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Edited by TheAlphaPorch:
4/13/2016 8:36:28 PM
587
Actual funny jokes NOW!
[b]Make me sum funny jokes or else you will be "Fired" by sniper Lenny [/b]
━╤デ╦︻(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)
Here's one
What do you call a mans penis on a metal sign?
[spoiler]magnet-dick (Mag-net-dick[/spoiler]
[spoiler]100 bumps oh cool (replies)
200 bumps Wut?
300 bumps i can't even...
400 bumps Serious?
500 bumps How?!
600 bumps ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
700 bumps for f*** sake
800 bumps How is this trending?!
900?! Bumps?! HOW?!
1000!!!!! HOLY SHIT!
1100! MMMMM
1200! THIS AINT B8 M8!
1300! THIS IS ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
1400?! *Furiously faps*
[b]1500!!! TRENDING!![/b]
1600... O_O
1700 Determination.
1800, M9
1900! WAT r dos!!
2000. PURE TRENDING
2100! THERES NO END!
2200!! KEEP ON GOIN!
2300... ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ
2400! ALL HAIL POTATO
2500?! LANDMARK REACHED!
2600! CHOO CHOO!
[/spoiler]
ATTENTION ALL JOKE MAKERS!
We have reached a land mark... 2500!
As a reward if I see a really funny joke I will put
ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ <-----Happy Lenny.
Then you can feel good.
🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭
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1 ReplyWhy do gnomes laugh when they play soccer? [spoiler]The grass tickles their balls.[/spoiler]
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How do us blind people shower? The same as you. First, we get nice and wet, ****, this isn't the shower.
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A man walks into a bar, A slab of asphalt under his arm.. He says: [spoiler]"A BEER PLEASE, AND ONE FOR THE ROAD!"[/spoiler]
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What's the difference between me and hitler? [spoiler]hitler knew how to kill himself [/spoiler]
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3 RepliesHow do frogs die? [spoiler]They Kermit suicide[/spoiler] How does Mickey Mouse browse the web? [spoiler]With his I-Pad Minnie[/spoiler]
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1 Reply
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4 RepliesWhat do you call a magic owl? [spoiler]Your dad, because he disappeared so fast [/spoiler]
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3 Replies
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40 RepliesWhy do the French have rear view mirrors on their tanks?[spoiler]to see the front lines[/spoiler]
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10 RepliesMy laffy taffy says: Why was the broom late? [spoiler]it over swept[/spoiler] Eh? Eh?! ôヮô
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7 RepliesWhat's the biggest joke in Destiny? [spoiler]Firebolts[/spoiler] #TitanMasterRace
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15 RepliesTwo atoms are walking down the street. The first atom says "I think I lost an electron back there." The second atom says "you sure?" The first atom says "yeah, I'm positive."
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9 RepliesLittle Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None." replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."
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10 RepliesI don't remember this word for word but I'll give it a try. A man at a nude beach was relaxing reading a newspaper and noticed a young girl walking by so he quickly covers him self up. As the girl comes by she asked what was under the newspaper. "It's a sick bird I'm nurturing back to health." said the man. " can I see it" said the girl. The man said no so the girl walked away. Shortly after that the man fell asleep. He woke up a while later in an ambulance and asked the emt what happened. They didn't know for sure so they were asking passerby. The girl walked by and said she knew. " I wanted to play with the bird." said the girl. "So I walked over and started to play with it. The bird perked up so I started to play with it some more. Then it spat in my face. So I broke it's neck, crushed it's eggs, and set it's nest on fire."
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2 RepliesMary had a little lamb, Ran into a pylon, 1000 volts went up its @ss And turned its wool to nylon!
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1 ReplyHere's a joke [spoiler]Your waifu[/spoiler]
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2 RepliesWhat's the difference between the Brookfield Zoo and the white house? [spoiler]the Zoo has an African lion. The white house has a lyin' african[/spoiler] [spoiler]I'm not racist. Please don't get offended by this.[/spoiler]
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5 RepliesAfter reading many of these jokes, I have come to the conclusion that Little Johnny is the ultimate savage
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1 ReplySo this girl I was talking to over text over the summer was one of the worst texters out there. One word replies, really bitchy and stuff. I was just in it for poon. Anyways I asked her one day, "how's your day?" And she decides to reply with "idk lol". What!? One how do you not know how your day has been, two, why are you laughing about it? Short term memory loss is not a joke. If symptoms persist please contact your doctor about using lunesta. I have this weird thing were I remember the first conversation I had with a lot of people. My friend has an older sister (2-3 years older. She was a senior when I was a sophomore with the brother). And I distinctly remember her asking me, in the hallway, "(Name of Brother) said you phucked your dog." What?!? So I confront the brother and he's all like I was joking. And now this girl denies it. Just a funny story I guess. Preview of the Arlo world tour coming whenever the hell I decide to make it happen
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2 RepliesIslam is a religion of peace.
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51 RepliesThis is a bit of a long one that my friend told me One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick". Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats". On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using. Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "f[b]u[/b]ck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f[b]u[/b]cking the turkey
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4 RepliesA blonde woman is driving along and speeding. She's really flying. She hears a siren behind her and wonders who's the idiot being pulled over and ignores it. The siren is still going and she looks back realizing it's for her, so she pulls over and waits impatiently for the officer to walk over. The female officer finally comes over and looks into the window and asks, "Do have any idea why I pulled you over?" The blonde sits there dumbfounded, she has no clue. "You were going 90 miles an hour. License and registration. Now." Now the blonde is even more confused. "What's a license?" The officer sighs and says, "It's a rectangle with a picture of you on it." The blonde rummages through her bag and pulls out a mirror, sees herself and says here you go. The blonde police officer looks at it and says, "Oh I'm sorry ma'am, I didn't know you were a police officer. You can leave now."
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18 RepliesBlonde Inventions 1. The water-proof towel 2. Solar powered flashlight 3. Submarine screen door 4. A book on how to read 5. Inflatable dart board 6. A dictionary index 7. Ejector seat in a helicopter 8. Powdered water 9. Pedal-powered wheel chair 10. Water-proof tea bag
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9 RepliesLittle Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior," but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue, and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
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4 RepliesOnce upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach. One kid's parents were good business people. The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders. The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father. Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water. They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him. As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama. The president then said, "Thank you kids for saving me! I'll give you each one wish!" The first kid said he wanted a helicopter. The second kid wished for some money. And the redneck asked for a wheel chair. Obama, concerned, asked why the poor boy wouldn't want some money for his family. The kid replied, "Cause when pap finds out what I've done, I ain't gonna be walking for a pretty long time." [spoiler]not mine but still funny[/spoiler]
