Fair warning, long read ahead, but I think you'll enjoy... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [b]Three Guardians Walk Into a Bar - Part One[/b] A hunter, a warlock and a titan, walk into a bar. Inside at the bar, they see a jar filled with glimmer to the brim. They approach the bartender and inquire about the jar. The bartender tells them, "You pay 1,000 glimmer into the jar. There are three tests. If you can pass all three tests, you keep all the glimmer." "What are the tests?", the Hunter inquires. "Gotta pay first". The hunter, warlock and titan agree and pay in. "First, you have to drink that entire bottle of pepper tequila. The whole thing at once. And not make a face doing it." "Easy enough", the titan says. "Second, Master Rahool is hoarding an exotic heavy engram. You'll have to steal it from him. Not as easy at it sounds". The hunter smirks, "Good thing I have invisibility." "Lastly, that poor shipwright, Amanda Holliday. Always stuck in the hangar, busy with work, no company. Never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her", says the bartender. "I'll just use fireborn to bring back my erection if needed", the warlock remarks. All three guardians agree to the tests at hand. They each down the tequila. Tears are streaming down the Hunter's face, the warlock is sweating and squinting, and the titan handled the first one fairly well so he had a second--wasted beyond belief. One by one they take turns in their drunken stupor for the next part of the test. The hunter stumbles out to the Cryptarch. After a brief curse, he returns. "Forgot to switch to Bladedancer". Failed. The warlock glides out like a fairy trying not to trip over anything while dazed from the tequila. He went for the above approach. Easily caught by the Cryptarch. Forgot to use Angel of Light. Failed. Now the titan heads out. At first it is quiet. Then there is some yelling, some rustling like theres a tumble going on, and an abrupt few grunts. The titan returns. He hands the bartender a handwritten note Rahool gave him. It reads, "Come back before I get bored..." "That's not what I asked you to get!", the bartender says. The titan nods his head in a drunken pride and says, "Now where's that shipwright with the exotic engram?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [b]Three Guardians Walk Into a Bar - Part Two [/b] Several days after their first challenge, the hunter, titan, and warlock go back to the bar and approach the bartender. "Oh, it's you guys again. Back for a different challenge?" The warlock looks at the titan and says "We'd better hurry up before Rahool gets bored" *wink* "Haha very funny tinker bell" The bartender looks at them and says "Alright, same rules. You each pay 1,000 glimmer into the jar, and I'll tell you the tests. Winner gets the entire jar" Again, the three Guardians agree to the tests and pay in. "First, you gotta down an entire bottle of Kell's Blood. Don't worry its not actually blood, but its strong stuff." "I can handle that", the titan says. "Next, you gotta help out the broom bots. The Queen has arrived with her guard and they need the puddles cleaned up by their ship. Try not to get a boner though. Be sure to show her just how good you are. " "Pfft, easy peasy", the warlock says. "Lastly, the Stranger is out by the Speaker's hall. She actually brought the legendary version of her rifle with her, so I want you to steal it from her. She owes you anyway." "I'll remember blade dancer this time", the hunter says. One after the other, the guardians drink down the Kell's blood. The hunter coughs from the burn, but otherwise does fine. The titan drank it down like it was fruit punch, no extra for him this time. The warlock drank it slower than the others, but no issues. Then, warlock goes out first to help the broom bots. You could hear the Queen yelling. Several minutes later he returns. "I think the Queen was mad, guess I missed a spot." Failed. Next the titan goes out. Not long after, he comes back limping. "Slipped on a damn puddle those bots left near the stairs!" Failed. Then the hunter takes his turn. He is gone for quite some time and returns empty handed, but dazed from his drunkeness. "So, what happened?" "I did just like you asked, and showed that beautiful Stranger just how good I am" "You were supposed to go help the broom bots and the Queen first!", the bartender yells. The hunter looks up ashamedly and says, "turns out when she said 'little light', she wasn't referring to my ghost". --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------