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Macatlas

Macatlas

7/4/2012 5:30:15 AM
::: [i]Bungie.net Bible, Book of HFCS[/i] In the beginning the Webmaster created Bungie.net and all of its contained forums. Thus Bungie.net and its contained forums were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day the Webmaster had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then the Webmaster pissed on the seventh day and, because he hated all things holy and light, he made it darker, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. This is the account of Bungie.net and its contained forums when they were created, when the Webmaster made the website and its contained forums. Now no CSS had yet appeared on Bungie.net and no Javascript had yet sprung up, for the Webmaster had not sent a coder to Bungie.net and there was no one to work the code, but ideas came up for Bungie.net and these ideas were prepared for implementation in the code. Then the Webmaster formed the first account with the first barebones version of WLID and breathed into its nostrils the breath of life, and the account became an unholy, living being [Disembodied Soul]. Now the Webmaster had assigned a man [Achronos] to the basement, in the Bungie Building; and there he put Achronos to good work and gave him access to the Disembodied Soul. The Webmaster made the HFCS for only the Webmaster and Achronos to plan the functionality of Bungie.net. In the middle of Bungie.net was the Code of Conduct and the HFCS. The Webmaster took Achronos and put him in the HFCS to work on Bungie.net and take care of it. And the Webmaster commanded Achronos, "You are free to join any of the private groups in Bungie.net; but you must not let ANYONE into the HFCS, for when you do so you will surely be beaten with a wet noodle." The Webmaster said, "It is not good for Achronos to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Now the Webmaster had formed out of the Bungie Lore all the inside jokes and Bungie catchphrases on the website. He brought them to Achronos to see what he would name them; and whatever Achronos called each item before him, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the inside jokes and catchphrases. But for Achronos there was still no suitable helper. So the Webmaster caused Achronos to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of Achronos's slices of toast and then replaced it with a fake. Then the Webmaster lured a man with the toast he had taken from Achronos, and he brought the new man to him [Achronos] and made a place for the new man in the HFCS. Achronos said, "This man is a foolish follower of toast he gave into the cravings of the flesh; so he shall be called Stosh' and he shall be a hater of toast. " Achronos and Stosh neither had custom avatars or yellow text, and they felt no shame. Now Marty the Elder was more crafty than any of the members of Bungie.net. He said to Stosh, "Did the Webmaster really say, 'You must not let anyone into the HFCS? " Stosh said to the Elder, "We may join any private group on Bungie.net, but the Webmaster did say, 'You must not let anyone into the HFCS, or you will be beaten with a wet noodle.'" "You will certainly not be beaten with a wet noodle," the Elder said to Stosh. "For the Webmaster knows that when you do so you will be able to gain knowledge from other intelligent members, and you will be like the Webmaster, knowing what is good and what is downright retarded." When Stosh saw that power like that of the Webmaster was pleasing to the ego, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, he let Foman into the HFCS. When Achronos saw Stosh's actions, he did the same and let Recon Number 54 into the HFCS. Then Foman and Recon Number 54 pointed out that Achronos and Stosh didn't have anything special like custom avatars and yellow text; so they manipulated the HTML and CSS and gave themselves custom avatars and yellow text. Then Achronos and Stosh heard the sound of the Webmaster as he was walking down the stairs toward the basement, and they hid from the Webmaster behind their desks. But the Webmaster called to Achronos, "Where are you?" Achronos answered, "I heard you on the stairs, and I was afraid because I exploited the code and to make myself awesome; so I hid." And the Webmaster, so furious that monkeys flew out of his butt, said, "Who told you that you could exploit the code? Have you let someone else into the HFCS?" Achronos said, "The hater of toast you put here with me let someone in the HFCS, so I did the same. Blame him." Then the Webmaster said to the Stosh, "What is this you have done?" Stosh said, "The Elder deceived me, so I did it." The Webmaster cursed Marty the Elder to write music for Bungie's games for all of eternity. Then the Webmaster whipped Achronos, Stosh, Foman, and Recon Number 54 with a wet noodle, which became a ritual for future members of the HFCS. Achronos and Stosh had opened the gates, so the Webmaster saw no alternative but to let selected others into the HFCS. Then the Webmaster stationed the Disembodied Soul at the gates of the HFCS to keep the common rabble out, and to keep the others in. The Webmaster made custom avatars and colored text for Achronos and Stosh and the other members of the HFCS. And the Webmaster said, "These men and women have now become like one of me, knowing how to exploit elitism and power." ::::::::::::::::::::::::::: [i]Bungie.net Bible, Book of the Valve Rivalry[/i] Now there arose a new community leader over Bungie.net, whose name was Urk. And he said to his people, "Look, the people at Valve are more and mightier than we; come, let us deal shrewdly with them, lest they multiply, and it happen, in the event of war, that they also join our rivals and create better games than us, and so run us out of business." Therefore they arranged softball games with them to accidentally-on-purpose pelt them with softballs without their knowing. And they built for Urk spin-off websites, Bungie.admin and Bungieur.net. But the more they pelted Valve people with softballs, the more they multiplied and grew. And the Bungie.net community was in dread of the Valve community. So the Bungie community made the Valve community play even more softball. And they made their lives bitter with broken teeth, black eyes, and in all manner of pain in the field. All the games that they were forced to play were difficult and frustrating. Then Urk spoke to the women of Bungie.net, of whom the name of one was Don Wan and the name of the other Mehve; and he said, "When we play the softball games, and you see a Valve woman with child, if it is a son, then you shall kidnap him; but if it is a daughter, then she shall remain." But the Don Wan and Mehve feared the Webmaster, and did not do as Urk commanded them, but left the Valve children alone. So Urk called for the women and said to them, "Why have you done this thing, and left the male children alone?" And the women said to Urk, "Because the Valve women are not like the Bungie.net women; for they are lively and give birth and don't let their children find their beer stashes." Therefore The Webmaster dealt well with the women, and the Bungie.net people multiplied and grew very mighty. And so it was, because the Don Wan and Mehve feared The Webmaster, that He provided a new wave of Bungie.net members to provide annoyance to the moderators. Then Urk commanded all the community, saying, "You shall cast softballs at every Valve son that is born, but every daughter you shall leave alone. This is the creed of our rivalry with Valve." [Edited on 08.15.2012 8:05 PM PDT]

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