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1/20/2018 5:16:25 PM
33
My horrible career
I’m almost 20 and haven’t been able to score a better job than a -blam!-ing cook at a local fast food joint. What makes it worse is that I live in a small town so business is pretty limited, and where I work is the only place that’ll hire high school graduates. I’d get the hell out of this town if I could actually drive too, but I’ve failed every damn test I’ve ever taken. I’m socially awkward, even my only other co-worker -blam!-ing hates my guts. I have repressed lust for one of my best friends too; she’s athletic, smart, and a gorgeous southern bell. I love her. You know what it’s like; I’ve been friend zoned real hard. She’s my only best friend, besides this one kid, who I’m pretty sure is only hanging around me because he is mentally challenged. I guess he’s the only one that can tolerate me. And what makes this all worse is that I live in a -blam!-ing pineapple under the sea.
English
#Offtopic
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yeah? you think that's bad? That ain't shit my dude. My job is so -blam!-ing unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with: First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe. The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat. But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the -blam!-ing stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big -blam!-ing dog to work. Every -blam!-ing day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single -blam!-ing day. Anyway, I drive these -blam!-tards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.
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Edited by ol azo: 1/21/2018 2:24:37 AMTesting! Testing! Testing testing testing testing testing testing testing! TESTIIIIING! TEST... DO YOU REEEAAADD- [spoiler]He still failed the test.[/spoiler]
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4 RepliesI swear i saw this before on the forums but i still fell for it until the last part.
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I thought spongebob was like 25 tho
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I wrote a long serious post to you, and then as I was about to post, I saw that you live in a pineapple under the sea. [b][i][u]Oh.[/u][/i][/b]
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RIDE THE HOOKS TO FREEDOM
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1 ReplyUm, excuse me but it says here that you were born in 1986, therefore you would be 31, not 20...[spoiler]gr8 b8 m8, I'd r8 8/8[/spoiler]
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F[b]u[/b]ck; you got me.
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2 RepliesThe only sponge bob I’ve ever watched is the one that the squirrel was hibernating so they took her fur off and made coats out of it... now that I think of it that was wrong on so many levels...
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We love you bruh [spoiler]I know it's a troll still worth saying[/spoiler]
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I almost thought you were attempting to describe the plot of 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape'... until I read the last sentence. 😝
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By the time you said you were a cook I knew this was a spongebob post
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Pet snail tho
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Brrrrrruuuuuuuhhhhhh stoop
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Take karate lessons and become a karate champion.
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Sell your bubble art. Make millions.
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1 ReplyHere's a song to lift your mood, try listening to it while you work :)
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Knew half way through
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Work for the post office. Always hiring and a federal job
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seen this
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So this a long time ago on Omegle... [spoiler]still hilarious[/spoiler]
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Edited by Tobito_TheGod: 1/20/2018 6:56:02 PMI'm fvcking dead😂😂 Wouldn't have even crossed my mind on what this was leading to were it not for the last words. It's probably also bad that i never realized the reason your friend is so dumb is cause he lives under a rock.
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I'm sorry, SpongeBob. The writers will eventually write into the script that you become a normal sponge. In about 20 years.
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Wow, I had no idea this was going to be a SpongeBob thing. Good job!
