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#Gaming

originally posted in:Working As 1ntended
8/6/2015 12:09:20 AM
1

Battletoads

A game conceived by the most sadistic bastards on the face of the planet: Rare. I am fully convinced that infinite lives and rewinds are a requirement in order to have a semi-enjoyable experience while playing Battletoads. The greatest amount of rage won’t even come from getting your ass kicked to infinity and beyond. You will find that one of the many the steroid-infused freaks of nature known as enemies in this game will, in comparison to your measly movement speed, nearly break the sound barrier as they jet down to the bottom of the stage to annihilate your toad by means of detonating explosives. You’ll also find that the inanimate objects in the game can prove to be even greater adversaries than the living ones. Literally, a human would need to have a reaction time of negative two seconds in order to properly enact the inputs necessary to conceivably avoid the hazards ahead of them on the first through fifth try. Logs, electrical lines, ice cubes, balls, and gaping holes are all part of the new hell you’ll be getting yourself into. The developers even acknowledge the fact that the game is putting you through a hell of ungodly instant deaths by adding flames to the background of one of the stages. This aforementioned stage even looks to be the frustrating inspiration/predecessor to Flappy Bird. Anyone who looks to have a fun time while playing vanilla Battletoads has to be a virtual masochist willing to be the submissive subject to Rare’s dominatrix of a video game. In a world filled with games that hold your hand every step of the way toward completion, I applaud Rare for making the hardest game ever imagined. The amount of toads murdered in the attempts to complete this game must surpass the population in every first, second, third, or even fourth world country in existence. It’s truly PETA-protest-worthy. 10 out of 10; would rage again. Example: Prank caller: [quote]Hey. do you have Battletoads?[/quote] Pawn shop owner: [quote]Dammit. I swear if another one of you punk asses calls asking for "Battletoads" I'm going to force them to play my own personal copy until they have a brain hemorrhage.[/quote]

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