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8/19/2012 11:38:18 PM
303
Why do parents inherently deserve respect?(edited with responses)
After seeing a thread today i have pondered this as i have been for over a decade.
I don't understand why parents are entitled to get instant respect just for the sheer fact they are parents. You are raised saying "respect is given and earned" yet when it comes to parents most people assume it should automatically be given.
I am only sharing this for the sake of the thread and i am not intending to blog with this; I don't have the best parents and that is a gross understatement. They only care for themselves,what is best for themselves and hardly put my sister and i first as the "ideal parents" should/do. My father hasn't done a single thing for me his entire life and makes no effort while my mother just lives her life.
I suspect this is because of having children at a young age and they never got to actually "live" so they were trying to raise children while enjoying themselves.
Now I am not some spoiled kid that whines about everything. I don't ask for anything so my sister can get "what she needs" and of course she is spoiled. I bought my own car, pay for my own gas and insurance, Make dinner at home if not i eat out, i bought everything in my room and majority of my cloths. I could go on but I pretty much do everything for myself and have the money to move out when i get done with school in a few months.
Again, i could list all the things i do around the house blah blah. I do my part and so forth and because of such i have no reason to inherently respect my parents seeing as "i am my own parent" and have been self sufficient for nearly the last decade.
I feel like the parents worth respecting are the ones that go above and beyond for their kids and don't try throwing anything in their faces because "i am your parent". I didn't ask to be born and nor did anyone else. Does that mean they should be respectful and ungrateful even when their parents are? no, but at the same time i don't see the need or reason for having some undying respect for your parents just because they are.
I'll be expecting long rants (mostly from parents). The point i wanted to get across is that the respect should be earned both ways not inherently.
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] raganok99
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Scottus4
They don't inherently deserve respect. One doesn't respect doing the bare minimum for anything else, why would someone respect a parent that beats them or neglects them, even if they allowed them to live in their house with them and fed them (which are required by law, not feeding your kid is child abuse).
They only deserve respect if they really put in the effort to shape a young person into a mentally and socially stable and productive member of society. [/quote]
Kids, this is what he is talking and it matches what OP (Grey101) said.
In fact, parents do not inherently deserve respect because they have bare minimum for anything else.
They have to earn the respect by focusing its effort to their off spring to be mentally, socially stable and becoming productive member of society. If they didn't do that, then they do not deserve respect. [/quote]
[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] QuestVibes
No, not inherently. They earn it by providing for you and being good parents.[/quote]
That is what i needed to see, thank you.
[Edited on 08.20.2012 2:55 AM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Durable Sausage Because half of both of their genes are in you.[/quote] Why should that matter? Every atom in my body is the product of food and air. Should I respect food and air? If I was created by a mad scientist who wanted me to cause evil and suffering, should I respect the mad scientist simply because he constitutes my origin? I don't think so.
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They do not. Not in my opinion, anyway. Your family bare no leverage over yourself, and to think otherwise could be considered unethical. The only reason one automatically respects the mother and father is primordial, and I'd much rather cast aside any natures of mine that I see fit. Obviously this is a controversial claim, and I'm sure most people will have a problem with it, but frankly I can see no reason to 'respect thy father', no rational reason, unless thy father happened to be a good person. If my father was immoral, it would be moral of me to disrespect him. No archaic principle without any real premise is going to stop me from thinking this.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] chubbz [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 @chubbz he isn't contributing nor are you if you prefer to talk about this instead of the OP.[/quote] I don't really care. From what it sounds like, you didn't get to hear what you wanted from everyone, so now you're being selective about who you choose to discuss the OP with, and are now self-policing your own thread, threatening to report the posts that you aren't agreeing with. Even if I did want to discuss the OP with you, I wouldn't, because I've seen more than I need in this thread to show me that you're an entitled, selfish crybaby. [/quote] You are so far off base that its hilarious, You know nothing about the op's situation beyond what he has told you and something tells me its worse than what he has said. I understand op, I'm one of the few people that understand what your saying. The rest were simply raised in a matter that makes it impossible to see where you coming from. [/quote] Thanks for actually seeing that and staying on topic.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Primo84 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 For the record everything is subjective[/quote]Nope [quote]I had to learn how to write by myself[/quote]And look how that turned out. [quote]Friends taught me how to ride a bike[/quote]What an accomplishment! [quote]Learned how to fish by myself/friends[/quote]Again, character building foundations of adulthood that you'll benefit from for your entire life! [quote]Learned to shave by myself[/quote]So did I. [quote]Learned to drive by myself[/quote]That's illegal. [quote]How to manage money and pay bills/ observation[/quote]Don't you still live with your parents? I can't imagine you pulling a mortgage or paying the utilities. Your car expenses, sure, but you're not really alone in that regard. Plenty of parents make their kids pay for their car expenses. It teaches them how to be responsible and handle bills/money. (See what I did there?) [quote]Anything that was broken in the house or elsewhere i had to figure out how to fix it since i would never be taught or helped.[/quote]Well aren't you the little handyman? [quote]I can't honestly think of a single thing that either parent actually tried teaching me. obviously they taught me how to read but other than that they seriously haven't done anything in that department.[/quote]Well, I can plainly see one department where your parents are lacking. Also, you still didn't answer my questions; please don't make me repost them. [/quote] Yes it is and your arrogance seriously annoys me. Do you know what college i go to primo? Do you know what i have to do at college? Do you know how many times people have nearly gotten killed at my college? So until you actually have knowledge on those subjects i suggest you stop acting like you know everything with no basis. With a pencil and pen not typing which i do at my convinced. My English papers normally get saved by my teachers because i can write rather well when i have to or feel like i should, which i don't here and purposely don't with you. The points were posted because those are experiences you generally have with [b]parents[/b]. Seeing as you don't know exactly how i learned to drive you can't say it is illegal. I still live with one parents and what? I don't see why me paying bills is unimaginable since it isn't like i haven't stepped up and payed a few when she couldn't. Again that is subjective primo since in my area the parents generally cover that stuff so the child can save up money to move out. I love how you always have to be sarcastic or insult me with every conversation we have yet i hardly do those to you until i start getting annoyed. It would be nice if you could just PM me those comments or just stop posting them since they aren't called for whatsoever. Re-post your question Primo since i never seem to understand anything you ever try to say to me.
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[up until the age / responsibility required that you can provide any of this on your own...] The clothes on your back The food on your table The trinkets and tools in your room Your room The paperwork and other administrative duties in getting you properly enrolled in school and any other extracurriculars Even terrible parents can get the necessities down. [Edited on 08.20.2012 2:29 PM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] ABotelho [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] ninjakenzen[/quote] I respect my parents immensely, especially my dad. My mother has done some rather questionable things. But I respect them both. They've given me a lot. But I think the point of this thread is less about that. It's more about the idea that parents shouldn't [i]automatically[/i] get your respect for being your parents. Most teenagers at some point or another will take their parents for granted. For the parents to know this and trudge on right up til the point where the kids realize the parents deserve respect is what a good parent does. Parents need to know that most children will end up "hating" them at some point. I think what a lot of people don't realize here is that respect isn't binary. There are different levels of respect.[/quote] That's a fair point. Respect isn't black and white and much like trust, it can be built and can be subject to change at any time. Honestly OP. I can somewhat relate to your position. I don't want to get in depth on a public access site about my private life, but lousy parents are aplenty. I don't live with either of my parents and both of them can be considered selfish for the actions they chose in regards to me. But it's not a competition on who had the worst upbringing in order to justify and validate their comments. On one hand you are right OP, in a sense, from a cold robotic logical viewpoint, from birth you don't [i]have[/i] to respect your parents just because they're your parents. But at the same time, this stems on to the bigger issue, growing up and being aware of what respect is. However your question is ultimately flawed, because nobody learns or gives respect inherently. It is a concept that comes with being part of a collective, a society, a family or by interaction. But how you choose to give out and deal with respect is a choice, I hope for your sake, OP much like others, you make the right ones. [Edited on 08.20.2012 2:34 PM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] DatDudeBV [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] DatDudeBV As soon as your child finds out there is no REAL discipline( Getting hit, getting no dinner, ect). Hes going to walk all over you. "Hey I might as well go to this party, because whats the worst that would happen" "Ill get grounded? Who cares?" And thus is why not many children these days dont RESPECT their parents.[/quote] Like I said I would gladly debate that with you in its own thread but I think it's a little far off topic for the op. I however received no form of physical abuse and im perfectly fine, I listen to may parents and do what they ask just like any kid is expected to. Without the need for any hitting, or spanking. [/quote] You're just a submissive person then. Just because it worked for you doesnt mean it would work for 90% of other kids. [/quote] Not sure how you made that jump... I'm far from go with the flow submissive. It's not important any way. I'm guna leave this thread and just let it die. I said most of what i needed to on page 4-7 earlier today. i should leave before it gets me in any more trouble.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] DatDudeBV As soon as your child finds out there is no REAL discipline( Getting hit, getting no dinner, ect). Hes going to walk all over you. "Hey I might as well go to this party, because whats the worst that would happen" "Ill get grounded? Who cares?" And thus is why not many children these days dont RESPECT their parents.[/quote] Like I said I would gladly debate that with you in its own thread but I think it's a little far off topic for the op. I however received no form of physical abuse and im perfectly fine, I listen to may parents and do what they ask just like any kid is expected to. Without the need for any hitting, or spanking. [/quote] You're just a submissive person then. Just because it worked for you doesnt mean it would work for 90% of other kids.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] DatDudeBV As soon as your child finds out there is no REAL discipline( Getting hit, getting no dinner, ect). Hes going to walk all over you. "Hey I might as well go to this party, because whats the worst that would happen" "Ill get grounded? Who cares?" And thus is why not many children these days dont RESPECT their parents.[/quote] Like I said I would gladly debate that with you in its own thread but I think it's a little far off topic for the op. I however received no form of physical abuse and im perfectly fine, I listen to may parents and do what they ask just like any kid is expected to. Without the need for any hitting, or spanking.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] chubbz [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 @chubbz he isn't contributing nor are you if you prefer to talk about this instead of the OP.[/quote] I don't really care. From what it sounds like, you didn't get to hear what you wanted from everyone, so now you're being selective about who you choose to discuss the OP with, and are now self-policing your own thread, threatening to report the posts that you aren't agreeing with. Even if I did want to discuss the OP with you, I wouldn't, because I've seen more than I need in this thread to show me that you're an entitled, selfish crybaby. [/quote] You are so far off base that its hilarious, You know nothing about the op's situation beyond what he has told you and something tells me its worse than what he has said. I understand op, I'm one of the few people that understand what your saying. The rest were simply raised in a matter that makes it impossible to see where you coming from. [/quote] And when he plays pick-and-choose with what he decides to give out, he shouldn't be upset when people don't want to bother discussing this with him. He wants to have a normal discussion about what he thinks but isn't giving anyone here enough to go by, and when what he does say is picked apart, he threatens to report people for 'not contributing', or doesn't acknowledge any points anyone else makes. I've been down this road with Grey before, this is SOP for him. But I'm the one off-base. Okay.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] CP0 Fraser Because they've already learned every lesson you're going to learn while growing up. [/quote] Lol, that so does not apply to my parents since i am the one teaching them the errors of their ways not to mention i learned from the mistakes they made raising me. Not from long walks or table talks.[/quote] You may love believing your parents are two dimensional beings with no thought process and no grasp on reality but the fact is they think and feel the exact same way as you.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Municipal Bonds [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 double digets as to why it isn't really the best discplen tactic.[/quote] Dayum son. You just reverted to kindergarten spelling due to jimmy rustling.[/quote] See this is a perfect example of something that adds 0 to the thread. please just discuss the topic with us instead of continuing to play spelling cop[/quote] Why would I try to have a discussion with someone who just slams their head into the wall repeating the same thing over and over? You're obviously not open to a change of opinion and your first posts in the thread are derogatory to people who disagree with you. I might as well debate the politics of green energy with a garden mole. [Edited on 08.20.2012 1:31 PM PDT]
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As soon as your child finds out there is no REAL discipline( Getting hit, getting no dinner, ect). Hes going to walk all over you. "Hey I might as well go to this party, because whats the worst that would happen" "Ill get grounded? Who cares?" And thus is why not many children these days dont RESPECT their parents.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Municipal Bonds [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 double digets as to why it isn't really the best discplen tactic.[/quote] Dayum son. You just reverted to kindergarten spelling due to jimmy rustling.[/quote] See this is a perfect example of something that adds 0 to the thread. please just discuss the topic with us instead of continuing to play spelling cop
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] ninjakenzen[/quote] I respect my parents immensely, especially my dad. My mother has done some rather questionable things. But I respect them both. They've given me a lot. But I think the point of this thread is less about that. It's more about the idea that parents shouldn't [i]automatically[/i] get your respect for being your parents. Most teenagers at some point or another will take their parents for granted. For the parents to know this and trudge on right up til the point where the kids realize the parents deserve respect is what a good parent does. Parents need to know that most children will end up "hating" them at some point. I think what a lot of people don't realize here is that respect isn't binary. There are different levels of respect.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 double digets as to why it isn't really the best discplen tactic.[/quote] Dayum son. You just reverted to kindergarten spelling due to jimmy rustling. [Edited on 08.20.2012 1:24 PM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] x Foman123 x [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 Confimed you are a PSU alt. If you believe that hitting children is the answer to anything then their is something mental wrong with you. I think most people that do it just do it because it gives them a sense of power/ It's stupid and its sick. [/quote]Play nice. The notion of physically punishing your kids is thousands of years old and practiced in every culture in the world. Calling people stupid and sick for doing it is not just ignorant but offensive. If you disagree with the practice, state your reasons why and show some respect. Also, stop insulting other users, and that goes for everybody.[/quote] Appologies Foman Simply because something has been practiced for a few thousand years does not make it the right thing. I could easily give a few hundred reasons why its bad and list studies as to why it isn't really the best discipline tactic. But that would be off topic. I just tend to get a bit agressive in these kinds of threads. Sorry. [Edited on 08.20.2012 1:27 PM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] chubbz [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 @chubbz he isn't contributing nor are you if you prefer to talk about this instead of the OP.[/quote] I don't really care. From what it sounds like, you didn't get to hear what you wanted from everyone, so now you're being selective about who you choose to discuss the OP with, and are now self-policing your own thread, threatening to report the posts that you aren't agreeing with. Even if I did want to discuss the OP with you, I wouldn't, because I've seen more than I need in this thread to show me that you're an entitled, selfish crybaby. [/quote] You are so far off base that its hilarious, You know nothing about the op's situation beyond what he has told you and something tells me its worse than what he has said. I understand op, I'm one of the few people that understand what your saying. The rest were simply raised in a matter that makes it impossible to see where you coming from.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 For the record everything is subjective[/quote]Nope [quote]I had to learn how to write by myself[/quote]And look how that turned out. [quote]Friends taught me how to ride a bike[/quote]What an accomplishment! [quote]Learned how to fish by myself/friends[/quote]Again, character building foundations of adulthood that you'll benefit from for your entire life! [quote]Learned to shave by myself[/quote]So did I. [quote]Learned to drive by myself[/quote]That's illegal. [quote]How to manage money and pay bills/ observation[/quote]Don't you still live with your parents? I can't imagine you pulling a mortgage or paying the utilities. Your car expenses, sure, but you're not really alone in that regard. Plenty of parents make their kids pay for their car expenses. It teaches them how to be responsible and handle bills/money. (See what I did there?) [quote]Anything that was broken in the house or elsewhere i had to figure out how to fix it since i would never be taught or helped.[/quote]Well aren't you the little handyman? [quote]I can't honestly think of a single thing that either parent actually tried teaching me. obviously they taught me how to read but other than that they seriously haven't done anything in that department.[/quote]Well, I can plainly see one department where your parents are lacking. Also, you still didn't answer my questions; please don't make me repost them. [Edited on 08.20.2012 1:19 PM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 If you believe that hitting children is the answer to anything then their is something mental wrong with you. I think most people that do it just do it because it gives them a sense of power/ It's stupid and its sick. [/quote] Idk man. I was hit. And I turned out pretty well. And Im not talking about beating the kids ass. Im talking about a smack on the ass or head. No big deal. Take a chill pill.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] shadow 2648 Confimed you are a PSU alt. If you believe that hitting children is the answer to anything then their is something mental wrong with you. I think most people that do it just do it because it gives them a sense of power/ It's stupid and its sick. [/quote]Play nice. The notion of physically punishing your kids is thousands of years old and practiced in every culture in the world. Calling people stupid and sick for doing it is not just ignorant but offensive. If you disagree with the practice, state your reasons why and show some respect. Also, stop insulting other users, and that goes for everybody.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] DatDudeBV [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] MadMax888 It's funny how many things can be easily solved with an open, honest discussion. Have you calmly sat down with your parents and discussed this in an adult manner?[/quote] I got into an argument with my dad over the phone because My mom was punishing me for something i had absolutely no control over and I told him directly he was a crappy parent while venting how they were crappy in general. My mom heard the conversation and the BS stopped after that but it was far too late. Which makes me wonder if it would have been better to actually lash out when i was younger because they never listen to me unless i am pissed since i rarely raise my voice.[/quote] You should consider yourself lucky. If I talked to my parents like that, EVEN NOW when I dont even live with them, I'd get an ass whoopin. Confirmed, You are a spoiled brat[/quote] If you believe that hitting children is the answer to anything then their is something mental wrong with you. I think most people that do it just do it because it gives them a sense of power/ It's stupid and its sick. [Edited on 08.20.2012 1:16 PM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 @chubbz he isn't contributing nor are you if you prefer to talk about this instead of the OP.[/quote] I don't really care. From what it sounds like, you didn't get to hear what you wanted from everyone, so now you're being selective about who you choose to discuss the OP with, and are now self-policing your own thread, threatening to report the posts that you aren't agreeing with. Even if I did want to discuss the OP with you, I wouldn't, because I've seen more than I need in this thread to show me that you're an entitled, selfish crybaby.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] grey101 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] MadMax888 It's funny how many things can be easily solved with an open, honest discussion. Have you calmly sat down with your parents and discussed this in an adult manner?[/quote] I got into an argument with my dad over the phone because My mom was punishing me for something i had absolutely no control over and I told him directly he was a crappy parent while venting how they were crappy in general. My mom heard the conversation and the BS stopped after that but it was far too late. Which makes me wonder if it would have been better to actually lash out when i was younger because they never listen to me unless i am pissed since i rarely raise my voice.[/quote] You should consider yourself lucky. If I talked to my parents like that, EVEN NOW when I dont even live with them, I'd get an ass whoopin. Confirmed, You are a spoiled brat
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I take care of my kids , I give them a fair amount of discipline, teach them to be open to new ideas, buy them whatever they need, and ask them for Respect in return. That is their only currency, since I pay for and shape everything else in their lives.
