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Edited by innoBius:
8/14/2014 4:04:43 PM
2
If you have any ideas or comments please share (trolls will be ignored).
English
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If I had to ask for anything it would be more content from your characters during their down time. Don't get caught up thinking you need to have action scenes constantly to draw in readers. The more you set the scene and develop the character the more immersed a reader becomes in the story especially if they either like or hate the character. From there a character that people like that just scrapes through a fight is instantly met more positively, equally so a character that is intentionally designed to be disliked will be cared about more.
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Edited by innoBius: 8/15/2014 11:47:06 AMThis was a one off. To set the scene, if you will, for a longer set based on Innocentem and Milton. I whole heartedly agree that this little snippet is wanting in many aspects. However, more is on the way. I say this, not as an excuse, but to present a mitigating circumstance; I wrote most of this story on my phone in the middle of the woods waiting for GPS satellites. I do intend to revisit this story, in greater detail, after I get both chars a bit more history.
