WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! FIRE AT WILL GUARDIANS! THE HIVE ARE PREPARING TO BOARD! EDIT 1: [quote]"Unauthorized Fist of Havoc in the hangar bay."[/quote] SHIT! GUARDIAN DOWN! THERE'S A HUGE HOLE ON FLOOR 5! CALL IN THE WARLOCKS! [spoiler]*5 warlocks are sucked out into space* ...hehe[/spoiler] EDIT 2: OKAY WE ARE HEADED AN ASTEROID BELT. HANG ON WHILE I- -loading...- EDIT 3: THERE IS NO HOPE! THE HIVE ARE WIELDING THORNS AND OUR SHIP'S BROADBAND IS WEAK! LAGGING INCOMING! EDIT 4: thanks to atheon and primeval mind, we secured the breach. ...but we also kinda lost an engine. WE ARE STUCK FLOATING ADRIFT WE NEED THESE ENGINES ONLINE! WARLOCKS USE YOUR DAMN BOOKS, TITANS SECURE THE BREACHES! FELLOW HUNTERS, HOLD OFF THE HORDES! Catman Snowball has control over "food" distribution. I assume he means we eat heavy synths. EDIT 5: [quote]*nova bombs engines* I'M GIVIN ER ALL SHES GAWT CAPN!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE PULL A SORCERER'S APPRENTICE ON THOSE TURRETS!!!!!!! NOOOOOW!!!!!!!!![/quote] ENGINES ARE BACK UP! WE HAVE GOT TO GET OUT OF HEREEEEE..... *donk* SHIT WE HIT A PAYWALL WHO'S GOT CHANGE? DEEJ WANTS CASH OR WE CANT PASS! COME ON, HURRY! EDIT 6: SAYED DUDE THREW CASH AT HIS SCREEN, BUNGIE LET US PASS. Whew... Now then! Titans, KICK THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING! warlocks, BURN THOSE BOOKS! WE NEED FUEL! NOVA BOMB THAT! Hunters, DEFEND THE DAMN SHIP! GOLDEN GUN THOSE CRUSTY CRABS! WE NEED TO SHAKE THEM o-o-off....?? *giant shadow lurks above* WE ARE HIGHEST RATED BUT WE STILL NEED TO ESCAPE THAT THING?! Shit! Tractor beam. Not much can help us now guardians. In we go. Into.... It. [spoiler]*lights go out, power outtage. 9 hours default auto-lock engaged.* Exits are sealed. Nothing gets in or out for 9 hours. Better get some rest. Catman, do your thing.[/spoiler] EDIT 7: Guys, the doors are opening. They're being forced open, God save us all. *doors break down* CABAL! KILL EM ALL! *starts firing SUROS everywhere* DIE! DIE! DIE! *is hit by phalanx* OOOOH SHIT! *hits wall* That hurt... Really bad. *grabs snickers bar from snack bar (thanks mixalot) and loads into gjallahorn* SNICKERPACK ROUNDS BIATCH! *phalanx is useless against the mighty snickers* "Get some nuts". *turns around, puts on shades* *loud guitar riff sounds as fireball appears behind me* *explosion* WAAH SHIT! *slams into wall* Ow. OKAY PEOPLE I NEED SUNSINGERS TO BE OUR TRIBUTES! thanks for volunteering. NOW GO OUT THERE AND FACE THE CABAL! *several warlocks are phalanx'd* [spoiler]hehe.[/spoiler] [quote]Woah a wild forklift appears[/quote] *puts hand on fork-lifty shoulder* I need you to go out there. Face the hive. And if you live, come find me. *disappears into a wisp of blue dust* *teleports back inside ship* My self appointed co captain is now handing out exotic nacho cannons. They're not for year two Skrooobs who need to git gud, so get yours now! EDIT 8: Guys, we can't hold em off for long. We need nova bombs and bladedancers clearing a path, followed by titan bubbles. we have to get up to the central control and take out their command, release the ship and get the hell out of this place... Wherever we are. *pulls out hard light* I've made some...modifications. It now shoots out superheated cheese. EDIT 7: [quote]SIR A GIANT GREEN COLORED FLOATING CYBORG IS HERE FROM THE PAST AND IS TRYING TO SAVE BUBGIE FROM US WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!?!??[/quote] The chief is here to help! He's got his halo CE pistol, the one with unlimited range! And bottomless clip! *shoots guardian* oh dear. *golden guns the chief* I'm sorry chief *sobs*. Chief: "..." EDIT 8: Whew, mixalot gathered enough bumps to keep us in the air. Thanks to Doctor skolas for upgrading our broadband. Now, where are we? Looks like an enemy ship. A fallen ketch... But filled with cabal and hive! *looks up at house banners* No... No... It can't be! *large banner contains the words: house of Bungievision. Kell: Luke smith.* EDIT 9: people, we are stranded inside a fallen ketch full of a grand total of 4 species of alien. We need to sneak into control room and use our ghosts to hack the main console and detach us! Who's with me! *rips off bungievision house banners* Huh. This would make a nice cloak. *fashions into cloak and ties around neck* Let's go people! EDIT 10: I need a tactical team of bladedancers or anyone with kephri's sting. We need to infiltrate the bridge! Others, brute force EVERYTHING! Let's do this! EDIT 11: [quote]Yay, I've been stuck in the main post as an edit :) I just wanted to say that I've found a new super weapon while sifting through alternate time streams. It's called the Mt D3w BE4M, it fires a solid stream of highly toxic mt dew [u]AND[/u] it seams to be extremely effective against lag switching thrall and captains[/quote] Atheon has saved us. Frostbyte warns: [quote]DONT CROSS THE STREAMS![/quote] Luckily these will be able to help us in our assault! LET'S TANK THIS BITCH! EDIT 12 [quote]Sneak?!?! I'm an EXO titan, I'm not built for sneaking... I DESTROY things... I have no backup plan, nevermind plan b, i jump to plan C, bad juju be damned, Her hand is in this, Her Will demands we spread Ill Will to the last word and be a thorn in their side. We will be the distraction noodle boss! Grabs Private Parts, Major Pain, and Calls in General Annoyance Troops are you ready? Are your Supers Charged? *SIR YES SIR* Are your Grenades primed? *SIR YES SIR* Shoulders Charged? CRASH, KABOOM, BANG. What the hell just happend? *Sir private parts went of prematurely and splatered himself all over wall DANG IT! Alright Leave him to clean up the mess, Let's get this show on the road! --and the swarm of titans blast down the corridor making noise and agroing all the spawns to follow them so those little hunters can slink and sneak around to the sounds of fists of havoc shaking the ground while cabal shells clatter to the floor and hive scream in agony![/quote] BRING OUT THE MT D3W BE4MS! FIRE AT WILL! We are at the control room. Trip mines! *tripmines stick to door* *door blows down* CHAAAAAARGE! EDIT 13: We've taken the control room. Ghosts are reversing the tractor beam now. But someone has to stay behind, and make sure that we can hold of the hive long enough. I volunteer as tribute. Good luck to you all, (and meh to warlocks, hehe). Go! I'll hold em off long enough! RUN! Before Luke smith arrives! *hunters scramble and shoot their way through hordes* So long, mantis. *doors close* *laser shots heard in background* *warlock collapses dead* [spoiler]hehe.[/spoiler] EDIT 14: I DID IT! I FREED THE MANTIS! And, added bonus, killed luke smith by throwing my wallet in the airlock. He ran for it and was thrown into space. What now? Well.... Mixalot, Rex, and frostbyte, the mantis is yours. Good luck crew. Now... The [i]cash grab[/i]. My flashy new ship. Bonus: it's a ketch. TRANSMISSION ENDS Ghost: where to next? Me: *cocks shotgun* Take us home. Ghost: what are you gonna use that for? Me: *points gun at ghost* [i]do not[/i] diss the secret handshake. Ghost: if I had hands, they would be stuck in the air right now. Me: good. *puts feet up* Now drive. Before I get my hands on a snickers bar. =========== THE SEQUEL https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/151545238/0/0/1 =========== https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/151545238/0/0/1 HA! I BEAT YOU, FORUMS! 100% FINISHED AND SALT FREE! *transmats mortisrex and frostbyte* Good luck cleaning that cheese solo, mixalot! THIS IS THE [i]THREADKETCH[/i] [i]CASH GRAB[/i], FIRST EVER OF IT'S KIND. CPT SPARTAN LASER SPEAKING. During these long hours I would like to inform you we now have a clan. Join the crew!