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8/19/2012 11:38:18 PM
303
Why do parents inherently deserve respect?(edited with responses)
After seeing a thread today i have pondered this as i have been for over a decade.
I don't understand why parents are entitled to get instant respect just for the sheer fact they are parents. You are raised saying "respect is given and earned" yet when it comes to parents most people assume it should automatically be given.
I am only sharing this for the sake of the thread and i am not intending to blog with this; I don't have the best parents and that is a gross understatement. They only care for themselves,what is best for themselves and hardly put my sister and i first as the "ideal parents" should/do. My father hasn't done a single thing for me his entire life and makes no effort while my mother just lives her life.
I suspect this is because of having children at a young age and they never got to actually "live" so they were trying to raise children while enjoying themselves.
Now I am not some spoiled kid that whines about everything. I don't ask for anything so my sister can get "what she needs" and of course she is spoiled. I bought my own car, pay for my own gas and insurance, Make dinner at home if not i eat out, i bought everything in my room and majority of my cloths. I could go on but I pretty much do everything for myself and have the money to move out when i get done with school in a few months.
Again, i could list all the things i do around the house blah blah. I do my part and so forth and because of such i have no reason to inherently respect my parents seeing as "i am my own parent" and have been self sufficient for nearly the last decade.
I feel like the parents worth respecting are the ones that go above and beyond for their kids and don't try throwing anything in their faces because "i am your parent". I didn't ask to be born and nor did anyone else. Does that mean they should be respectful and ungrateful even when their parents are? no, but at the same time i don't see the need or reason for having some undying respect for your parents just because they are.
I'll be expecting long rants (mostly from parents). The point i wanted to get across is that the respect should be earned both ways not inherently.
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] raganok99
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Scottus4
They don't inherently deserve respect. One doesn't respect doing the bare minimum for anything else, why would someone respect a parent that beats them or neglects them, even if they allowed them to live in their house with them and fed them (which are required by law, not feeding your kid is child abuse).
They only deserve respect if they really put in the effort to shape a young person into a mentally and socially stable and productive member of society. [/quote]
Kids, this is what he is talking and it matches what OP (Grey101) said.
In fact, parents do not inherently deserve respect because they have bare minimum for anything else.
They have to earn the respect by focusing its effort to their off spring to be mentally, socially stable and becoming productive member of society. If they didn't do that, then they do not deserve respect. [/quote]
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] QuestVibes
No, not inherently. They earn it by providing for you and being good parents.[/quote]
That is what i needed to see, thank you.
[Edited on 08.20.2012 2:55 AM PDT]
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I believe in respecting my parents as a rule, not parents in general. Parents in general are people, individuals that will be respected depending on how they are as individuals. My parents (specifically my mother, and then my stepfather) devoted themselves to their children, and made many harsh choices in their lives for the sake of their children. Regardless of the fact that I can only understand the "why" of it as an adult, that doesn't mean they didn't (and don't) deserve my respect.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Municipal Bonds [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 I probably made the mistake of not explaining that i am using respect in the sense of admiration or aspiration.[/quote] They aren't really synonyms. If you asked the Flood how many admire their parents or aspire to be like them, you would have gotten much different responses.[/quote] I just think my interpretation of respect is different and i am failing to find the correct word for what i am tying to convey.
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I'll elaborate. Parents inherently deserve respect for raising a child. If they utterly fail at raising a child (decide to leave the child, neglect the child, etc.) then they lose their entitlement. However, I'd say that paying for rent and groceries and not beating the child qualifies as an 'acceptable' parent. No parent is perfect, and you shouldn't expect them to be. OP, perhaps you are one of those unfortunate cases where your parents legitimately don't give a -blam!- about you, and while I highly doubt that, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Most floodians that complain about their parents though, are angsty teens who are mad because their parents yelled at them and took away their phone or something.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Municipal Bonds [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 When your parents give you play money every week and by some random thing you won't use in two months;[b]those[/b] are the things that should be thanked for since there aren't required. Actually raising your kid is such a basic standard.[/quote] So gifts earn respect? LOL[/quote] You didn't get the point. Doing things that don't need to be done should merit more respect than doing the extreme basics and expecting undying loyalty.
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I think it's a mixture of vanity and hypocrisy. That sounds a bit negative, so I will elaborate; You came from your parent's genitalia; you are their descendants. If you had a kid right now, it's kind of natural for you to expect him to give you respect and courtesy. That's moderately fair, from the parent's perspective. If you're a babysitter, you'd expect the children to respect you regardless of any situation. I'm not a parent, and I feel like I deal with the same issues; parents demand my respect, but they don't respect me or my decisions. It's not fair, it's very vain of them and very hypocritical. But there's not much you can do, because it depends on what kind of person your parent(s) is. If they were very snobbish as a kid, and always felt entitled to everything, then they'll feel entitled to your respect and will demand it. Humble people turn into parents that offer respect to their children as their children return it.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 I probably made the mistake of not explaining that i am using respect in the sense of admiration or aspiration.[/quote] They aren't really synonyms. If you asked the Flood how many admire their parents or aspire to be like them, you would have gotten much different responses.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Addison Stone I read the first two lines or so. The fact that they've fed you, clothed you, taken care of you, and otherwise kept you alive long enough for those thoughts to start popping up in your head shows they've earned some respect.[/quote]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] ninjakenzen Why is having no respect for people the "cool" thing with you guys here in the flood? Each person has a different level of respect. You treat people with no respect and they are more than inclined to treat you the same way. Even if they are douches not worth your respect. Being your parent and standing by you, for example, living in the house, getting fed, pouring their time into you. Deserves some respect. You're just being selfish if you have no respect for your parents. Unless they have done something that is entirely their bads and have put you in jeopardy [Whether it be physical harm or severe psychological trauma or never being there] The intentions are important as well, if they intend to harm you for example. It is subjective in the most part to how you view this area. You're being incredibly naive and selfish to have no respect. It would be my fault personally if my kid had no respect for me but at the same time I can't make him/her have respect for me, I can only try. I actually have bad parents and I still have some form of respect for them. For making me what I am today. All you kids and even adults at the flood acting like your parents should not inherently deserve your respect just don't understand how the concept of respect works or even how being in a [u][b]family[/b][/u] works. Which is probably for some, if not most of you, why in real life people don't give you enough respect.[/quote] did you even read the topic post? I don't have respect for my parents but i don't mouth off about it as that is a personal opinion that i don't go around talking about. I can tell you didn't read the OP because my parents don't stand by me,pour time into me, I cook and get the food most of the time, and living here has been optional for years now I could have left at 12 but though of it as stupid and my mother didn't want me to. I am not being How in the would is it "selfish" if i don't respect my parents and don't ask them for a single thing? You don't know a fraction of my situation so i suggest you stop generalizing me as a spoiled brat. Did i mention I only live with my mom and hardly talk to my dad? no i did not. I probably made the mistake of not explaining that i am using respect in the sense of admiration or aspiration.
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They fed you, clothed you, changed you, raised you, taught you some values, sent you to school, among other things. They deserve your respect.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 When your parents give you play money every week and by some random thing you won't use in two months;[b]those[/b] are the things that should be thanked for since there aren't required. Actually raising your kid is such a basic standard.[/quote] So gifts earn respect? LOL
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] sims3k [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 As i said in the other thread, you don't owe the for the roof over your head or the food on the table. these are things they took on as parents when they decided to have children I respect my parents for their love and support. also because they respect me. But i should not be expected to inherently respect them for things that, by definition, they have to do as parents. [/quote] ehh no mate. You do owe them for the roof over your head and the meal on your table or the clothes on your back. You also owe them for the education you got in school. They werent obligated to do all that, they chose to do all that.[/quote] So humans are obligated to raise their children? you do understand the massive evolutionary backlash that is right? so Human parenting isn't any better than fish. That is horrible and no you do not owe your parents for doing the things expected of them [b]as parents[/b]. When your parents give you play money every week and by some random thing you won't use in two months;[b]those[/b] are the things that should be thanked for since there aren't required. Actually raising your kid is such a basic standard.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 But I do not respect them because the chose to teach. [/quote] No one here is saying to respect parents simply because they are parents - it has caveats. The topic states "inherently" but everyone here has stated that this is predicated on providing a normal lifestyle and love for their child. It is a teacher's responsiblity to provide a safe and condusive environment to learning. It is a teacher's reponsibility to care for his/her students. That isn't above and beyond the job description - but I still respect a teacher for doing so. Thus: It is a parent's reponsibility to provide a safe and healthy environment for their children at home. It is a parent's responsibility to care for his/her children. That isn't above and beyond the job description - but I still respect a parent for doing so. [Edited on 08.20.2012 6:38 AM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Municipal Bonds [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Municipal Bonds [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 the food and shelter are expected as parents.[/quote] Definition: Entitlement. You feel that as a child, you are entitled to food, shelter, clothing, and an apparent internet connection since you are posting here. The expectation or normalcy of receiving certain things does not devalue it.[/quote] Now your grabbing at straws. Are you saying part of parental duties isn't feeding a kid... its just an extra thing? [/quote] What you aren't getting is why does a "duty" or "expectation" not deserve respect? A member of our military has the duty to defend our country - does that mean him doing so deserves no respect if he does so? A teacher has the duty to teach children - does that make him doing so not worthy of respect? Just because something is part of a job description doesn't mean that the actions do not deserve respect.[/quote] Bringing up military, interesting trap, Inb4someonecallsmeunpatriotic. Along the lines of a teacher. I respect a teacher for how they treat their students, How they conduct themselves, and all the above and beyonds.. But I do not respect them because the chose to teach. Do you respect a watch maker for making watches, a cook for cooking, or a plumber for installing pipes. Its all about the delivery... The person and who they are not what they do. [Edited on 08.20.2012 6:31 AM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Municipal Bonds [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 the food and shelter are expected as parents.[/quote] Definition: Entitlement. You feel that as a child, you are entitled to food, shelter, clothing, and an apparent internet connection since you are posting here. The expectation or normalcy of receiving certain things does not devalue it.[/quote] Now your grabbing at straws. Are you saying part of parental duties isn't feeding a kid... its just an extra thing? [/quote] What you aren't getting is why does a "duty" or "expectation" not deserve respect? A member of our military has the duty to defend our country - does that mean him doing so deserves no respect if he "simply does his job"? A teacher has the duty to teach children - does that make him doing so not worthy of respect? Just because something is part of a job description doesn't mean that the actions do not deserve respect. [Edited on 08.20.2012 6:27 AM PDT]
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Don't treat my parents like crap? GET FLUSHED.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Municipal Bonds [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 the food and shelter are expected as parents.[/quote] Definition: Entitlement. You feel that as a child, you are entitled to food, shelter, clothing, and an apparent internet connection since you are posting here. The expectation or normalcy of receiving certain things does not devalue it.[/quote] Now your grabbing at straws. Are you saying part of parental duties isn't feeding a kid... its just an extra thing? [Edited on 08.20.2012 6:21 AM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Municipal Bonds [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 the food and shelter are expected as parents.[/quote] Definition: Entitlement. You feel that as a child, you are entitled to food, shelter, clothing, and an apparent internet connection since you are posting here. The expectation or normalcy of receiving certain things does not devalue it.[/quote] I definitely agree with this. You can challenge your parents on things if you don't believe what they're telling you to do is right, because that's just an important part of becoming an autonomous adult; but if your parents give you food, shelter and a modicum of love and care, then you should at least give them the time to listen to what they're saying, and not treat them like crap.
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Well, I'd say that most parents deserve respect; it really depends on the parents in question. If your parents are drug-addicts who do nothing to try and care for you and have no redeeming features, then yeah, maybe they don't deserve respect. Same if they abuse you, or hurt each other or have done something unpardonable to you. But most parents aren't like that; even though you'll disagree, and they won't always be right about things, most parents are doing the best they can to raise you, and you should at least try to see where they're coming from, because most of the time your parents have a reason to tell you to do things.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] sims3k [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] culexus I don't respect anyone without them earning it from me. This includes parents. No-one is given inherent respect unless it is earned inherently by a great feat or something similar.[/quote] >implying giving you life, food, shelter, education out of generosity isnt a great feat. Spoilt brats the lot of you. dont reproduce. dont adopt. Any children you raise will never respect you.[/quote] the life was never asked for. the food and shelter are expected as parents. Also your assumptions continue to amaze... how would you know the poster is spoiled? define "spoiled'? everyone has a different definition. [/quote] Thinking food and shelter are expected of a parent and so isnt something worthy of respect is my reasoning for calling you all spoilt. heres a similar but different scenario: An employee sees that his boss acts fair and non-discriminatory in the workplace. Thats his job and he should act that way, but the employee still respects him because the employer is doing his job well. Likewise the employer sees his employees are doing their jobs at a satisfactorily level. He respects them for doing what theyre told. Both scenarios people are doing what is expected of them, and are respected for doing so. this is how the world works. Respect isnt reserved solely for going above and beyond. Thats where admiration comes into play.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 the food and shelter are expected as parents.[/quote] Definition: Entitlement. You feel that as a child, you are entitled to food, shelter, clothing, and an apparent internet connection since you are posting here. The expectation or normalcy of receiving certain things does not devalue it.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] sims3k [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] culexus I don't respect anyone without them earning it from me. This includes parents. No-one is given inherent respect unless it is earned inherently by a great feat or something similar.[/quote] >implying giving you life, food, shelter, education out of generosity isnt a great feat. Spoilt brats the lot of you. dont reproduce. dont adopt. Any children you raise will never respect you.[/quote] the life was never asked for. the food and shelter are expected as parents. Also your assumptions continue to amaze... how would you know the poster is spoiled? define "spoiled'? everyone has a different definition. [Edited on 08.20.2012 6:06 AM PDT]
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ITT: What is wrong with the current generation. If your parents have looked after you, fed you, clothed you, housed you and have done all the other things that are incidental to being a parent then they deserve your respect and gratitude. Anyone who says "But that's what parents have to do" is just showing how naive they are and how they don't understand the real world at all. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have parents that look after them well or even give a -blam!- about them. [Edited on 08.20.2012 6:05 AM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] culexus I don't respect anyone without them earning it from me. This includes parents. No-one is given inherent respect unless it is earned inherently by a great feat or something similar.[/quote] >implying giving you life, food, shelter, education out of generosity isnt a great feat. Spoilt brats the lot of you. dont reproduce. dont adopt. Any children you raise will never respect you. [Edited on 08.20.2012 6:03 AM PDT]
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I don't respect anyone without them earning it from me. This includes parents. No-one is given inherent respect unless it is earned inherently by a great feat or something similar.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Municipal Bonds [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 grow up please. [/quote] Odd how it seems everyone is telling you do to this. Perhaps when you are in the extreme minority trying to defend an indefensible position, you need to take a step back and look at why you are wrong.[/quote] that's just it. I am not wrong. The position is easily dependable. I'm defending it right now. You have simply been raised in a manner that makes my argument impossible for you to agree with. Which is fine. [Edited on 08.20.2012 5:59 AM PDT]
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By default parents deserve a certain amount of respect as payment for your living in their house and eating their food. Suggesting that such respect is uncalled for because the shelter and nourishment is required by law is suggesting written law is directly related to respect. It's child-abuse according to the law, but naturally there is no such thing. Child-abuse is a breach of a legally enforced social contract, not a deviation from the assumed natural instinct to provide nothing but the best for offspring. This respect [i]according to the law[/i] is a misconception. For an extreme example; It is against the law to kill people, but there are many cases in which people deserve to be killed,, such as rapists and murderers, and those who might kill these sort of people (Batman for example) earn respect from people, despite breaking the law. This [i]bare minimum[/i] that you're referring to is the bare minimum according to the law. Parents could just abandon children, just like wild animals do in many cases. They could just throw children in the dumpster, which is not unheard of. [b]Why do parents inherently deserve respect?[/b] Because even if they made a stupid mistake by having children too early, they at least are in the process of finishing the job. This effort is not totally unworthy of respect. It is not a meritorious achievement to simply ensure your child survives and the standards of life to which it lives are meeting minimum requirements set by law, but those standards do require 18 years of actual work to be met. The other end of this argument is [i]how much respect do children deserve?[/i] which I do not have time to address.
