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11/16/2013 1:16:27 PM

How to make a modern-day comedy movie

Step 1: Casting - [url=]Take a maximum three to four males, aged between roughly 15 and 40-something[/url]. - [url=]Choose the slim, slightly pasty white guy to be the protagonist (John)[/url]. - [url=]Ensure one of the characters (not the protagonist) is overweight (Jack)[/url]. - [url=]Ensure one of the remaining characters is slightly shorter than the rest (Joey)[/url]. - Let any of the remaining characters be similar to the protagonist. - [url=]Include a love interest (Jenny) for John who is roughly the same age, but who is more attractive than someone he would be expected to ever be with.[/url] Consider adding in a best friend for her as well. - [url=]All characters should be roughly the same height[/url]. Step 2: Backstory - John, Jack, and Joey are middle-class friends living in a middle-class suburb and frequently attend the same middle-class environment (school, college, university, workplace, etc...). - John is a introverted, unpopular, obviously-still-a-virgin, beta male who's in love with Jenny. He can talk to her, but never admit how he feels (aww...). He's been friendzoned. - Jack is the fat kid of the group/class/school. He frequently talks about going to parties and getting wasted and laid on the weekends to try to bolster his reputation as a party animal (especially in the presence of the females who are way out of his league). However, none of it is true. John and Joey know this and often feign jealously. - Joey is the most objectively unpopular, uncool, introverted "loser nerd" in the entire city. He knows it, John and Jack know it (and have thought of ignoring him completely), and he's frequently picked on. Step 3: The Plan - One day Jack announces to John and Joey that he's come up with "the super awesome, ultra best, foolproof, far-too-simplistic-to-be-remotely-believable plan" to achieve their goal(s) to elevate their social status(es). This is probably something along the lines of: John -blam!-ing Jenny, Jack -blam!-ing two or more hookers, and Joey -blam!-ing the most attractive female the production can afford to cast. - Joey agrees to "the plan", but John doesn't and starts making excuses (work/school commitments which are all white lies, or he's whipped). Jack berates John until he gives in and says yes. The journey begins. Step 4: Boobs - John, Jack, and Joey head off to their destination/begin their plan. This leads them into upper-class strip clubs to sleazy back-alley bordellos. Cue a montage of scenes with all three (mostly Jack and Joey) acting like drunkards in a club or dance floor, complete with a slightly outdated annoying pop song. Finish with a fading-out wide shot of them at night stumbling along a street back to their hotel room, reveling in the perfect night they had. - The next morning they wake up and, over breakfast, discuss how they're no closer to their goal. Step 4: Genericism - After repeated failed attempts for all of them to meet their goal (especially John and Jack), John, the most blatantly obvious level-headed one of group has a mega-breakdown and verbally fights (with a serious tone-of-voice, even for a comedy) with Jack. - With Joey trying to mediate, John blames Jack for everything, making specific reference to Jack's history of lying about partying. The two part-ways vowing never to speak to each other again (even if they're in the middle of another country and have no money). Step 5: Time To Kiss and Make Up - As the two go on their separate, short-lived journeys, they both have experiences that are worse than their fight. - Jack immediately visits another club and gets rejected by every single female there, including the-obviously-placed-ugly-girl-just-to-show-how-repulsive-he-really-is. Many of them comment on how fat he is and how no girl will ever want to be with him. That visibly cuts deep for him and he leaves upset, finally getting a taste of his own medicine from when he harasses John and Joey. - John, on the other hand, tries to prove he doesn't need Jack to have fun and attempts to get drunk and laid. He fails miserably at both and is comforted by Joey who comes to the rescue (who turns out to be surprising helpful at offering advice). - They both meet back at some familiar place (eg. hotel room, park, etc...) and end up apologising to each other, their friendship rock-solid. Step 6: The Plan: Take Two - John, Jack, and Joey now get the ball rolling on their plan to be fulfilled all in the one single night at the same party. - John, with his recent experience of getting into clubs, being drunk, and having a hangover, decides to finally tell Jenny he loves her. She says she loves him too, guaranteed. They kiss, make out, and -blam!-. - Jack, now understanding that he has weight issues, meets a girl who clearly says "I don't care if you're overweight". They kiss, maybe even make out, but don't end up in bed. - Joey, in the most believable plot-line ever conceived, manages to bed the hottest girl(s) around because they find [i]him[/i] irresistible. Step 7: Epilogue - After a short time, they resign themselves back to their pre-plan daily routines. - John got the girl. - Jack is still with the girl he discovered that night, but the impression Jack gives-off is that they're both going-to-wait™, the diametric opposite of his original philosophy to -blam!- anything that moves. - Joey, now with everyone knowing he picked up the hottest piece of ass(es) around, has managed to elevate his social standing, and as a consequence, the group's as well. - [i]And they all lived happily every after.[/i] Step 8: Ship It - Place a picture of all the characters on a white background with the title of the movie in big red text. Make sure each character's expressions are indicative of how they act in Step 2 and Step 3. [url=]Because[/url] [url=]that's[/url] [url=]never[/url] [url=]been[/url] [url=]done[/url] [url=]before[/url]. - [url=]Advertise it with snippets of the clubs they visit, the "hot girl(s)" juxtaposed with the main characters, and of awkward situations[/url]. Step 9: PROFIT!!! - Congratulations. - Revel in the fact that you've made yet another "comedy" movie, with the most overused, generic comedy plot structure of the last 20 years, that is mediocre at best, and lucky to break-even. - Await the call for the sequel which inevitably flops at the box office.

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