[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] commander tempu [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Wolverfrog [quote]youngling[/quote] ... why would you willingly quote the Star Wars prequels? WHY? Other than that abhorrence, not bad; a decent starting point. Try and stick at it, you'll improve. Don't just ditch it because people aren't reading - that shouldn't be why you're writing. I'd try and make your writing feel a little more alive. At the risk of breaking out a cliche, 'show, don't tell.' Good luck anyway. Try and call them 'children' next time.[/quote] Authors Note:Not the same context. Youngling sounds more original. No i did not really rip off Star Wars. Children seems forced on such a race. Youngling: Child or youngster who has not reached a mature age. That i will not change. Elites are very Samurai like. Thus giving them a more violent outlook. It does not relate to Star Wars. They are much different from a Temple full of force wielding children. Who are rare in a Universe full of billions of people races or cultures. Thank you for the comment but i feel its more reader Assosation with words.[/quote] A Samurai does not compare to a Sangheili.