* a new Guardian goes out to the docking area of the Tower with a disconcerted look after briefly talking with Lord Shaxx *
* Commander Zavala approaches Shaxx *
[b]Z[/b]- Hey there- Uhm... That new soldier looked confused. Why did he come to you?
[b]S-[/b] Oh. He wanted to know what the point of the Crucible was. More or less, his words were "[i]why are we sent to wreck one another, wasting time, efforts and munition, when we could be out there pushing the Darkness and his minions back[/i]"?
[b]Z-[/b] A daring question, indeed. And what did you tell him?
[b]S-[/b] Well, what do you expect? I told him the truth: that we send them out there to forge better soldiers. So they can train against enemies better, faster, smarter, stronger than anything that the Darkness can ever send at us: [i]more experienced Guardians[/i]. That they will learn from one another´s tactics and the true meaning of the strength of a team, and thus, when actually facing the Darkness, they will become unstoppable.
[b]Z[/b]- A great answer, Shaxx. Honorable and inspiring.
*Shaxx looks at Zavala*
*Zavala looks at Shaxx*
[b]Z[/b]- PFFFFFWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And he bought that?
[b]S-[/b] Like discount burgers, man! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I can´t believe that line works every time! I mean, can you believe it?. Hey, hey, check this out..
* Shaxx pulls out a monitor, where a Titan tackles a Hunter*
* voice of the Hunter throguh the comm- [i]THAT F*****NG GUY WITH THE SHOULDER CHARGE AGAIN[/i]!!*
[b]Z[/b]- BAAHAHAHAHA! By the Traveler, this is just too much fun! Shaxx, man, you had the greatest idea when you decided to record matches.
[b]S[/b]- Right? I mean, I just thought "dude, standing around the Tower waiting for some Guardians to come and buy equipment is BO-RING, there´s gotta be a way to find entertain"- oh, wait, watch this, [i]watch this[/i]!
* Warlock charges at Titan with a shotgun. One, shot, Titan goes down*
* Voice over the comm- [i]AGAIN WITH THE GOD****M SHOTGUNS[/i]!!*
*Zavala starts to crack up. Shaxx hushes him, then pulls a microphone out of the monitor, clears his voice, then activates it*
[b]S[/b]- (dramatic voice) [i]PROVE YOUR WORTH, GUARDIAN![/i] *closes mic*
[b]Z[/b]- PAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You cruel, merciless bas**** you just love doing that, don´t you?
* Ikora Rey storms in with an angry look *
[b]I-[/b] What the Hell are you two doing? I can heard you morons laughing from across the Hall, it´s impossible to conduct research like this! What´s the big deal?
[b]S[/b]- Ikora, relax... *squints at her* We´re watching[i] Crucible matches[/i]
* Ikora´s eyes flash*
[b]I[/b]- OOOOOH, you should have said it before!! Cayde!! Cayde, bring popcorn, dude, there´s another show of scrubs wasting one another!
[b]C[/b]- Yeah! About time! Hey, someone phone the guys at New Monarchy and Dead Orbit, see if they want to take bets on this. Who´s fighting now?
* The voice of the Dead Orbit´s representative storms through the microphones*
[b]D.O.[/b]- WE CAN HEAR YOU FROM ALL THE WAY OVER HERE, YOU PITIFUL, SAD EXCUSE FOR A VANGUARD!!
* Dead silence. The spectators look at one another, with some shame in their face.
[b]D.O.[/b]- I mean.... A new match started and [i]YOU GUYS DIDN´T PHONE RIGHT AWAY???[/i] I´m betting 12.000 Glimmer on the team with the Hunter that has a Third Man mask!
[b]New Monarchy[/b]- We´re betting 15.000 on the team with four Titans!!
*In the meantime, the Cryptarch has taken another Purple Engram and decrypted it into a toaster*
[spoiler] To be honest, I actually DO believe that my time in the Crucible has improved my overall skills and made me better when doing Strikes and all. [/spoiler]
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I have official footage of the very FIRST legendary toaster item which came out with the new weekly patch. Go turn in those engrams guardians! (Thank you @JurgenBlitz for the idea and awesome story)
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Lost it at toaster.
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Necrobump for kicks
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BLUSHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Edited by Robsim378: 3/10/2015 10:08:22 PMBest thing I have ever read Someone please bump so I can come back later
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Lmao, that made me laugh hard. Good stuff lol
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hahahahaHAHAHAHA MADE ME LAUGHT FOR A GOOD 60 MINUTES AHANAH
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I believe this.
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Nice. Needed a good laugh. Long night at work. Thanks.
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You should write more tower parodies!
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The saddest, yet most hilarious part: everything depicted is true... The shoulder charge(wtf bungie), the shotguns(The one thing they still need to nerf), even the annoying announcements(I swear he says it right as I die on purpose), but I wish you would have implemented ark blade(Super OP), or Golden Gun(it has initials GG for a reason if you catch my drift). Now if you will excuse me I have to grind for the toaster, I really want it, I even heard there is an exotic toaster oven! ^_^
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[quote]*In the meantime, the Cryptarch has taken another Purple Engram and decrypted it into a toaster*[/quote]
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1337/10
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This is my new favourite post
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Oh yes
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Everyone should read this http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/72212926/0/0/1 - Which is the non parody version, and then read this post back to back - its absolutely hilarious
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He'll yeah bro I -blam!-ing love this lol
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I'm so late on finding this story ;__; *cries* Lol, this story is amazing and really funny on how accurate it is xD! Just got done with crucible, and was killed about 4 times from shoulder charge. That move is crazy...and sometimes scary. Well, I'm gonna go grind for that toaster. I need it to toast my toast.
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XD i like that "in the mean time, the Cryptarch has taken another four Purple Engrams and decoded it into a toaster* sums him up alright!
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Please post more of these stories and share as much as possible. a lot of these stories help give the NPC's at the tower more depth. Like when everyone hated the Cryptarch (and still kinda do) we started with jokes and stories and changed him into a villan that we all have a broader, albeit hated, view of him. Maybe bungie will hear some of this and expand the characters (not holding my breath though)
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True story.
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Toaster is love, Toaster is life.
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Brilliant, a completely accurate description of crucible. Big thumbs up
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I wonder what Bungie was thinking when they read this.