If anyone here remembers my old "War Of The Neighbors" threads, you probably remember "Kiddo". Well, I decided to not post about his jackassery anymore mostly because I found a great way to avoid him (I just carried a baseball bat with me whenever I went outside and he was home for a couple weeks). But this time I had to say something... I was heading out to my car today to go to the store when Kiddo comes out. I just ignored him and got into my car. I look up once I sit down and see he's walking his dog over to my lawn... that dog took the biggest dump I have ever seen in my front yard... So, like any other responsible and civilized man, I got outside of my car and calmly said: Me: I WILL GET MY -blam!-ING BELT AGAIN! Kiddo: I'll get my -blam!-ing phone and call the cops! Me: Do I look like I give the slightest sign of a -blam!-? Kiddo: Do I? Me: Just get your -blam!-ing dog off of my lawn or I'll start hiding chocolate in your yard for your dog to find. Kiddo: Is that a threat? Me: No. Maybe. Kiddo: Well, hypothetically, let's say you kill my dog with chocolate in my yard, how long do you think you would be in jail for? Me: I don't like hypothetical situations that much. I prefer dealing with reality. Like the reality of you still not getting your dog off my lawn! At this point, the banter just turns into he and I throwing insults back and forth until he goes back inside and his dog with him. But wait, there's more! Kiddo comes back out after I get back from the store and he has something... Kiddo comes out and has a football... Before I can say "WHY THE -blam!- DO YOU HAVE SO MANY!" the football hits me in the face and I fall on the ground. My nose was even bleeding. I got up, ran inside, grabbed my airsoft gun, ran outside, and I shot him in the leg. Kiddo: The -blam!- was that for!? Me: The -blam!- was [i]that[/i] for!? Kiddo: I asked first! Me: I asked better! (I have such a way with words) Kiddo: You're being a -blam!-ing prick. Me: You're letting your dog shit on my lawn! And you threw a football at my nose and now it's bleeding! Kiddo: That is... not a good excuse. Me: *shoots other leg* Kiddo: Stop doing that! Me: Stop throwing footballs at me! Kiddo: When I burn in hell! Me: I can help with that! *shoots leg again* Kiddo: Aww! Same -blam!-ing spot! Then he just goes back inside. Now I'm just sitting here typing this and treating my nose... -blam!-ing neighbors, man.