so, i doubt anyone knows this, but i enjoy writing short stories and thinking up possible plot lines for things, and i am thinking of starting to write a book, so i wanted the opinions of fellow readers and writers on my idea. [spoiler]The idea of my story takes place in a medieval era style world named Aryix. Its a time for swords and arrows, castles and dungeons, and dragons and magic. The last two go hand in hand. Dragons can control specific objects depending on their scale color, suck as a blue dragon often can control things related to water and liquids. Green dragons can control plants and occasionally air/wind. But, in the world of Aryix, legends told of 2 dragons, unlike any other. One was the color of pitch, black as night, born of an egg that was invisible in shadows, while the other was as bright as the moon, and even glowed when it was dark, whose egg was a spotless white, without blemish. The black dragon could have power over death, while the white dragon had power over life. It came to pass that during the days of the past, a king ruled the land peacefully. the white dragon took kindly to this king, and eventually let the king become his rider. The black dragon soon gained a rider, but this rider was a knight, jealous the king, and raised an army to fight the king. The two armies clashed in a abandoned lava field, called the cauldron, and for hours the battle was fought. Swords swung, arrows flew, and blood lost. The rivers were red, and the ground was covered in bodies. Soon,l the king met the Knight in battle, and they fought. The king was a better swordsman then the knight, and after a quick struggle, the king stabbed the knight through the chain-mail that was worn, and into the heart of the knight. The Black dragon, who had just lost his rider, became enraged, and revealed something no one had even known about dragons. Dragons become stronger the angrier they get, but they lose control of their powers as well. A blue dragon that became enraged, full of wrath, could call a tidal wave to wipe out a coastline, but often drowned itself in the wave. For the black dragon, something similar happened. Throughout the fight, the dragon used it power to raise the dead of its army to continue fighting, as nothing but mindless soldiers, devoid of pain and sorrow, whereas the white dragon would heal any wound it came upon, and rejuvenate the soldier. But, when enraged, the black dragon started to have an aura of darkness, and from its mouth shot death. Soldiers barely touched by the torrent of black fire would shrivel and die in seconds. The dragon, in a state of wrath, turned its focus on the king, and breathed his fire towards him. Before the king could react though, his dragon, the white dragon, flew in front of the blast, and took the fire head on. His scales lost their glow, his feet soon stopped moving, and his heart soon died. But, when the final breath from this dragon was released, a wave of light shot from the body in a circle, enveloping the entire battlefield, bringing to life everything that could be. Emotions and thoughts become realities, the dead were raised, if only to die once again, and the black dragon felt something he had never felt before. An emotion that had been dead inside the dragon. Fear. The black dragon felt fear, felt the sorrow and despair that came with it, and he ran. He flew away towards the mountains, and his silhouette covered the sun for a mere moment before disappearing. The King ran to the white dragon, and laid his hands on the beasts neck, the one that had saved his life, and he found out a new thing that day as well. From the eye of the dragon came a tear, and this tear solidified into a diamond, which held the last power of the dragon. The power the give life to one emotion. Hope. From that day, the king had blacksmiths forge new swords, capable of holding similar gems, which held the last power of a dead dragon. New dragons became beasts of war, with knights on their back, charged to protect the kingdom, and when a dragon died, his gem was given to the knight, as a remnant of the power that was once their. These knights soon became more powerful then their brethren, some being able to control trees, power that came from an emerald, the tear of a green dragon, others could control the ground, making it shake and split, power that came from an amber stone, that of a brown dragon. The king only ever had one gem in his sword. It was a diamond, which gave hope to all he came in contact with. The king kept that gem by his side till the day he died. People forgot about the king eventually, about his quest and the war which he fought, and they even forgot about the black knight, who became nothing other then stories told to children in their bed. Then, he returned. And he was not alone. [/spoiler] Now that I've written that all out, what are your thoughts? do you like the story, do you hate it? why is that? is there anything i can improve? Im curious to hear your feedback. thank you for reading.
For starters mein frande, spaces make everything in your writing. Looking at a gigantic wall of text with no gaps in it diminishes a lot interest and in general, can confuse readers when you try to make a gap in time, or a jump in perspective. Second, punctuation and grammar are important. When somebody is reading, and their eyes stray across an error in grammar, it detracts from immersion. And proper punctuation, is important to flow as well. Third. Flow. Certain words when mixed together generate a smooth, flowing read that's easy on the eyes, and easy on the mind. You might want to take some time to consider how you generate the structure of your sentances. And, lastly, very, very key, is repeating words and phrases. You always have to be careful on the usage of too many of the same words to describe things. As soon as a reader notices a pattern, and a repeating one in words that are identical, it detracts from the overall value and immersion because their mind is focused on spotting those recurring phrases and words. None the less, what you have is a concept that is uniquely your own, of which it could be refined with time and care. If you like writing, I would reccommend that perhaps you explore it further.