rewrite this entire plotline". Because even if that's what I more or less think because I have a cold, black heart, it's not very helpful. Wolves don't have names. They're wolves. They're not cute, they're vicious predators. Calling it Kiki is incomprehensible. Why Kiki? Why the puppies' names? Kalo? What? Why does it even have to have a name? It's only ever talking about one wolf, it's not like they talk to each other. It can just be the wolf and her puppies. How did she get so lost after she was shot? I'm assuming she was shot, although it's not very clear and the people lack a motive. The ending is not only cloying (wolves don't know "shake"), it is not an ending. There's no closure on the puppies, or the pack, or even Kiki. She just thinks about them and performs a stupid pet trick. Then it's over, for all we know the kids' father came back and shot her right after. Bah, that's it, I need to go to bed. Oh, and Lone Wolf is a really cliche title that you should change. It probably doesn't even really work, since a large part of the story is about the puppies too. Just because Kiki is currently alone doesn't make her a lone wolf. But that could be 4am talking. Even still, you should change the title. Common phrases don't make for interesting titles. [Edited on 02.08.2008 12:55 AM PST]