So there I was, on my way to the Tower after a long battle against Atheon, Crota, and Skolas. Eager to see what secrets my engrams would reveal. I arrived at the tower, many Guardians awaiting. My friends piled against a wall of guardians waiting for their turn to access their vaults. At first, it was silent, silent murmurs along other Guardians, a group of Hunters playing witht he purple ball, A titan talking to the postmaster, and a warlock trying to get down with Tess. I went to the gunsmith, needed syntheses. Went to the bounty bot, needed XP. And finally.... Rahool. All of a sudden, a Guardian screamed "Rahool gave me a Gjallarhorn!!" All hell broke loose. Guardians stomping each other, making their way towards Rahool. A hunter blasted the purple into the first group approaching Rahool, hitting one titan on the head, he panicked and unleashed his havoc, thinking there was Fallen near by. Corpses of electrified Guardians flying around the Tower. A hunter avenged his friend by pulling a golden gun on the Titan, I ran to cover, because the bullshit was real. A warlock self rezed and bombarded everyone with grenades. It was chaos... Every guardian fighting to be the one who reaches Rahool first. Golden gun bullets flying, titans fisting into oblivion, warlock pushing Guardians off the Tower. The Speak arrived, but a trip mine got in his way, the poor bastard tried at least, his last words "I could've tell you" I saw Xur in the shadows... What was his plans? Suddenly I heard a scream, coming from the Vaults, A guardian managed to sneak past the bloodbath and Rahool gave the Guardian a Hawkmoon. This was about to turn into a massacre. All Guardians fought each other, I saw this warlock, up in the air, unleashing his nova bomb into a group of Titans. Poor bastard got disintegrated by a golden gun, the hunter was vaporized by a Titan's smash, and the Titan triped over the purple ball and fell to his death. One of the vaults was destroyed... Many exotic weapons lay on the ground... Oh the horror of greedy Guardians... A Warlock was with her child after not seeing him for 2 years... Poor lady got blasted away by a blade dancer making his way to the loot. A Titan helping an elderly woman up the stairs ate a nova bomb to the face. I was scared... Still hiding. Everyone was unleashing chaos in the Tower. The Speaker in pieces, Eris finally fell from the Tower, The Gunsmith was waiting for the next Guardian... Hell, even the broom-bot was kicking ass with his broom of light. He wielded that broom like a sword and fought Titans like a knight. Never saw so much badassery. 1800 hours... I can still hear the commotion outside. The Tower has been evacuated, Guardians screaming in pain... This is a nightmare. I wonder if my friends are still alive. 2 wounded exos found my hiding spot, I let them in. One of them lost an eye, the other is missing the jaw. Oil everywhere. When will this madness end? Day 2... Chaos still going on. I heard someone scream that Lord Saladbar caught a Sunsinger's grenade and that he just walked it off, fisted the poor Warlocks... I even heard a Titan say "He is even punching the etheric light out of them" Looks like the Iron Banana finally got on his nerves. The wounded exo finally leaked to death... His friend grabbed his jaw piece and repaired himself with it. Chaos is so intense even robots can turn into cannibals. I am an exo too... But I am not wounded, I can fight. But the moment I walk out there, I'll go in a blaze of glory and bullshit. I can see through a little crack on the wall... Green bullets light the shadows of my hiding spot. 0600 hours... I woke up, only to see a big blast, probably from a Gjallarhorn. They found me... I must fight now. Got some flame shields by punching a hunter, I Titan with matador got me good, but still alive. I blew up a couple of others with my grenades. For a moment, I stood and watched. The Tower in flames. Corpses and ashes everywhere. The Speaker blown to pieces, Grandma Eris ship crashed into the postmaster's kios, the Gunsmith still standing there, repairing guns with pieces of dead exo Guardians... What a despicable being. I made my way to the vaults... too much fire. I was caught in the middle of the firefight, every man for himself. My friends lay dead before me, I was angry... I took my guns and fought them all. The bullshit was real. How many times I was tagged by Thorn? I saw Lord Saladbar taking this Hunter's Felwinter's Lie and executing the poor bastard with it. That man has issues. I can see Rahool, peeking out the little doors of his hidden vault. I see you mother**** A wounded Titan falls at my feet, begging for Mercy... He was wearing my best friend's mark... I took his helm of Saint-14 off, looked him in the eye, and beated the shit out of him with the helm. How does it feel to be blinded now b**tch! The shit just hit the fan... Someone spotted Xur picking up strange coins from dead Guardian... Now it is the time to go. Whoever gets their hands on Xur... I must reach him before someone else does. A titan blinded everyone with his grenade, in the confusion, another Titan panicked and fisted the shit out of people... I was caught in the blast. I revived myself, only to be blasted away again by the Exo that I provided shelter to... I knew he couldn't be trusted. I was nearly dead, but I took my Red Death and put a couple of bullets on that bastard. I was healed a little, but Lord Saladbar assaulted me... Punched my legs out of commission, broke my left arm, and popped one of my optics. Luckily, right before he could deal the final blow, his skull blows up like a piñata... My friend saved my life with No Land Beyond!! But... he was already dead when I saw him. His flesh burned, Thorn finally burned him to death. So there I was, crawling my way to master Rahool. I reached out to him and handed over my engrams. Finally, I get my rewards... Rahool looked me in the eye... and said "You're very lucky, Guardian!" A strange coin, from my rare engram... And Ascendant shard from my Legendary engram. My hopes crushed... My will to live diminished. I looked Rahool in the eye, into his soul, with my single optic and told him "Go Fawk yourself" My light was no more... Xur took the coin after my death.

He's playing his mixed tape

He's baking.....Salad...In it. Hahahahahahaha

Why do I have wings?

[quote]Wants girls to notice[/quote] relatable

It's none of those answers the reason why his wall is on fire is because his mixtape is playing in the back

He runs a doner kebab shop in between iron banners.

Spontaneous combustion

As Ruby Rod from the Fifth Element says, "He's hotter than hot. He's hot hot HOT!"

forged in fire

No he wants senpai to notice him

Forgot to pay his water bill?

Probably wants the insurance marks...

He sacrifices children and drinks goat blood.

Felwinter is coming...

Milesandre converted him. Or however you spell the red priestesses name.

Oops... Is that where I dropped my mixtape?

To roast his marshmallows.

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That IS his mixtape. The record player required to handle that much fire weighs the same as an ogre.

Some men just want to watch the world burn.